


More Life With The One

by Wanderer44



Series: Xan & Jay [4]
Category: Original Work
Genre: ABDL, Age Play, Age Regression/De-Aging, Anorexia, Bed-Wetting, Diapers, Eating Disorders, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fluff, Infantilism, Little, Love, M/M, Pacifiers, bottles, ddlb, littlespace
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-05
Updated: 2020-06-08
Packaged: 2020-06-10 16:05:45
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 73,930
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19508755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wanderer44/pseuds/Wanderer44
Summary: Further adventures in the world of Xan and Jay





	1. The Dentist

“Xan?” Jay called out, he was putting on his coat and slipping on his shoes getting ready to head out. “Where has that boy gone?” He muttered to himself and went off in search of the illusive young man. “No more hiding please, we have to get going. If you make us late I’m going to have to take away 3 gold stars.”

Jay didn’t really want to punish Xan, a fear of the dentist was perfectly normal and Xan was anxious in most situations, let alone the scary ones. Jay’s warning had the desired effect and when Xan heard his stars might be taken away he reluctantly came out from his hiding spot, slowly dragged his feet as he made his way over to Jay. His head was bowed and Bear was swinging in Xan’s hand as his arms hung down by his sides. Jay couldn’t help but smile, Xan was so disheartened but he looked so cute.

“I know sweetie.” Jay said patting Xan’s head. “But we have to go, we can’t put it off any longer and me and Bear will be there the whole time.” Jay tried to reassure him.

It didn’t do much to lighten Xan’s mood though. The only good thing to come of the little one’s mood was it made Xan very pliable, Jay got his shoes and coat on him and had him buckled into the car in record time. Bear was sat snugly in Xan’s lap and as his favourite station played Xan’s head came back up. He was still a little quiet, in that he wasn’t singing along like usual, but it was a big improvement from earlier. Jay was needlessly nervous, checking his watch every time the car stopped in traffic or at the lights. Xan cautiously looked over at Jay, thinking Jay was getting frustrated because he had made them late and also feeling fearful that his stars were going to be taken away.

“Okay here we are.” Jay announced as they pulled in to the parking lot. “We made it with time to spare.” Jay smiled.

Xan smiled knowing his stars were safe, forgetting for a brief moment that they still had the dentist appointment ahead of them. Jay held Xan’s hand as they walked into reception, he checked them both in with the women being the counter and they settled down in the waiting room. Xan sat next to Jay with Bear in his lap, not worrying who might be looking or who else sat in the waiting room. He focused Bear, his soft fur and static smile coupled with Jays presence was enough to keep him calm and relaxed. Jay was replying to emails on his phone when he heard the nurse call out Xan’s name, his head popped up and he signalled to the women that it was them.

“That’s us sweetie, ready to go?” He asked turning to Xan.

Xan smiled and nodded. He took Jay’s hand and they walked into the small sterile room. The intimidating chair was in the centre of the room and the dentist was sat on his own little wheeled chair next to it waiting for them.

“Good morning Xan, it’s been quite a while since we last saw you.” The dentist joked trying to lighten the mood. “Why don’t you take a seat in the chair and let’s have a look?”

Xan handed Bear to Jay and hopped up on the chair, wriggling into position.

The dentist reclined the seat and clicked on the light. “Now, open nice and wide for me.” Picking up the small mirrored object he touched it against Xan’s teeth, then he picked up the evil pointed looking instrument. “Let’s have a little test shall we?” He asked rhetorically.

Xan had his eyes squeezed shut as the uncomfortable poking around his teeth made its way around his whole mouth.

“You have a little redness around your back teeth, so make sure to brush thoroughly. Also you are going to need a filling.” The dentist announced. He turned to the nurse. “Lower R6…”

“No thankyou.” Xan said and started to sit up.

“No no no.” Jay piped up and came over to Xan. “You’ll be just fine sweetie. I promise.”

The dentist looked a little startled seeing his patient start to sit up and try to leave. Luckily Jay was there to calm the situation, he sat next to Xan and reassured him that everything would be alright. The dentist held back, getting things ready with the nurse and giving the two some space.

After a couple of minutes he turned back. “Is everything alright?” Checking on the situation.

“Yes we’re ready, I will sit just here if that’s okay?” Jay asked, not really giving the Dentist an option.

With the dentist agreeing, he moved back over and leaned over Xan. Letting Xan know if he needed him to stop, he just had to raise his left hand. With Jay’s confirming nod he pulled out the terrifying looking needle to numb Xan’s mouth.

“Deep breath.” The dentist said getting Xan to brace himself. “Very good, well done well done.” He added, gently patting Xan’s shoulder.

A couple of minutes later Xan’s lower right side was numb and the dentist was ready to begin. Xan had his eyes closed the whole time, squeezing Jay’s hand as the dentist carefully worked on Xan’s tooth. Afterwards, Jay had a quick check up and cleaning with Xan looking on and wishing his appointment had been so simple.

Xan sat in the car feeling very sorry for himself, Bear was pressed into his other cheek so Xan could feel his soft fur. Xan’s thumb started to creep its way up to his mouth, but Jay gently stopped him reminding him not to touch his mouth for a while. This just made Xan feel even more sulky and he was starting to slip further into littlespace. Traffic was very heavy on their way home and Jay decided to stop off at the supermarket to grab a couple of items for home. They pulled in but Xan didn’t want to leave the comfort of the car. Jay leaned over and kissed the sulky boy on the head, announcing he would be right back.

Xan sat watching everyone go past, looking out for Jay’s return. Thankfully it didn’t take long and he came back into view with a full bag in each hand and smiled at Xan. He set the bags in the boot and got into the driving seat.

“I didn’ ‘hink we needed much” Xan said quietly hiding behind Bear. His face was still numb and he spoke with a little lisp.

“Oh I just saw some other stuff as I was walking around.” Jay smiled back.

They drove off home, with Xan starting to feel a little happier, something about being in the car with Jay, having the music he likes fill the air and having his faithful Bear in his lap made Xan feel happy and safe. By the time they were home Xan’s smile had returned and he skipped up the drive to the front door with Jay. Jay carried the bags into the kitchen, quickly emptying them and coming back in to see Xan.

“Sweetie, do you need a change?” He asked placing his hand on Xan’s head as he was busy undoing his shoes.

He looked up at Jay with those big bright eyes, giving Jay an innocent look that Jay understood without Xan needing to say anything, he was still feeling insecure about talking with a numb mouth. Jay was almost certain he needed a change as they were driving home, the dentist trip was always going to have an effect on Xan’s uncooperative bladder. He lifted Xan up and carried him up to the playroom for a change. Bear came too, wedged between the two as they made their way upstairs.

He set Xan down and turned to grab the changing supplies, when he turned back around, Xan was pulling off his shirt and trousers, then dropping them in a pile at his feet. It made Jay chuckle and it looked like Xan wanted a change of wardrobe, he held up two onesies for Xan to pick between. Pointing to the animal print one Jay pulled it over his head and helped Xan to lay on the change mat. Jay made sure to wipe Xan clean, taking extra time as he wasn’t sure how long Xan had been wet for. He unfolded the fresh diaper under him, then creamed and powdered Xan, finally taping up the diaper and popping the onesie closed over it.

Jay looked down and saw Xan rubbing his eyes. “Do you want to have a little nap?” he asked.

Xan wasn’t sure, he was feeling a little sleepy but what he really wanted was to cuddle. So he shook his head no and as he sat up and wrapped his arms around Jay. He wanted to say he just wanted to cuddle, but he was still feeling embarrassed about his voice.

“Are you sure little one? We can cuddle for a little while on the bed.” Jay knew he wanted to cuddle, but also that he was tired.

He figured if they cuddled on the bed, he could get Xan to sleep for a little bit. With a half nod of agreement, the two made their way to the bed, Xan sitting waiting while Jay got changed out of his going out clothes. Throwing on one of comfy soft tshirts than Xan liked the feel of, he laid on the bed and before he could call him, Xan was closely snuggled up against him.

"How's your mouth sweetie?"

"S'ok." He mumbled quietly in reply.

"That's good." Jay kissed him on the top of the head.

“Not yet sweetie.” Jay again had to gently stop Xan's thumb from creeping its way into his mouth. He knew he wanted his paci but he had to wait until the anaesthetic wore off. “It’ll wear off in no time, then you can have your paci sweetie. You did very well today Xan, I know you didn’t want to go, but you did it anyway and now its all finished for another six months. And your teeth are all fixed and all better. So thats good right? And now we an enjoy the rest of the day, we can do whatever you want, we can even go for a run if you would like to. What do you think?”

When Jay didn’t get a response he looked down at Xan and was happy to see the little one had nodded off. He smiled, took a deep breath and relaxed. Before long he too drifted off for a little snooze. It was only an hour or so later when he opened his eyes again. Xan was laying on his front with his right arm and leg draped over Jay and a mess of hair covering his face. Jay stretched out, rolled onto his side and pulled Xan close to his chest in a cuddle. Xan murmured and grumbled as he was disturbed from his sleep.

Jay brushed the hair out of his face and smiled as the younger man peeked at him through heavy eyelids. “Wakey wakey sleepy boy.”

Xan yawned, then with a surprised look he poked his mouth with his finger. “I’s not numb anymore.” He told Jay happily.

“That’s great sweetie.” Jay smiled and kissed Xan’s forehead. “How about some lunch?”

“Mmm..” Xan thought for a moment. “Can we watch cartoons?”

“As long as you eat sweetie, you can watch whatever you like.” Jay smirked and kissed Xan again.

Jay got up and stretched once more. Xan sped past into the playroom, to choose some friends to come and watch cartoons with him. He picked up Plodd and his big floppy Pluto, then raced off downstairs to the sofa. In the kitchen Jay was making some small sandwiches and fruit for him and Xan. He made Xan a bottle and sippy cup of juice, planning on setting them both down infront of Xan to see which headspace he was in. Jay set them all down onto the coffee table also dropping a plastic bag down the side of the sofa for later. Luckily for Jay, Xan was too engrossed in Paw Patrol to notice Jay’s secret bag.

Jay leant forward and picked up a plate setting it between him and Xan on the sofa

“Here sweetie, eat some fruit.” He said trying to draw Xan’s attention.

Xan fumbled with some apple slices and strawberries, his eyes still glued to the adventures of the pups on screen. Jay watched Xan as he ate his own lunch, smiling when Xan finished off his food and grabbed his bottle, leaning back to get comfy on the snug cushions. Jay cleaned up their plates then sat back on the sofa, lifting Xan into his lap. Xan quickly huddled back against Jay cuddling his big Pluto. Jay waited for the show to end, then decided it was time for his treat.

“Okay sweetie, now when I was in the supermarket I picked you up a little something, for being so good at the dentist.”

Xan turned to face Jay with an intrigued expression. “Mmm for me?”

“Yep!” Jay smiled brightly. He picked up the bag from the side of the sofa and handed it to Xan. “Here we are.”

Xan peeked inside and gasped. A big beaming smile spread across his face as he turned to the side and tipped the contents out onto the sofa. Out of the shopping bag fell a Winnie the Pooh colouring book, some brand new coloured pens, some of Xan’s favourite sweets and a couple of boxes of Xan’s favourite Pocky. He turned back to Jay and wrapped his arms around his neck cuddling him tightly.

“Thankyouuu.” He sung.

Xan jumped down and in a few short seconds had the new pens spread all over the table and was busy colouring Jay a special thankyou picture.

While Xan was working on his masterpiece, Jay’s phone rung and he got up to answer it.

“Hi Mum, it’s been a while!.. Sure... I think so... Well he means very much to me and I think you should meet him… Well yes we are living together now… Mum I know… You want to what?... I can ask him, sure. You’re not this interested in my work haha… No mum I was joking, nevermind… Sure Sunday would be fine... Well If you would like we can cook rather than go out? Xan loves to cook and I’m sure he would be more than happy to… Yes I’ll get some… alright bye… love you too.”

And with that Jay hung up. He returned to the sofa, where Xan was happily bouncing in his seat eager for Jay’s return. He was attempting to hide his finished colouring behind his back, but it was clearly poking out behind the excited boys back.

“Hi sweetie, waiting for me?” Jay was all smiles as he saw Xan.

“Mhmm” He couldn’t wait any longer. He whipped the colouring book from behind his back and showed Jay. “For youuuu” He sung.

He showed him a beautifully coloured picture of Christopher Robin and Pooh bear sitting in a tree with the words thankyou Daddy written in crayon at the top of the page. Jay felt so warm inside seeing the adorable picture and he had to stop himself from getting choked up.

Jay took ahold of the colouring book. “Thankyou sweetie, that is adorable. I love it.”

He leaned over and kissed his little one, who then happily went back to colouring. Jay decided he would tell Xan later about the upcoming visit, when he was feeling a little more grown up.

Later in the evening the two sat down to a lovely meal Xan had prepared. Chinese style roast pork with sticky rice and salad. Xan was now changed out of his onesie and was wearing a tshirt and shorts. Unfortunately he was still struggling when it came to eating and he sat picking at his food, pushing piece after piece around his plate. Jay smiled and rubbed his thigh, knowing he was really trying.

“It’s okay sweetie, just a couple more bites and you can finish.” He bargained.

Xan half smiled and nibbled on a lean looking piece of pork, while resting his head on his hand.

“Oh, I almost forgot. My er.. parents are coming on Sunday and I’d like you to meet them, if that’s okay with you.” Jay was feeling a little nervous.

Xan looked a little surprised but smiled. “You want me to meet your parents?”

“Yeah and they are looking forward to meeting you.” Jay smiled.

“Okay!” Xan beamed happily. “How comes I haven’t met them before?” He wondered.

“Well, they moved up to Scotland, not long before I met you actually, to sort of retire and because I’m always busy with work we just hadn’t got around to seeing each other. We still talk and they know about you.” Jay explained.

“They know I live here?”

“Yep and they know you’re an artist and they know I care a lot about you too.”

“Do they… know… err...”

“Don’t worry sweetie, I didn’t tell them any personal things.” Jay patted Xan’s head, reassuring him. “I think they would really like it if you cooked for them when they came, would that be okay?”

“Sure!” Xan chirped, feeling a little more at ease.

Xan sat nibbling on his dinner, planning out what he wanted to cook for Jay’s parents. He wanted it to be nice, a little special but not over the top. He pondered what he should wear, how he should act and many other things. Jay chuckled noticing Xan was lost in a daydream.

“Xaaan.” He called to him.

“Mmm?” He turned to Jay, looking a little bewildered.

“You’ve finished your dinner now sweetie.”

“Oh.” Xan looked at his plate to find it almost empty.

During his daydream he had carried on eating, not paying attention, but steadily making progress. As he helped Jay wash up he was full of questions and Jay did his best to answer them.

“Relax sweetie, they’re going to love you. Just be yourself. They won’t ask you anything scary, actually they are very intrigued about your profession, so they will most likely talk about that. My Dad is very interested in art, he owns a couple of expensive pieces in fact.”

“Okay.” Xan still sounded worried.

Jay knew he was nervous, but had a plan. “How about if we make a signal, hm? For if you feel too overwhelmed.” Jay suggested.

“What kind of signal?”

“Well how about if you need a minute or two, you can say ‘I just need to find my phone’ then I can come help you look upstairs for it and we can take a quick timeout.”

“Okay.” Xan smiled.

Jay gave Xan a big hug, hoping that his apprehensions were dealt with. “How about we go for a run? I think you deserve it.”

“Really?!” Xan exclaimed.

His face lit up as he ran off upstairs to get ready, with Jay in tow.


	2. Meeting the Parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay's parents come for a little visit to meet Xan.

It was a cloudy, grey Sunday, just after lunchtime and Xan was napping on the sofa. Bear was tucked under the blanket with him as the young man lay on his front. Jay had been preparing for his parents arrival since 9am, cleaning everything in sight, double and triple checking they had all the food and everything was ready. Xan had been helping a little, getting his art room tidy and helping clear away some of his toys. He was quite anxious about meeting Jay’s parents, not only because they were new people but also that they meant a lot to Jay and he was worrying about making a good impression.

As Jay checked his watch for the thousandth time, he decided it was time to get Xan up and time for them both to get changed. He knelt next to the sofa and smiled at his sleeping boy, laying his head on the sofa near him.

“Xaaaann. Time to wake up now.”

Xan’s eyelids flickered and he opened up his eyes. “Are they here?” His tired voice croaked.

Jay chuckled. “Not yet, but we should get changed, they will be here very soon.”

Xan rubbed his eyes as he sat up, letting out a big yawn. “Do we have to hide Bear?” He asked as he held his stuffed friend.

“No sweetie, no. He can sit down here if you would like him to.”

Xan looked around the room. “I think he would like to sit, mmmmm… over there” Xan pointed to the beanbag chair near the window. “Then I can still see him.” Xan smiled.

“He can sit with you Xan, you don’t have to put him over there.” Jay knew Xan wanted Bear to stay, but he was feeling a little nervous.

Once Xan settled Bear in his seat for the day, he took Jay’s hand and they went to the bedroom to change.

“Um.. Jay?”

“Yes sweetie?” Jay replied, looking back at Xan as he fidgeted nervously.

“What if… um .. what if I have an accident?” He asked blushing.

Jay looked a little confused, then it clicked, Xan thought he was not allowed to wear diapers and had been worrying himself.

Jay knelt down, so he was eye level with Xan as he bowed his head. “Sweetie, you’re still going to wear diapers, just like normal. You can wear your going out one’s that aren’t as thick if you’re worried about them noticing. Alright?” He patted Xan’s shoulder, trying to reassure him.

“Okay!” Xan happily chirped.

Jay got himself dressed while Xan changed into a thinner diaper. He wore a pair of smart light coloured trousers, with a blue button up shirt. Xan got himself changed into smart black skinny jeans and a pink half button long sleeve shirt. He then disappeared into the bathroom to put on a little makeup and spray his hair. Jay leaned against the bathroom door as Xan applied a little eyeliner and smiled.

“You look lovely sweetie.”

Xan blushed a little and smiled back at Jay. “Thankyou.” He walked over to Jay and cuddled him. “Do you think that they will like me?”

“Of course sweetie. They are nice people so there’s no need to worry.” Jay leaned down and kissed Xan.

Knock knock knock!

“Oh here they are. Okay, we’re ready. Okay.” Jay mumbled. He walked to the front door and took a deep breath before opening it. “Hello! How are you?” Jay smiled as he kissed his Mum on the cheek and shook his Dad’s hand.

Jay moved inside to Xan who was stood a few steps away and put his arm around him.

“Mum, Dad this is Xan.”

“Pleasure.” Charles said shaking Xan’s hand.

“I’m pleased to meet you.” Said Beatrice. “Such an unusual name, where does it come from?” She asked, trying to be polite.

“N.nice to meet you both. I’m not sure exactly.” Xan laughed nervously.

Jay could tell he was nervous and gently squeezed his shoulder, letting him know he was there to support him. “How about we sit? I’m sure you’d like to relax.”

“The place looks lovely dear, much nicer than the last time we were here. So homely!” Beatrice said, impressed with the improvement.

The last time she visited was before Xan was in the picture and Jay still had empty rooms and unpacked boxes. Charles had beaten them to the sofa and was already seated after letting out a sigh of relaxation. The three then joined him, just as he was fiddling with the TV remote trying to find the England cricket match.

“It’s er... channel 104.” Xan informed him.

“Ah good man! Thankyou.” Charles replied, happy to finally find out the score.

Beatrice had banned it in the car as Charles got a little too excited and he didn’t need distractions while driving.

“Oh Charles really? If you must have it on, please turn it down. We are here to see our son remember.” She scolded her husband.

“Yes dear.”

They caught up on Jay’s work life, with a few general questions directed to Xan. Keeping the questions light to Xan made him feel much more relaxed. Jay was quite impressed, both with Xan and the fact that his parents were taking a general interest in him.

“Excuse me one moment, I just have to put the oven on to warm up.” Xan smiled and excused himself to the kitchen.

Jay watched Xan with a smile until he was out of sight.

“He is very polite.” Beatrice smiled. “It’s not like you to want us to meet one of your partners dear.” She said a little quieter.

“Well, I’ve never liked anyone as much as I like him Mum.”

She just smiled and patted Jay’s knee. Xan returned and sat back down on the sofa, just as the conversation picked up again. Beatrice filled them in on how retired life was treating them and about her new ladies group up in Scotland. Even taking over the conversation from her husband and talking about his new golf club he attends and the diy he had been doing around the house.

“Dear you’re boring the poor boy.” Charles interjected. “Now then.” He sat and turned to Xan. “I hear you are an artist, young man.”

“Well yes.. I mean I’m freelance, but.. I’m not really sure I would call myself an artist per-say.”

“He’s just being modest.” Jay chuckled. “You really are a great artist Xan.” He said wrapping his arm around him. “That is actually one of his.” Jay pointed to the large Beetlejuice canvas that took pride of place in the living room. “It was one of the first presents Xan ever gave me.”

“Ah well, let’s have a look.” Charles stood up and looked closely at the canvas on the wall, taking his glasses off and tapping the end against his lip. “I see. Was this oils?”

“Um. Yes.” Xan stammered.

Jay whispered into Xan’s ear. “If you would like, you could show him your art room.”

Xan smiled as Jay gave him a little nod of encouragement. “If you would like, I have a lot more in my.. er.. art room. I just have to put the meat in the oven and then I could show you around.”

“Excellent!” Charles exclaimed with a clap.

It made Xan feel proud everytime someone was eager to see his work, especially now it was someone he was trying to make a good impression with. He had a skip in his step as he went to put the lamb joint into the oven, humming happily as he flicked the timer on. Both Jay and his parents stood waiting for Xan’s return, as he came towards them with a bright smile. Jay was happy, Xan was finally relaxing and becoming the happy boy he knew best.

Xan led them into his art room, showing them his setup. The packed shelving unit of materials, ready to be used and then to his desk, where he started to lay out the canvases, sketchbooks and other pieces of his work that he had. Beatrice was polite and smiled as she was shown around, but it wasn’t really something she understood or greatly cared for. Charles, on the other hand, was in his element. Loving the opportunity to look around a working art studio and through Xan’s catalogue of work. Though he had no artistic talent himself, he admired all forms of art and was very intrigued by the whole process.

“This is wonderful! Where did you study?” Charles asked while leafing through Xan’s sketchbook of life drawing.

“Ah well, I went to college but I wasn’t able to move up to university. I couldn’t get the funding in place and so I joined an agency straight out of college and I’ve been with them ever since.” Xan explained.

Charles was very surprised. “Well that is a shame, I think you could do very well in university and a degree opens up many excellent opportunities. Why were you not entitled to financial help? Could your parents not help you out?”

“I don’t actually have any parents, I grew up in care and I mean I would have liked to go to university, but because I didn’t have a household income or a fixed address it was denied.”

Jay ears pricked up as he heard Xan mention parents and he started to worry. He turned around into the art room and stood next to Xan patting his shoulder as he did. “What are you guys talking about?” He smiled.

“University.” Xan told Jay as he smiled up at him.

“Yes, I was very surprised he did not attend.” Charles then turned back to Xan. “You have quite a range my boy.”

Charles and Xan moved on to talking about art movements and artists he was influenced by, the details of which went straight over Jay’s head. He was definitely out of his depth in this conversation.

Xan heard a beeping coming from the kitchen timer. “Oh! I’m sorry, I have to go and start on dinner. Feel free to stay and look around in here.” He smiled, then turned and left.

Jay followed Xan to the kitchen. “He likes you art sweetie” Jay gently nudged Xan, making the younger man giggle.”I think you two have something in common to connect over.”

Jay was feeling like a proud papa bear, Xan had already won over his Dad with relative ease. Just then Jay’s train of thought was then interrupted by his Mum coming into the kitchen.

“Something smells wonderful in here. Mind if I sit?”

“Of course not, you and Jay can sit. It’ll be nice to have some company while I cook.” Xan welcomed her in.

As Xan roasted, chopped and steamed the dinner, Jay and his Mum chatted, but before long they were both drooling over the smells coming from the oven. Their eyes watched as Xan danced from saucepan to oven, putting the final touches on his meal and making the all important gravy.

“Xan, do you want a hand dishing up?” Jay offered, snapping out of his food induced daydream.

“Yeah, sure! That would be great.” He accepted.

Beatrice stood and left the kitchen. “I’ll just go find your Father.”

Xan and Jay dished up the roasted potatoes and carrots, then the steamed veg medley. Xan mixed the gravy, setting the jug on the table for everyone to pour their own. Beatrice returned with Charles and they all sat at the table and made a start on dinner.

“My goodness!” Charles yelled, earning a scolding from his wife.

“Oh that really is so tasty.” Beatrice spoke at a more reasonable volume.

“I told you. Xan is an amazing cook.” Jay leaned over and kissed Xan, while beaming with pride.

Beatrice looked the food over and then did something Jay had never seen her do before, ask for advice. “Xan I was wondering how you get your potatoes so crispy and fluffy at the same time? And this lamb! What is your secret?”

Xan chuckled. “The trick with the potatoes is after you part boil them, roll them around in the colander so the edges fluff up and then straight into the hot oil. And with Lamb I always allow it to get to room temperature before it goes into the oven. Then just plenty of flavourings and a little basting.” He happily told her.

“Wonderful I shall have to try that at home.” She smiled. “It just melts in the mouth.”

Xan suddenly sat bolt upright with a look of upset on his face. He felt a warm wetness spread slowly onto the seat of his trousers, with tears in his eyes he nudged Jay’s hand. Jay looked up to see Xan looking distressed, his eyes seemed to be pleading for help. Jay thought for a second before the realization set in, hours had passed since his parents arrived and Xan was wearing a rather thin diaper. He stroked Xan’s hand and gestured for Xan to go up to the playroom.

Xan nodded and very quickly excused himself. Luckily for him neither of Jay’s parents looked up, they were just enjoying their meal too much. As Xan left there was a small puddle on the vanished wooden seat, Jay wiped his mouth with his napkin, checking to see where his parents were looking then discreetly mopped up the wetness.

“Back in a minute.” He said getting up from the table.

On his way out of the kitchen he tossed the napkin in the sink and headed upstairs. As he approached the playroom he could hear Xan sniffling. He looked inside and saw Xan fighting with his belt and frantically trying to pull his wet trousers down.

“Sweetie, let me.” Jay said patting his shoulder.

Xan spun round and tightly wrapped his arms around Jay. “I feel so stupid.” He sniffed.

“Shh baby, don’t get upset. I cleaned it up before anyone noticed.” Jay stroked his back and planted a kiss on top of his head. “Let’s get you changed.”

Xan lay on the change mat with his arms over his head, trying to fight off the embarrassment. He scolded himself internally while Jay unbuttoned his jeans and pulled them off. Xan was so angry with himself that he had wet himself infront of company. Jay lovingly changed Xan into a fresh diaper, powdering and taping him up. He jumped up and went to grab a new pair of trousers from the wardrobe for him. When he helped Xan to his feet, Xan covered his eyes fighting back the tears.

“Hey little one, no tears now shh shh.” Jay wrapped his arms around Xan and pulled him into his lap as he sat in the cuddle chair, rocking him gently. “Good boy, everything’s alright.” Jay rubbed Xan’s back and comforted him as his sniffling stopped. “There’s my happy boy.” Jay said as Xan smiled.

He helped Xan into his change of trousers and let the younger man smarten himself up in the bathroom, before they both returned to the dinner table. The rest of the dinner went by without incident and after a short time chatting Beatrice and Charles were ready to go.

“It’s been wonderful meeting you Xan.” Beatrice smiled and hugged Xan.

“Yes and such a lovely studio you have. You’ll have to come visit us next time, I can show you my collection.” Charles offered shaking Xan’s hand.

She hugged Jay, kissing his cheek. “So lovely seeing you dear. The house looks much better, you’ll come up and see us soon I hope?”

“Yes Mum, we’ll arrange something soon.” He chuckled.

Jay stood at the front door with his arm around Xan, waving as his parents drove off. He gently closed the door, breathing a sigh of relief. He scooped Xan up spinning him around, making the younger man squeal in delight.

“Daddyyy!” He laughed loudly.

“Rawr!” Jay chuckled as he spun Xan around. “Up to the cuddle chair we gooooo! Daddysaurus needs cuddles!”

Jay could tell earlier on Xan was reluctant to stop cuddling and after his accident was starting to feel little. With his trousers stripped off and his paci in place, he was happily snuggled in Jay’s lap, lapping up the comfort as Jay stroked his back and hummed along to the radio.


	3. Xan Gets Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A difficult for job starts badly and ends badly, but Jay will always help Xan when he needs him.

It was lunchtime and Jay was just pulling into the driveway, hoping to surprise Xan with his presence so they could eat lunch together. He knew Xan had been having a hard time on his latest piece of work, as Jay had understood it, it a mix of the client not knowing what they wanted and changing the brief, basically giving Xan the run around. Needless to say the young man was stressed.

Jay opened the front door and let himself in. “Xan I’m… oh there you are.” He stopped mid sentence.

Xan was standing in the doorway of his art room, fumbling papers into his bag. His expression said it all.

“Sweetie?” Jay could see Xan was not very happy.

“I’m really sorry Jay, I have to go meet with them again.” He said sounding so disheartened.

“Again? Well at least I can drive you.” He ended with a smile.

“You don’t have to, I was just about to call a cab. You can stay and enjoy your lunch break.”

Jay just smiled and ushered him out of the door and into his SUV. Xan chuckled, there was no way Jay was going to let him go alone and to be honest he felt much better going with Jay. He handed Jay the letter with the address on it for him to tap into the satnav.

Luckily traffic was light and it made the journey fly past, giving Xan less time to sit and worry. They pulled up outside of a rented office space and with confirmation from the satnav that they had arrived.

“Okay mister, here we are. Remember to be clear and tell them what you want from them.” Jay said as he looked out the window and the large looming building next to them.

“Are you going back to work now?” Xan asked a little meekly.

“I am going to go try out that new coffee shop I just spotted over there. I’ll meet you there when you’re finished.” Jay smiled and kissed Xan.

Xan let out a little gasp of both happiness and relief. He wanted Jay to be there when he was done, but would never ask him, just in case it would put him out. Xan hopped out and waved to Jay before going inside the large glassed building. Inside he nodded to the security guard, who waved him up with a smile. He had been here so many times recently that the guard didn’t ask Xan for his ID anymore. The lift was empty as Xan rode up, which eased his anxiety a little and allowed him to breathe deeply and relax. The lift dinged and the doors opened to the 8th floor. Without needing to look at the signs, Xan turned left and went down the corridor to the third door, knocking before going in.

Meanwhile Jay had parked up and was looking around inside the new coffee shop that he hadn’t been to before, intrigued by the array of sandwiches and cakes that were on offer. He sat at a table a few minutes later with his large coffee a blt sandwich and freshly made blueberry muffin. He finished his food in no time at all and flipped through a magazine while he drank his coffee.

Before long, Xan arrived looking a little flustered as he looked around the coffee shop. Jay smiled and waved him over. Xan practically ran across the shop and sat next to Jay.

“Do you want something to drink or eat sweetie?”

“Err can I have the smoothie, but um… can we go home?” Xan asked giving Jay a little look.

“Of course.” Jay said packing up his rubbish and walked to the counter. “One large orange and passionfruit smoothie to go please.”

Jay had seen that look countless times, Xan needed a change. The stress of the meeting had seen to that and because they rushed out, neither of them thought about bringing a change. Jay knew Xan felt embarrassed and he didn’t like to hang around. So he quickly ordered for him and they were on their way.

“So, dare I ask?” He asked as he drove.

“It started pretty badly, they changed everything again and the lady was quite rude. But then her manager came in and took her away. He came back alone and said that he was taking charge of the project. So we spoke a little and I showed him all the different briefs I had been given and said I’d be happy to do the work if we could just decide on a final brief and no more changes.”

“That’s good! Well done, you told him what you wanted and explained what had happened. And it sounds like he actually has a head on his shoulders. Will you be dealing with him from now on?”

“Yeah I have his number and everything. An’ I got an extension on the deadline. He said I must have been stressed with all the trouble, so he extended it.”

“Good job sweetie.” Jay praised, feeling happier than even Xan was.

Xan felt all warm inside from Jay’s praise and a little shy. He sipped his smoothie as they pulled into the driveway, cheering when they parked. Jay let them in and helped him with his shoes, taking his hand and walking him up to the playroom.

“Let’s get you all cleaned up, then you can have some lunch before I have to run off back to work,”

Jay took Xan’s smoothie and set it on the side, then laid him down on the change mat. He undid Xan’s belt and slid his formal trousers on and folded them neatly placing them out of the way. Then pulled his jumper and shirt gently over his head folding them with the trousers. Jay looked down at Xan laying their so innocently, his hands up by his face, wearing just a soaked tena slip diaper. Jay leaned over and pressed a long kiss to Xan’s forehead.

“You did great today, Daddy is very proud.” He smiled.

…

…

It was Monday morning Jay had already left for work, but Xan was in a panic. His deadline was in an hour and he had to get to a brand new location. The company that hired him had moved from the rented space into their permanent residence. It was much further away and Xan had no idea where it was. Luckily they had sent a taxi for him, as an added apology for the trouble they had with the brief.

As Xan got out of the taxi with all of his art a security guard came running over.

“Hey you can’t leave all this infront of the building!” He snorted.

“No.. I err… I’m delivering it.” Xan tried to explain.

“There aren’t any deliveries today.” The stout security guard retorted.

Xan felt the unmistakable trickle start inside his padding. As if on queue when the situation started to get stressful. He whimpered a little, then took a deep breath to calm himself.

“P.. please. I’m here to see Mr Mortimer.” Xan said trying to reason with the angry guard.

Hearing the name the security guards demeanour changed almost instantly. “Oh… well.. *clears throat* let me help you carry those Sir.”

With a confused expression Xan was helped into the fancy looking building and up to Mr Mortimer’s department. A short amount of time later and it was over, he was free. Xan stepped out into the street and took a deep breath of fresh air. This project had been difficult from the start and he was relieved it was over. Smiling to himself, he popped in his headphones and headed off towards the bus stop.

Xan sat on the bus feeling happy with himself, planning a day of relaxation in his mind to wind down from the stress. Suddenly the bus jerked to a halt and the bus driver announced, end of the line. Xan looked around and a sense of panic set in. He had no idea where he was, he didn’t recognise any of the buildings or the street. He stood and walked off the bus, following everyone else. Looking back at the bus, he saw his mistake. What he thought was the number 14, was actually number 4 and a cold chill shot through his body. He had got on the wrong bus. Pulling his phone from his pocket, to check on maps where he was and how to get home, it bleeped and flashed. 3% battery! In his rush that morning he had forgotten to charge his phone.

Xan looked at the bus stop and didn’t recognise any of the stop names that were closest. Maybe he could call Jay for help, before his phone died. He quickly tapped away and the phone started to ring, but before Jay had a chance to answer, inevitably Xan’s phone beeped buzzed and shut off.

“Noooo!” He yelled, frantically pressing at the button, pleading for it to turn back on.

Looking down at his phone, wet drops fell onto the black mirrored screen. Xan sniffed and wiped his eyes, but there were still drops hitting the screen. He lifted his head and looked around. Raindrops started to fall gently covering the pavement with small dark spots, then the heavens opened. A heavy showered soaked everything in sight, including Xan, only adding to his low mood. He wiped his wet hair out of his eyes as his head snapped around looking for the nearest shelter. He made a quick dash for the doorway of the closest building, thankful for its large overhang.

He sniffled and tried his best not to cry. “Please not now...” He squeezed his hand between his legs as he felt his diaper fill.

He slipped down the wall and sat with his head in his hands, softly weeping. After a minute or two he was able to wipe his tears away. As he lifted his head and peeked out, he saw across the street there was a phone box. He wanted Jay, he needed Jay and he had to go call him. Checking the road was clear he made a quick dash back through the rain over the road. With shaky hands he typed in Jay’s phone number, but the first time he tried the voice said " _ **The number you have dialled is unavailable please try**_ **again...** " So he took a deep breath and tried to steady his shaking hand. Finally it was ringing.

Jay looked at his phone, a little confused at the unknown number, but seeing the missed call from before decided it was best to answer it just incase.

“Hello?”

“Jay!” Xan sniffled, sounding very upset.

“Sweetie what’s wrong?” Jay could tell Xan was distressed and something was up.

“I got on the wrong bus! An’.. my phone died… an’ I’m not sure where I am!… *sniff* **.**.. I got soaked..” Xan was flustered and he started to cry again.

It was hard for Jay to understand Xan when he was so worked up. “Sweetie, I need you to slow down. Take some deep breaths for me okay?” Jay could hear Xan crying on the end of the line. “Deep breath, in through your nose…. And out through your mouth.” After a couple more breaths, Jay could hear Xan had stopped crying. “Alright, so your phone died I heard. Tell me again sweetie.”

Xan took a deep breath and tried to calm himself. “After I dropped off my art I got on the wrong bus and it started to rain. I don’t know where I am.” He sniffed and held his hand over his eyes, fighting back the tears.

“Alright baby okay, can you see any road names around you?”

“Just big buildings and um… and a shop.” He sniffed.

“Okay do you know what number bus you got on? And what is the name of the shop?” Jay stayed calm, he knew if Xan heard he was panicking, it would only make him worse.

“Um.. the bus was number 4… and the shop is called um… Sam’s wraps.” Xan said as he peeked out to read the sign.

“Okay, I’m going to google where the number 4 stops and see which one is close to that shop alright? Stay out of the rain and I will be there as soon as I can. Okay sweetie?”

“Okay.. **sniff** I’m sorry…” Xan started to apologise.

Jay could hear his boy was about to cry again. “Don’t worry sweetie, there’s no need to be sorry. I’m on my way baby. I’m going to hang up now, I’ll be with you shortly.”

“Okay.” Xan hung up the phone and ran back to the doorway he was hiding in.

The rain continued to thrash against the pavement as Xan sat huddled in the doorway. The wind blowing against him was starting to make him shiver. Jay typed away on his phone and quickly found the bus route. Xan was right, he did get on the wrong bus, in fact he had ended up on the other end of town from their home. A couple of searches later and he found exactly where Xan said he was. He ran over to Tina and explained he had to run out and get Xan, luckily there weren’t many patients that needed seeing today and it was also lucky Tina was on shift. If it had been anyone else, it would have made it very difficult to leave.

Jay sped out into the parking garage and jumped in the SUV. He fumbled with his keys trying to put them in the ignition. He stopped and took a deep breath.

“No. Nice and calm Jay, if you panic now, it will just make things worse.” He told himself. “He’ll be fine, you just need to stay calm.” With his pep talk taking effect, he calmly started the engine.

It took Jay almost 20 minutes of driving to get to where Xan was, the weather didn’t help matters as the rain continued to fall. Xan felt so stupid and angry with himself as he sat in the doorway, back with his head in his hands. As he thought about how he had pulled Jay out of work because of his mistake and couldn’t help but cry. Jay on the other hand was more than happy Xan called him, he didn’t want his little one getting worked up and worried or scared by himself. As Jay pulled into the bus stop Xan had used earlier, he flicked on the hazard lights and looked around out of the window for Xan. He jumped out into the pouring rain and pulled his coat over his head as he looked around. He spotted a huddled up figure in the doorway a few meters away and ran over.

“Baby?” He called out.

Xan’s head shot up and Jay could see that his hair and his clothes were wet and tears were rolling down his face. Jay pulled him to his feet and wrapped his arms around him in a big cuddle. Xan gripped onto him tightly as he cried.

“Oh Xan, shh shh, it’s okay.” Jay soothed. He could feel him shiver as he held him close. “It’s okay, I’ve got you.” Jay kissed Xan on the top of his very wet head. “Come on, let’s get this around you and we’ll get in the car.”

He wrapped Xan in his coat and rushed him over to the waiting SUV. Helping him inside, he leaned over and clicked his belt in for him and ran around to the drivers side. Jay rubbed Xan’s thigh as he sobbed in his seat.

“Let’s get you home baby, get you nice and dry.”

Xan sniffed in the passenger seat. “C..cuddle” He mumbled.

“I know sweetie. Oh!” Jay exclaimed and reached into the backseat. “Look who I found on the way to work, cuddle Kimchi until we get home baby.”

He handed Xan his stuffed red panda friend that he had lost the previous week and the younger man pressed his face into Kimchi’s soft fur, as Jay started to drive. By the time they got home Xan had ceased crying but was feeling quite sheepish.

“Here we are.” Jay announced giving Xan a smile as he peeked out from behind Kimchi.

“I’m really sorry...” He said hiding his face. “I had to call you.. I feel so stupid.”

Jay leaned over and hugged Xan. “Don’t be silly. I’d much rather you call me, than panic all alone. Okay?” Jay stroked Xan’s cheek. “Now let’s go get you cosy and dry. If I’m not back soon Tina is going to have my head.”

Xan smiled and grabbed hold of Kimchi as they made their way into the house. Jay took Xan straight upstairs into the bathroom, his clothes were dumped into the washing basket and his soggy diaper was put into the bin. Jay wrapped him up in a big soft towel and dried his body and his hair. He gave Xan a little tickle as he finished drying him, eliciting a giggle from the little one, who was feeling a lot better.

“Let’s get you dressed sweetie.”

On the change mat, Xan was powdered and taped into a fresh comfy diaper, before Jay lifted him to his feet. On the way to the bedroom to grab some clothes, Xan tied his hair up into a bun, to keep it out of the way as it dried. Jay pulled out a colourful cute print tshirt and a pair of bright shorts and handed them over to Xan. Once he was dressed he turned to Jay who was at on the bed, he wrapped his arms around him and cuddled.

“Thankyou.” He said feeling a little shy.

Jay pressed a kiss to his lips. “You’re welcome sweetie.” He breathed in Xan’s comforting scent. “Right, I have to get back to work I’m afraid.”

Xan walked with Jay to the front door.

As Jay slipped on his shoes and grabbed his coat, he turned back to Xan. “I’ll be home later sweetie.”

Xan leaned up and kissed Jay. “Love you.”

“I love you too. Be good.”

Jay got into the SUV ready to go and looked over at the passenger seat. There was a noticeable wet patch where Xan had sat.

“Aw Xan...” He muttered to himself as he saw that Xan had leaked.

He hadn’t spotted it before as he was soaked from the rain, but it made him feel even better about Xan’s decision to call him. For the rest of the day Jay rushed around the hospital helping out where he could and chatting to Tina about what had happened as she was quite concerned when Jay had to rush off.

...

Pulling into the driveway at home, he smiled to himself, happy he could finally see his boy. Jay hung his keys up and called out. “Xan! I’m home.”

He looked around and could see quite a mess, there were stuffed animals on the sofa, in two distinct spots where Xan had been. There was a half coloured picture and pens strewn on the coffee table. This was very unlike Xan, once he started a picture he had to finish, as Jay found out when he tried to get his little one to stop colouring so they could go shopping and was confronted with a very grumpy boy. Jay made his way upstairs in search of Xan, he peeked in the bathroom and all seemed normal, so he moved on to the playroom, but again he was greeted with more mess, there were toys cars and legos everywhere. A pack of wet wipes with lots of used ones were also dotted around the room, which was a little worrying as Xan was usually very clean.

Okay he needed to find Xan now. “Sweetie?”

He stood very still, listening for any sound to give him a clue where Xan was. There was a little sniffle that seemed to be coming from the bedroom and Jay quickly made his way inside. Xan was curled up under a makeshift blanket fort, he had set up between Jay’s side of the bed and the wardrobe. Tucked in around him was one of Jay’s tshirts, Bear, puppy Max and Kimchi. Jay couldn’t help but smirk at the incredibly cute scene he was presented with and while he wanted to let him rest, he needed to find out what had happened. Getting down on his knees, by Xan’s feet, he gently rubbed Xan’s shoulder to rouse him.

“Mmm… Ja..y?” Xan mumbled rubbing his sleepy eyes. “Daddy?” He smiled looking up to see Jay peeking under his blanket fort.

“Hey sweetie, were you having a little snooze?”

Xan scrambled his way out and into Jay’s waiting arms. Jay lifted the sleepy boy into his lap and snuggled him as they sat on the floor by the bed.

“So mister, what about all this mess you’ve made hm?” He asked gently, trying not to make Xan think he was being told off.

“Mmm.. was restless.” Xan started to explain. “Wanted to colour, but then didn’t want to. Then watched tv, but didn’t want to, and felt bad.. so um.. then wanted to play cars, but then didn’t… then did some cleaning, but felt bad an’… then wanted to sleep… but felt bad on the sofa.. and the bed wasn’t comfy on my own… and still felt bad, so made a hidey hole to sleep in.”

Jay was a little worried, but had expected Xan to feel a little upset after his day. It was just a little surprising to see, but he knew how to make it better.

“Alright baby, well how about I help you tidy up then we can cuddle and relax for a while?”

Xan agreed and with Jay’s help started to tidy away all the things he had got out. First starting in the playroom, then moving to the living room and finally putting his stuffed friends back in their pile, making sure Jay followed him all the way. The little one was feeling very clingy and didn’t want to be alone, even when Jay needed to use the bathroom he felt the need to stand by the doorway and wait for him. Once he dried his hands he lifted Xan up and the little one immediately clung tightly to him. Jay felt bad for him, he was obviously struggling and needed his comfort. They settled together in the cuddle chair with Xan snuggling and inhaling Jay’s comforting scent. His thumb crept up and into Xan’s waiting mouth. In that moment Jay decided to put off the plans he had thought about as Xan needed a quiet cuddly night.

“Good boy.” Jay kissed his cheek and gently held his head to the crook of his neck.

Jay was daydreaming when he was interrupted by Xan’s stomach starting to rumble.

“Xan sweetie, did you have anything to eat while I was at work?” Jay asked.

Xan blushed a little and slightly shook his head, he didn’t do it on purpose he just couldn’t decide what to have. He lowered his head, expecting to be told off.

“That’s okay.” He said kissing his forehead. “Can you help me make some dinner sweetie?”

Xan nodded, the feeling of relief making him smile, his thumb still firmly in his mouth. Jay lifted Xan and carried him to the kitchen, humming as he did. He sat Xan on the kitchen side and flicked on the radio for some background noise.

“Okay little chef, what shall we have hm?” Jay asked as he looked through the fridge.

“Om’ettes?” Xan suggested from behind his thumb.

“That sounds tasty, good choice! Okay let’s see… eggs, check. Ham, check, mushroom and sweetcorn check.”

They made a start on mixing the ingredients together, with Jay doing the work under Xan’s direction. Once Xan was happy they were properly mixed he cheered and hopped down off of the side. He turned the hob on and put the frying pan on the heat. Jay stood behind him, wrapping his arms around Xan as he did the hard bit. Jay had never been good at cooking and often burned anything he tried to make, but watched on proudly as Xan expertly flipped the omelette over in the pan, revealing the golden brown cooked side. Jay’s eyes drank in the sight of the food in front of him, while he held onto Xan tight.

“Looks lovely little chef.” He whispered into Xan’s ear, as he planted a soft kiss to his cheek.

Xan let Jay dish them up onto plates once he had cooked them and add some salad on the side. They sat at the table tucking into their dinner, Jay with a glass of water and Xan with his sippy cup. Even though the little one was hungry he ate slowly, secretly wanting to sit in Jay’s lap while he ate rather than the boring chair he was currently in. While Xan was daydreaming, Jay noticed he had stopped eating and was lost in thought. He smirked and lifted Xan over onto his lap.

“Daddy?” He asked a little bewildered.

“If you wanted to sit on my lap sweetie, you only had to ask.” Jay chuckled.

Xan blushed and hid his face in his hands, he was feeling very small knowing Jay knew what he wanted all along. Jay used Xan’s fork to cut a piece of omelette for him and held it up to his mouth.

“Open up baby boy.”

Xan looked at Jay with sparkly eyes and took the mouthful. Jay fed him the rest of his dinner and praised him as he ate. Once Xan had finished his dinner, he earned a kiss for doing so well. Jay looked over at the fridge and caught sight of the sticker chart, deciding it was time to see how well Xan had done today.

“I think we should check your sticker chart sweetie, what do you think?”

Xan gasped and nodded. Jay sat him on the chair, so he could retrieve the stickers and the chart. Xan’s eyes gleamed as the shiny silver stars were set on the table in front of him.

“Okay, I have a little task for you sweetie. I’d like you to tell me which ones you think you have done today and then I will make the final decision.”

“Okay!” Xan chirped happily and set about looking over each task.

He pointed out: do the washing up; empty the bins; make the bed and ate dinner.

“Hmm yep that’s a 4 stars. But I think you have done a few more sweetie. You helped me tidy your toys, took a nap, made the bed and I think you get an extra special one today for being brave enough to call me for help.”

Xan looked at him with wonder in his eyes, he was so happy that he had earned 7 silver stars, but was really intrigued on what the special sticker would be. Jay could tell he was fascinated about the special smiling cat sticker that he had put on the chart.

“This one means, you can trade it in straight away for a special treat day.” As the words left Jay’s mouth Xan gasped and his eyes twinkled. “Yep, you were so good you deserve a special treat day, you can choose annnything you want, anything at all.”

Xan squeaked, he felt so happy. He jumped up at Jay, wrapped his arms around in a tight cuddle. That evening they snuggled on the sofa together. Xan was in his comfy stripy onesie, his favourite peekabu diaper, he had his paci in and was cuddling with puppy Max and his Daddy. Nothing could be better.


	4. Jay Gets Sick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A little role reversal, Xan looks after Jay as he gets sick. But how will he handle the change?

Jay coughed and weakly propped himself up on his elbows, looking over at the alarm clock it was far too early to be awake, but the pain and discomfort throughout his body was not on any time schedule. The sting in his dry throat from coughing all night, made going back to sleep an almost impossible task. So he dragged his aching body up from the bed and stumbled out into the bathroom, he rifled through the medicine cupboard, finding the cold and flu tablets. Taking two with some much needed water. He washed his hands and gently wiped his face, with a damp cool cloth.

He made his way back to the bedroom to grab his phone, he would not be able to work today. Picking up his phone off of the nightstand, he looked over at Xan who was spread out like a starfish on his tummy. Dressed in just his diaper, which by now was a little damp, his hair was very messy covering most of his pillow. Jay couldn’t help but smile.

“At least someone is sleeping soundly.” He muttered as he walked out.

Downstairs in the kitchen he made himself a hot lemon drink to help soothe his painful throat and blocked sinus’, while he made his phone call. Having informed work of his predicament, he took the rest of his drink back up to bed. Halfway up the stairs though he had to stop and gather himself as he was overcome with dizziness. Able to shake it off, he returned to bed. Jay flicked off his alarm and tried to relax in the comfy warm bed. The room was still as Jay laid there trying to fall back asleep. Xan had rolled over onto his side facing Jay and started talking in his sleep.

“Don’t want any… zzz… Bear… zzz… drinky…” He mumbled intermittently. “Daddy kissy…. Zzz… apple? Okay…”

Jay looked over chuckling at Xan. He listened trying to piece together the slurry of words and mumbles coming from Xan, to work out what was happening in his dream. Before long, the medicine kicked in and he was able to drift off to sleep for just a little while. When he woke for the second time, he had a splitting headache and his throat felt just as sore. Xan was still fast asleep, but had now migrated over with his head resting on Jay’s midsection and his right arm was hanging over the side of the bed limply. Jay coughed and spluttered, bouncing Xan and making the little one grumble at the sudden jolt. It was now 8am and Jay knew there was no use in trying to sleep anymore, his body clock wouldn’t allow it, so he gently deposited Xan back to the comfort of his pillow and forced himself up and out of bed.

Changing into a clean tshirt, he grabbed a spare blanket from the drawer and gingerly walked downstairs. His head thumped, his muscles ached and his throat felt like he had swallowed razors. He made another hot lemon drink and dropped down on the sofa. Jay pulled the blanket over him and lay down, enjoying the quiet stillness.

At quarter to 10, as Jay was dozing, he could hear Xan stirring upstairs. Xan stretched and itched his head as he stood up from the bed. Going into the bathroom, he washed his face, brushed his teeth and tidied his hair. Then skipped his way into the playroom to change, humming while he did so. In just a few short minutes he was changed into a fresh thinner diaper and his colourful comfy clothes. He bounced down the stairs humming away to himself and disappeared into the kitchen, having no idea that Jay was laying on the sofa. Jay smirked to himself as Xan skipped past and decided to stay quiet and surprise his happy boy. He felt a cough coming and grabbed the blanket to muffle the sound.

“Jay!?” Xan squeaked, almost dropping his glass of orange juice.

He set it on the table and with a great big smile jumped on the sofa to cuddle.

“Easy sweetie, I don’t feel too good.” Jay explained, then coughed and grabbing a tissue.

“Your sicky?” Xan asked sitting up, with an innocent look on his face.

Jay chuckled. “Yeah I’m sicky.”

Xan thought for a moment as he looked Jay over. “Oh!” He exclaimed then ran off upstairs.

Jay watched Xan run off and shook his head, smiling. Xan clattered back down the stairs with a stuffed friend in his hand.

“This is my medicine bear, you can put a little Olbas oil inside and then the smell lasts a while as you cuddle him. He can help look after you.” Xan explained as he handed Jay the bear.

“Thankyou baby, you are very sweet.” Jay smiled, taking the bear from Xan.

“Ooo I’ll make you some yummy soup! Are you comfy? Shall I get you some soft pillows? Or medicine?”

“I’m okay for now sweetie, thankyou.” Jay stopped talking abruptly and blew his nose. “Are you looking after me?”

“Mhmm” He nodded and smiled. “I’ll make you your soup an’ you can rest today.”

And with that he skipped off to the kitchen. As much as Jay was liking having his little one run around after him, he felt rough. His whole head was throbbing and it hurt to swallow. Opening his eyes, he saw the white doctor bear Xan had given him and gave him a gentle sniff. The smooth healing vapours opened up his blocked nose easing his breathing and sending a little wave of relief through him. Helping him to relax for a brief moment. Xan was humming away to the radio as he blended up a special soup for Jay, before warming it on the hob. A little taste test and it was ready. Xan gently brought in a tray with a bowl of soup, a spoon and some small squares of cut up bread for Jay.

“Ta da!” Xan beamed, feeling happy with his creation.

“It looks lovely sweetie, thankyou.” Jay managed to say between sniffs.

He struggled, but propped himself up so he could eat his happy little one’s soup. Xan set it on the table for Jay to tuck in and sped off to get Jay a new drink. Coming back in a flash with a glass of water and a hot lemon drink to go with it.

“You enjoy, imma make a start on my chores and I have two commissions to start today too. Oh I’ll get you a bag too so you can get rid of your tissues. And I’ll set a reminder on my phone for when you can take more medicine.” Xan happily chirped away. “Ooo and while I’m upstairs I can get your pillows for you.” He exclaimed with his finger in the air and rushed off.

Jay just smiled, a little envious of his bundle of energy, as he watched Xan happily bounce off to start his chores. If he wasn’t feeling so rough, he would enjoy Xan doting on him and taking care of him. Tucking into the soup, he couldn’t taste very much but was enjoying it none the less. He managed almost half before he lay back on the sofa and after a few minutes he started to doze off. When he woke up again, he looked over and his tray had been taken away, his pillows were ready waiting for him and his used tissues were all tidied away into a little rubbish bag.

“He works fast.” Jay chuckled to himself, before spluttering.

As always Xan checked his sticker chart before running off upstairs, he was very light footed, so his running around didn’t wake Jay. It didn’t take long for him to do all the upstairs chores, like making the bed, picking up the clothes and tidying his toys from the previous night. After he mentally ticked them off his list he went back downstairs to find Jay now awake.

“Hi! Did you like the soup?” He asked with that signature bright smile.

“Yeah it was good thankyou.” Jay smiled back.

“I have to start on my paintings now, if you need me just call. Or you can message me, you probably shouldn’t shout when your throat hurts.” Xan brought a finger to his chin as he was thinking. “Maybe if I kept my music off I could hear you.”

“I’ll be fine, I’m just going to rest here. Listen to your music like normal sweetie, it won’t disturb me.” Jay reassured him.

Xan was still thinking for a moment. “Mmm I’ll check on you in a bit.” He decided before speeding off into his art room.

Jay shook his head and smirked. “He’s so cute.” He thought to himself before laying back and trying to relax. Jay didn’t get sick often, but when he did he got really sick. He wasn’t one to get the sniffles or a stomach bug, he would get the illness’ that kept him out of action for days. He thought as he lay on the sofa in the darkened room, he hadn’t been sick in the time he had met Xan and he began to wonder how Xan would cope without the little things he loved that Jay wouldn’t be able to do for a few days. Usually Xan would get irritable and grumpy if he couldn’t cuddle for any period of time and he didn’t want Xan to catch his illness. While he was worrying himself he thought, ‘No Xan’s an adult, he’ll understand won’t he? But what if he doesn’t, what if he needs me?”

Xan was blissfully unaware of Jay’s worrys in his art room. He was sketching out his first commission of the day, an easy and fun little piece for him, a painting of a hungry Toothless. It was nearing lunchtime and Xan had just finished his painting. He stood back to look at the finished piece, feeling quite happy with his work, he picked it up to show Jay.

He ran into the living room. “Jay, look I had to….” He stopped mid sentence, seeing Jay was comfortably sleeping and crept back to his art room. “I’ll show him later.” He chuckled to himself.

After each finished piece of art Xan had a little routine. He would always pause his music, get a drink and take a picture to save his work. When he was younger he would move straight from one piece to the next, not stopping for food or drink or rest and it got to the point where he would lose himself in his work and on really bad days even get dehydrated. So he set up his little routine as a way to break the trance and revitalise his energy levels. After a quick detour to grab Kimchi from upstairs, he got his drink and returned to his art room.

When he had almost finished his second commission, Xan started to feel a little tired. He set his paintbrush down and let out a big yawn. He headed off to wash his hands, then went back to grab Kimchi. He wandered over to the sofa and stood at the end. Jay looked up and saw Xan standing with his thumb in his mouth and Kimchi clutched to his chest.

“Are you alright baby?” He asked wiping his nose for the thousandth time.

“S’eepy.”

Jay knew he wanted to cuddle and nap, but he really didn’t want to give Xan his sickness. Feeling a little worried about Xan’s reaction he pointed to the end of the sofa. “You can nap here sweetie.”

To his surprise Xan’s face lit up and he hopped up onto the sofa. Quickly getting comfy with his feet touching Jay’s. “Can ‘e watch tv?”

“Of course you can sweetie.”

Jay knew Xan liked sound in the background to fall asleep to. Flicking it over to the nature channel Xan lay quietly on the sofa, his eyelids starting to flicker. Jay’s attention flashed from the tv to Xan, again feeling a little jealous, this time of how easy Xan was able to fall asleep. Jay smiled and had a warm feeling flow through him as he watched Xan clutching Kimchi close to him, with his thumb hanging between his lips as he drifted off to dreamland. Interrupting this sweet moment of watching his little one sleep, Jay coughed and spluttered, shaking his sore body.

After about an hour Xan woke from his nap and let out a big yawn as he stretched. He reached out for Kimchi and looked over at Jay, who was clutching the blanket tightly to him, sweating a little and shivering. Xan jumped in to action and ran off upstairs. He grabbed Jay a fresh shirt and underwear, a damp washcloth and a little towel. Bounding down the stairs, he set Jay’s clothes down and knelt down beside him. Gently placing the cooling cloth onto Jay’s forehead.

Jay jolted awake.”Oh, sorry sweetie. I didn’t mean to jump.”

“S’okay you’re a bit sweaty so I got a change of clothes for you. Oh and I think you can take more medicine now.” Xan told him, while he kept his hand on the wash cloth.

Jay looked up at Xan as he lay on the sofa, feeling truly rough and felt such love for his boy. “Thankyou for looking after me, you’re such a sweet boy.” Jay’s praise made Xan blush, but he felt so good inside hearing those words.

A few days past of the same routine, Jay would be confined to the sofa as Xan was determined to do everything for him, to give him time to heal. Xan felt quite important as he cared for Jay and Jay was very grateful for every little thing Xan would do for him. But Xan was also starting to feel a little grouchy and like something was missing. He of course hid his feelings from Jay, it wasn’t anyone's fault, it was just he was feeling the need to slip into littlespace. Little did he know Jay was also missing the snuggles and caring for Xan. After 5 days of being a big boy, looking after the house, painting more commissions and not being able to snuggle, Xan was a little worn out. Xan’s favourite thing to do, the thing that made everything better no matter what, snuggling with Jay, he couldn’t do and it felt like it had been an eternity.

Jay woke up later than he had been this week and to his delight, as he opened his eyes, he felt… good. His throat was a little dry, but his body didn’t ache, he could breathe easily and he felt quite refreshed. He stood up from the bed and stretched with a smile on his face. He used the bathroom, made himself and Xan a drink and headed back to bed. Like Xan, he too was missing the cuddle time, but happily he was about to rectify that. Putting both drinks down on his side of the bed, he lay in the comfy warm sheets and in one gently motion pulled Xan into his arms.

The sleepy little one stirred. “D..addy?” His tired voice was merely a squeak.

“Yeah baby, come snuggle with Daddy.” Jay whispered, wrapping his strong safe arms around Xan.

Xan let out a content little sigh as he melted into Jay’s warm touch. They lay together with Xan onto of Jay, his arms laying on Jay’s shoulder and his face pressed to Jay’s chest, nestled just under his chin. Jay’s muscular right arm wrapped over Xan’s back holding him tight and his left hand reaching down softly patting Xan’s diapered rear.

After a snuggly few minutes, Jay broke the blissful silence. “We need to get you changed baby.”

The tired boy let out a little grumble, which made Jay chuckle. He lifted the sleepy Xan up and carried him into the playroom, laying him down on the change mat. He made quick work of changing Xan’s soggy overnight diaper, getting him into a fresh little rascals colourful diaper. Jay then helped him into a cosy onesie, before lifting him back up and carrying him back to bed.

“Daddy?”

“Yes baby?”

“Mmm… t’irsty.” Xan mumbled.

“I got you a bottle sweetie.” Jay flashed a smile and kissed Xan’s head.

He set Xan down onto the bed and climbed in next to him. Xan still hadn’t opened his eyes since waking up, it was still a little early for him, but Jay couldn’t wait any longer for snuggle time. Xan wriggled his way up so he was nestled beside Jay, with his arm wrapped around Jay’s middle. Jay reached over for the bottle and held it up to his tired boys mouth. He nursed from the bottle drinking the tasty juice, as he snuggled closely to Jay. Jay chuckled at how tired his little one was and grabbed his phone to snap a couple of pictures.

When he had finished Jay set the bottle down on the nightstand. Xan, who by now was feeling very little, had started to nibble on Jay’s tshirt. Luckily Jay kept a paci in the draw by the bed as well as the diaper bag, the car and a number of other places Xan might feel the need for a little comfort. As they lay cuddling, Jay felt thankful he still had one more day off work. It was going to be a very snuggly little day and he was very much looking forward to it.


	5. Cinema Treat With Daisy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Its Xan's treat day and he wanted to invite his friend Daisy along too

“Daddy we have to go!” Xan whined as he stood bouncing on his feet by the front door.

“I’m ready sweetie.” Jay replied as he patted Xan’s head.

Xan grinned and leapt out of the front door and quickly got into his seat in Jay’s SUV. Jay locked the front door and joined him. Xan bounced in his seat as they drove to pick up Daisy, on their way to the cinema. It was Xan’s special sticker treat day and he had chosen to go and watch the new Lion King, he remembered hearing Daisy say she was looking forward to seeing and had invited her for a ‘little’ cinema outing and if they behaved then maybe they would get some ice cream after too.

They pulled up outside the house. “Okay sweetie, back in a second.” Jay said as he jumped out to get Daisy.

Xan sat in his seat swinging his legs and holding onto puppy Max, while he watched Jay walk to the door and knock. The door flung open and Daisy burst out into a run to the car, clearly overly excited. Before she reached the car she was abruptly called back by Jenny. Daisy spun and dragged her feet as she made her way back.

“Remember to behave and do as Jay says. You have a change in your bag if you need it, be nice and quiet during the movie and most importantly… have a lovely time.” Jenny smiled and kissed Daisy. “I’ll see you in a few hours.”

Jenny patted Jay’s shoulder and thanked him, happy to have a few hours to do some cleaning. Jenny waved to Xan before going back inside, Daisy jumped in the back and clicked her belt in.

“Hiya Xan! Ready to go?” Daisy chirped in her happy loud voice.

“Yeah! We’re going to see Simba!” Xan cheered.

Jay sat in the driving. “Seatbelts please.” He instructed. “Alright then, let’s go!”

The two cheered as they set off. Traffic was light, which made their journey nice and swift and before long they were pulling into the carpark. Daisy jumped out, leaving her bag in the SUV and started to bolt towards the building.

“Daisy wait a moment please.” Jay said calling her back.

Daisy came back and the three walked together, Jay holding onto Xan’s hand, as they walked in through the cinema doors. In the foyer was a large standee from the movie they were going to see. Daisy decided they should take a picture together infront and Jay was more than happy to be the cameraman. Xan and Daisy were grinning like the Cheshire cat in the first photo, then as Jay took the second, Daisy tickled Xan and the two were in fits of giggles. Jay smirked at how happy they looked.

Daisy then got distracted by the sweets and treats on offer and went off to inspect them, Xan turned to follow but Jay called him back.

“How about one more photo sweetie?”

Xan smiled brightly and nodded. He put his arms up and roared like a lion. It was too cute for Jay, he quickly snapped the picture and had to cover his mouth. The adorable photo was undoubtedly going to end up being one of Jay’s favourites.

He walked over and cuddled Xan tightly. “Let’s go buy the tickets cutie pie. Do you want any sweeties? Or something to drink?”

“Mmm can I have a slushy?” He asked spotting the frozen treat swirling behind the counter.

“Of course you can sweetie.” Jay said patting his head.

Daisy came bounding over. “Can I get these? And one of those?” She asked with an arm full of sweets and chocolate.

Jay gave her a disapproving look. “I don’t think Jenny would be very happy if I let you eat all those, do you?”

Daisy looked a little shy, she knew her Mummy wouldn’t like it if she ate all these sweets and gave herself a tummy ache. Jay saw her meek expression, but tried to cheer her up a little.

“How about if you pick one of those, we can share a popcorn as well?”

“Yeah!” Daisy exclaimed, then ran off to put the sweets and chocolate back on the shelves.

Jay brought the tickets and concessions, handing them out between the three of them. Xan clutched onto his icy drink taking small little sips through the straw, Daisy was being much more patient with her treats. After thinking about Jenny, she was on her best behaviour, even offering to help Jay carry the popcorn so Xan could hold hands, while he handed the tickets to the cinema worker. They were shown to their seats, in the dimly lit screen room and settled in ready for the film to begin.

.

.

“Ah! I love Simba soooo much!” Daisy exclaimed as they exited the screen room.

The bright light flooded in, making all three wince. They stumbled out and stood by the giant poster on the wall as their eyes readjusted to the daylight.

“That was good.” Jay smiled at the two happy littles in front of him. “Do you need a change before we go sweetie?” He asked Xan.

“No.” Xan blushed and promptly replied.

Jay was suspicious though, it had been quite a while since he was last changed. Out of the way of peoples view, he stuck two fingers in the waistband of Xan’s diaper to check. “Sweetie, you’re wet. Let me go get the diaper bag and get you changed.” He leaned down and kissed Xan. “Daisy can you stand with Xan? I’m just going to the car quickly.”

“Okay.” She smiled brightly, jumping over to where Xan was stood. “Can you grab my bag for me too?”

“Sure, back in a flash.”

Daisy looked at Xan, whoo was blushing and staring at his feet. “Xan? Are you embarrassed because you didn’t want me to know?”

The timid little one nodded slightly, but didn’t speak.

“There’s no need to feel ashamed.” She said bending over and looking Xan in the face. “You’re my friend! Nothing would make me think less of you.” Daisy quickly looked around to check there was no-one around and then whispered. “And besides… I kinda need a change too.”

Xan looked up, starting to feel a little better. “You do?”

“Yeah.” She chuckled. “I had lots to drink before you got me and that great big Pepsi didn’t help either. So you don’t need to feel embarrassed anymore than me right?”

Xan thought about it for a second.

“An’ I’m not embarrassed, these things happen.” Daisy smiled and patted Xan’s shoulder.

When Jay came back through the doors, he was greeted with a smiling Xan giving Daisy a hug. He was surprised at how quickly Daisy had managed to cheer Xan up, but he was very thankful. Making his way over to them he handed Daisy her bag, she thanked Jay and sped off disappearing into the toilet.

“Okay sweetie, let’s get you freshened up yeah?”

Xan smiled and nodded at Jay, grabbing onto Jay’s free hand as they walked into the disabled toilet cubicle. Xan lay down on the elevated side, holding onto puppy Max and thought about what Daisy had said.

“There’s that smile.” Jay said, happy Xan was feeling better. “You’re all done sweetie.”

“Hm?” Xan looked surprised, he was so lost in thought that he hadn’t realized Jay had finished changing him.

He stood himself up, pulled up his trousers and buttoned them. Jay then leant forward and kissed Xan.

Xan wrapped his arms around Jay and cuddled him tightly. “Thankyou for my treat day.”

“Aw Xan, I’m glad you’re enjoying it. How about we get some ice cream? Hm?”

Xan gasped. “Really?!”

Jay kissed Xan once more and they went off to find Daisy. Even though it was Xan’s treat, Jay was enjoying it just as much, seeing Xan so happy. His smile made Jay feel so joyful, he didn’t care what it was they were doing as long Xan was enjoying himself. He watched as Xan ran over to Daisy, swinging puppy Max in his hand, to tell her the exciting news. The two jumped in the air and followed Jay out to the SUV.

It was a quick 5 minute drive to the ice cream parlour, but for the two excited littles in the car, it was still too long. Jay made sure the excited friends didn’t run off. Inside they quickly found their table and scanned through the menu. Daisy chose at lightning speed, no sooner had she opened the menu she picked out a monstrosity of a sundae. It had 3 flavours of ice cream, 3 different sauces and a mix of chocolate and sweets sprinkled on top. Jay chose an equally indulgent looking chocolate sundae, 3 different flavours of chocolate ice cream, white, milk and hazelnut. Along with nutella drizzle and a flake sticking out of the top. Xan however took a while longer, he was bewildered by the excessive choice and feeling a little lost. He looked up at Jay for assistance.

“Everything okay sweetie?” Jay asked, then quickly realized what was going on. “How about…. A strawberry one?”

Xan shook his head. “Um..”

“Ooo how about a banana split? It has rainbow sprinkles on this one.” Jay knew Xan’s favourite things and rainbow sprinkles usually won over everytime.

Xan’s eyes widened and mouth watered a little, as Jay pointed to the picture. “Yes please.”

Jay chuckled. “Okay coming up.”

Daisy beamed a big grin at Xan. “Thankyou for inviting me along today.”

“Welcome.” Xan smiled. “I’m glad you came with us, it’s been fun.”

Jay sat back down and they chatted for a few short minutes before their sundaes were brought over by the waitress. Jay was having second thoughts about his choice as the enormity of his pick was placed in front of him. Daisy however was in heaven, licking up the sweet sticky mess in mouthfuls. Jay was just about to warn her to slow down, when Daisy dropped her spoon and grabbed her head. Both Jay and Xan let out a little chuckle at Daisy’s brainfreeze, luckily for her it passed quickly and she stuck her tongue out at the boys. Xan made good progress on his banana split, lapping up each and every little coloured sprinkle and almost all of the banana. Daisy dropped her spoon into the empty glass with a clang. Jay had to cover his mouth to stifle his laughter, Daisy’s face was a mess with ice cream, chocolate and sauce all over her. He handed her a wet wipe from the little pack in his pocket, she used both sides fully and had to ask for a second. Finally clean she was all smiles again.

“Mm finished.” Xan announced and held his hands out also asking for a wet wipe. “Sticky.”

“Here sweetie. Oh you ate lots, well done!” Jay praised him.

He had managed to eat the banana, whipped cream and almost 2 3rds of his ice cream. By Xan’s standards that was a lot. They tidied up and got ready to leave.

“Should I message Mumm…. Er Jen, to say we’re on our way?” Daisy asked, blushing a little.

“Oh yes, well remembered. We’ll be there in about 10 minutes or so.”

They reached the SUV and got buckled into their seats for the short trip to Daisy and Jenny’s. Xan was super happy after his special day, singing along to the radio and bouncing Puppy Max on the door and dashboard for the whole journey. They pulled up outside the house and Daisy jumped out, bounding excitedly down the path. Before she got the chance to knock, Jenny opened up the door with a smile. Daisy slammed into her, giving her a great big cuddle, the kind Jenny liked and expected.

“Hiya Daze, did you have a good time?”

“Yeah! It was so good. Me and Xan loved the movie aaaand we got ice cream!” Daisy bellowed in her loud happy voice.

“Ice cream huh?” Jenny asked aiming towards Jay, who with Xan had made his way over.

“Yep, these two got an extra treat for being so well behaved.” Jay smiled patting Xan’s head.

“Well, fancy a drink before you head off home?” Jenny offered the two boys.

“Sure and I can tell you how well behaved your little madam was.”

Hearing Jay, Daisy was beaming a big grin and feeling very proud of herself. Jenny went to make drinks while the boys settled on the sofa. Daisy however, sped off upstairs as she usually did when she got in. A change of clothes, a brush of her hair and after she had selected a stuffed friend, she came back down. Jay had told Jenny about how she had managed to turn Xan from a sulky to happy in no time at all. Xan wasn’t paying attention to what the grown ups were saying, he was drinking his juice and flicking through one of Daisy’s books that had been left out. Daisy set herself down to her colouring and happily continued where she had left off.

“Okay we had better head off, by the looks of things it might be someone's nap time.” Jay said quietly to Jenny.

He had spotted Xan was slouching, while reading his book and sucking his thumb. Both of which were a telltale sign of a sleepy little Xan.

“Come on sweetie, say bye to Jenny and Daisy.” Jay said putting his arm around Xan.

Xan waved to them both. “Byeeee, we can play soon?” He sleepily asked Daisy.

“Mhm yep! I think next week we can.” Daisy agreed and smiled seeing the tired boy.

After their goodbyes, Xan slowly walked his way out to the car and climbed in. As Jay drove them home, there wasn’t much singing or bouncing coming from the passenger seat. Xan was a little worn out after all the fun of the day and definitely needed a nap. As they pulled into the driveway, Xan was almost asleep and as Jay looked over at him, he couldn’t help but smile at his adorable boy as he fought to stay awake. Jay got out and walked around to Xan’s side of the SUV, gently lifting him out and carrying him inside.

“Come on baby boy, let’s get you to bed. It’s naptime.”


	6. Jay's Birthday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan organizes a surprise party for Jay

Jay was out of breath and sweating profusely as he pumped his legs as fast as they would carry him. Xan wasn’t the fastest runner but he had high stamina and could run for hours it seemed. As Jay sucked in lungfuls of air he could feel himself slowing, eventually he came to a halt and leant against a tree to catch his breath. Up ahead Xan noticed Jay wasn’t following him around the park anymore and sprinted back to meet up with him. Jay had decided since it was a nice day, that they could go for a run around the park, it had a nice smooth track that wrapped around the edge of the large field. Shielded by trees and a fence it made for a great place to run.

“Sorry Jay, I didn’t realize I got so far ahead.” Xan apologised while he panted.

“That’s… alright.. sweetie.” He replied taking deep breaths. “Im just not much.. of a runner… like you.”

Xan blushed a little. “I-I can slow down if you like.”

Jay just chuckled. “No no… im finished for now… you can have… one more lap before home time okay?”

“Mhmm.” Xan nodded and sped off.

Jay leant against the tree, standing in the cool shade as he watched Xan run around the park. Watching his ponytail bounce freely behind him as his slim legs stretched stride after stride. When he had made his way around the park and was on the final stretch of path leading up to Jay, he smiled and sprinted as hard as he could. Xan wrapped his arms around Jay and the older man held him tight. Jay could feel Xan’s heart beating fast in his chest.

“Did you enjoy your run today sweetie?”

“I did.” Xan smiled. “Thankyou for taking me out.”

Jay turned Xan so he was leaned against the tree and leaned in, playful teasing him. He stroked Xan’s cheek with his thumb and slowly moved closer, brushing his lips against Xan’s. Xan blushed feeling his heart beating in his chest. Jay pressed his lips to Xan’s kissing him softly at first, then more passionately. When Jay broke the kiss, Xan was feeling flustered and had lust in his eyes.

“Let’s get going, I think we could use a ‘special’ shower.” Jay smirked.

Even though they were worn out after their run, they made it home at lightning speed, pushing the door closed behind them and practically jumping up the stairs. The bathroom floor was littered with clothes that had just been ripped off and tossed aside. The warm flowing water rushed over them as the steam rose above the curtain. Sounds of the shower and passion echoed throughout the room.

  


After half an hour of fun, Jay lovingly washed Xan’s long flowing hair, massaging the shampoo in and rinsing it all out for him.

He turned Xan around and pecked him on the lips. “All done!” He declared with a smile. “So then mister secretive, where are we going for my special dinner?”

“Mmm I think you’ll have to wait just a little longer.” Xan said giving him a little smirk. “We should get ready though, Miss Jenny won’t be long.”

It was Jay’s birthday and Xan had been secretly planning a surprise for Jay for a couple of weeks now. Jay was being his usual nonchalant self, Xan had asked him almost a dozen times what he wanted or what he would like to do and always got back the typical responses, ‘I don’t mind’, ‘Nothing in particular’, ‘Just as long as I’m with you’. But this was Jay’s 30th and Xan was making a big deal, in secret of course.

Before their run, Xan had called the venue and Jenny (his co-collaborator) to make sure everything was ready to go. The invitations had been sent and the replies had been confirmed, everything was ready. Well, everything except them. Jay got himself dressed relatively quickly and sat on the bed flicking though his phone, while he waited for Xan. Xan was taking a little longer to get himself ready, he wanted to look perfect. After drying his hair, he switched off the hair dryer and laid out 4 different outfits on the bed, flicking and changing them for a good 10 minutes before Jay stepped in to help. He knew Xan was feeling a little anxious and indecisive.

“How about the pink shirt with your black skinny jeans?”

“Mmm not sure.” Xan replied a little deflated.

Jay could see he wasn’t sure. “Let’s try them on and have a look.” He reached over and patted Xan’s hand.

Xan smiled, knowing Jay was trying to help. Once dressed he spun in the mirror a few times, checking every angle and little detail. Jay stood up behind him and caught his gaze in the mirror.

“Look at us.” He smiled putting his hands on Xan’s shoulders. “I think it’s perfect. You look amazing sweetie.”

Xan’s cheeks flushed and he bowed his head. “Jaaaaay.”

Jay just chuckled and kissed the top of his head, inhaling the sweet strawberry scent of Xan’s shampoo. They had a little cuddle, before Xan went into the bathroom to do his makeup. Jay packed his diaper bag to take with them, just in case. After a little concealer, eyeliner, a little red eyeshadow and lip gloss, he fluffed his hair and looked in the mirror. Deeming it acceptable, he sprayed a little hairspray and styled his hair. Jay stood in the hallway leaning against the wall, watching his boy getting ready.

Xan turned to him. “Does it look okay?”

Jay moved close to him and put his hands on Xan’s waist. “You look beautiful sweetie.”

Placing a gentle kiss to him lips, they were ready. The door knocked as they were making their way down the stairs. Jay greeted Jenny with a hug, while they complimented each other. Xan grabbed his present from out of his art room, slipping the little box into his shirt pocket.

They joined Daisy in the car and set off on their short journey to the hall Xan had rented.

“Err isn’t the town that way?” Jay asked, noticing they were leaving town.

“Oh we thought we’d go somewhere different.” Jenny said with a big grin plastered on her face.

“Did you know about this?” He asked turning to Xan.

“Maybe...”

“Cheeky!” Jay tickled Xan, making him giggle loudly. Then kissed him on the temple. “So a surprise place huh?”

They pulled up outside a very smart old building, the car park was almost full and the large wooden doors were open with an inviting glow of light beaming through. All four, got out and walked up to the grand old building. Xan led Jay by the hand while Jenny and Daisy followed behind. Xan stopped just before the doorway and turned to Jay.

“After you.” He said with a sweet warm smile.

Jay leaned forward and kissed Xan, holding his hand. “Together.”

They walked into the hall to a roaring “SURPRISE!” With everyone cheering and clapping. Jay looked around at all the faces beaming back at him. His parents were stood closest to the door, next to them were all his friends and colleagues from work, with Tina front and centre. Filling the room were more of Jay’s friends from university, more family members and everyone inbetween. Jay was all smiles as everyone came up to greet him, shake hands and hug him. Xan stepped back and watched happily at Jay’s reaction to the whole thing, feeling pleased with all he had planned. He had spent a lot of time ringing and emailing everyone to make sure they were here for Jay’s special day.

Jenny came up behind Xan and put her arm around him, squeezing him in a cuddle. “You did so good munchkin, look how happy he is.”

The room Xan had rented was on an estate and was part of a very old listed building. It had high ceilings, huge windows and very old artwork hung on the walls. They had set up seating around the room for everyone, with tables beautifully decorated. There was an open bar and food for everyone to tuck into, while music played. Everyone was dressed smartly and the room was a buzz with chatter. Xan had planned everything down to the last little detail, there was a table setup for guests to put their cards and presents for Jay and next to it was a delicious looking birthday cake. Jay’s friends, Rupe, Vince and Kyle made their way over to greet him with the first of many drinks of the evening.

“Hey guys! I can’t believe Xan got you to dress up.” Jay chuckled, talking about Vince.

“I’ll have you know, this is the 3rd time I’ve worn a suit.” Vince retorted.

“Yeah one was a wedding and one was in court!” Rupe laughed.

“Alright alright laugh all you like. It’s okay to feel jealous.” Vince mocked.

The three continued squabbling as Jay excused himself. He had been greeting people for nearly an hour now, but there was someone special he was looking for. Facing away from him across the room, Jay spotted Xan’s long hair and pink shirt, he smiled and swiftly made his way over to him. Xan was stood with Jenny, Daisy and a few other people just chatting. Jay wrapped his arms around him and kissed Xan’s cheek.

“There you are, sweetie.”

Xan giggled and took Jay by the hand. He led him outside next to the large fountain. “Are you having a good time?” Xan asked as his eyes sparkled.

“I’m having a wonderful time sweetie. I can’t believe you managed to do all this, without me knowing.”

“Miss Jenny helped too.” Xan smiled.

“Well I shall have to thank her later.” Jay leaned forward and kissed Xan, holding him close. “My sweet boy.”

“I think it’s time for your present.” Xan said feeling a little bashful. He pulled a small wrapped box from his shirt pocket and held it out for Jay.

“Aw sweetie, you didn’t need to get me anything, just having you makes me happier than I’ve ever been.”

Xan chuckled and put the box in Jay’s hand. He ripped the paper off and stared at the little black box. Jay lifted the top to reveal the silver necklace inside, it had a silver hoop pendant with a gold J and a rose gold X overlapping. Xan watched as Jay unwrapped his present, looking intently to see if he liked it. A tear fell from Jay’s eyes as he held the necklace carefully in his hands.

“Xan I.. it’s beautiful.” He stammered. “Thankyou baby.” Jay locked lips with Xan once more.

“I’m so glad you like it! I had it custom made.”

“Xan! That must have cost a fortune sweetie.” Jay said a little shocked.

“It was worth it, to see your face just then.” Xan smiled brightly. “We should get you back inside, you’re missing your own party.”

“Okay, let’s get a drink.” Jay chuckled and walked Xan back inside.

When they got to the bar, Jay ordered himself a whiskey and Xan a cocktail. “Here sweetie, try this.”

Xan looked a little hesitant, but sipped the colourful drink. “Mmm! It’s really tasty!”

Just as they met up with Jenny and Daisy by the food table, Jay was called away again. He looked at Xan, but Xan just chuckled and ushered Jay away, it was his night and he needed to see everyone.

“Hey munchkin, fancy a little bite with us?” Jenny asked patted him on the back.

She took Xan under her wing for the evening, keeping him company along with Daisy, who was happy tucking into the food and drinking her vodka and coke. They were happy to have Xan stay with them for the evening. A little while later, it was time for Jay to blow out the candles on his cake. Xan led the room as they all sang happy birthday.

“Make a wish!” Xan called out.

Jay blew out the candles and everyone clapped. Just as Jay started to slice his cake, Xan tapped Jenny on the shoulder.

“Could I get my bag from the car?” He whispered.

“Of course munchkin, do you need any help?”

“No it’s okay I can do it.” Xan hurried off for a quick diaper change.

Back in the room Jay looked around as he handed out slices of his cake, but couldn’t see Xan, he looked at Jenny and mouthed ‘Where’s Xan?’, with her miming back ‘Change’. Jay tied to hurry up dishing out the cake and go help, but before he finished he spotted Xan at the bar. Xan smiled and waved at him as he ordered one of the cocktails Jay had introduced him to. Jay’s parents kept him busy chatting between the other family members for the next hour, with all of them catching up with each other. Xan had managed to get some Aunties and Cousins of Jay’s that he hadn’t seen in years to be there for the special evening.

As the night wore on, the first of the guests started to leave and the evening began to wind down. Jay was still busy chatting away to everyone. Xan was enjoying another of his new favourite fruity drink, it had a sweet taste, but also made him feel strange when he drank it. As he finished his glass he set it down, accidentally knocking the empty glass over.

“Oopsie.”

Jenny hadn’t noticed until now, that Xan was getting a little drunk and scolded herself for not realizing.

“Okay munchkin, how about I get you a coffee?”

“Eww no that’s yucky.” Xan screwed his face up. “Where’s Daddy got to?” He asked looking around.

Jenny went off to see Jay while Daisy sat with Xan. Daisy had been having a wonderful evening, getting a little tipsy herself. When Jenny found Jay he was laughing as Vince was being carried out by Rupe and Kyle, the three of them bundled themselves into the back of a taxi and waved as the left.

Jenny tapped Jay on the shoulder. “Speaking of drunk, I think Xan is a little.”

“Really?” Jay said surprised. “Oh shit! I don’t think he knew the cocktail had alcohol in.” Jay scolded himself, thinking he should have taken better care of him. “How many did he have? Is he okay?”

“Err not sure but a few and he’s fine, don’t worry. Come see him.”

Jay rushed over to the table where Xan and Daisy sat. “Hey sweetie are you alright?”

“Mhmm.” Xan beamed up at him. “Mmm going to get some birthday cake with Daisy, you sit here and we’ll bring you a piece too!” He exclaimed happily, then on wobbly legs, he and Daisy went off to the cake table.

“See? He’s fine. I have to ask though, has Xan ever been drunk before?” Jenny chuckled.

“I’m not sure, he doesn’t really like alcohol and he hasn’t since I’ve known him. Do you think he even knows?” Jay questioned.

Before Jenny had a chance to answer the two friends came back with cake for everyone. Daisy carried most of it, setting them down on the table infront of Jenny and Jay. Xan was only carrying his piece and was concentrating very hard not to drop it. He wasn’t sure why he felt so wobbly or why he felt so giggly, but it wasn’t unpleasant. Plopping himself down next to Jay he tucked into his cake, without any hesitation, though he got more on his fingers than anywhere else.

“Okay mucky pup, do you need a change?” Jay asked with a warm smile.

“That’s okay, I can do it.” Xan said as he tried to get up.

Jay just took him by the hand, grabbing the diaper bag and walked him to the bathroom. “Daddy wants to help sweetie.”

Jay decided he wouldn’t tell Xan about the drinks until they were on their way home, hoping to avoid a meltdown. Xan was lifted up onto the side by the sink in the disabled toilet, with Jay helping pull down his trousers.

“Oh sweetie you’re soaked! Luckily we can have you cleaned up in no time.”

The increased intake of drinks and Xan’s lowered inhibitions had really lowered his bladder control until it was practically non-existent. Jay taped him into a fresh, thicker diaper and pulled his trousers back on.

“Daddyyyy.” Xan sung, reaching out for a cuddle.

Jay cuddled his little one tight. “Yeah sweetie. We will be going home soon okay?”

“Kay.”

It was lucky the party was winding down, Jay was starting to feel tired and Xan was running out of diapers. He helped his wobbly boy back to the table with Daisy and Jenny, kissing him on the cheek as he sat down. Xan happily chatted away to Jenny and Daisy, almost instantly being drawn into their conversation. Jenny saw the look on Jay’s face and knew he thought he had let Xan down.

She patted Jay’s leg. “He’s quite happy, stop worrying.” She whispered, making Jay chuckle.

As the clock neared 11 o’clock, the last of the guests were leaving the hall and Jay was waving them off. Jenny gathered up the presents with Daisy’s help and put them in the car, along with Daisy and Xan’s bags. Now everyone was gone Jay picked Xan up into his arms, giving him a warm hug.

“I feel funny.” Xan mumbled.

“I know sweetie, I’m sorry.” Jay replied kissing Xan. “I didn’t think to tell you those drinks have alcohol in. That’s why you feel a bit funny.”

Xan looked at Jay with teary eyes. “Are you mad at me?”

“No sweetie, no no no. You’re not in trouble, I should have told you that’s my fault.” Jay kissed Xan’s head and rubbed his back. “Do you feel okay?”

Xan was relieved he wasn’t in trouble and was a little surprised. He drank alcohol? But it didn’t taste like it was alcoholic, it was just a tasty fruity drink.

He blushed and bowed his head.“Mm I think I’m… wet.” Xan said quietly feeling shy.

“Okay baby boy, well we have one diaper left so let’s get you changed, then we’ll get on our way home.”

Jay carried Xan, grabbing the diaper bag from the car. “Back in a minute.” He said giving Jenny a wink.

She smiled back. “No hurry.” Jenny wasn’t in a rush to get home, Daisy had already crashed out in the passenger seat, meaning it was going to be easy to get her to bed when they got home.

They headed off to the bathroom for the last pit stop of the night. As Jay helped him take off his trousers he could see his little one was soaked again. He put some cream on him and thoroughly powdered him, before taping up his diaper. While he worked he found himself wishing he had brought thicker diapers with him and hoping Xan wouldn’t get a rash. The daytime diapers were fine in normal circumstances, but after drinking they were less than ideal. During the evening Xan had got through them at a speedy rate, now being on his 5th and emptying the diaper bag in a matter of hours.

Xan insisted on walking back to the car, he had too much energy to be carried, but Jay kept him from running off by holding his hand as they walked through the hall. Although Xan pretty much pulled Jay along on the way to the car. The journey was uneventful, Jenny was concentrating on driving in the darkness, Daisy was snoozing and Jay was listening as Xan told him all the people he met and the things he had eaten, along with almost everything else he could remember about the evening. It seemed a drunk Xan was a talkative Xan and Jay had also noticed that he ate without a fuss too.

“Here we are!” Jenny announced, parking up on the curb.

“Yay!” Xan cheered and hopped out of the car almost losing his balance.

“Careful!” Jay rushed around and steadied Xan.

Jenny helped them carry the presents into the house, gently putting them just inside the door. As she stood up Xan wrapped himself around her hugging her tight.

“Thankyouuu for helping an’ everything.”

“Aw munchkin, you’re most welcome.” Jenny looked at Jay with a shocked expression.

Up until now Xan had been a little nervous with physical contact with other people, having only hugged his friend Daisy just twice, both of which were initiated by her. Xan had made Jenny so happy without even realising it. Jay smiled as he stood with his arms crossed, watching and gave Jenny a wink.

“Right sweetie, we have to let Jen go home now. It’s almost time for bed.”

Jay walked over and put his arm around Xan, steadying him on his feet and gave Jenny a hug goodbye. He scooped up the tipsy boy and carried him upstairs. Jay stood over Xan while he washed his face and brushed his teeth, in full mother hen protective mode. When he finished he slowly ushered him into the playroom to get him ready for bed. A quick change into his nighttime attire and Xan happily bounced into the bedroom flopping down on the bed. Jay followed him to the bedroom, chuckling at Xan’s belly flop onto the bed and got himself changed for bed. Jay slid into bed and wrapped his arms around his boy.

“Happy birthday Daddy.” Xan said softly, his heavy eyelids telling Jay that cuddle time would be short tonight.

“Thankyou, my sleepy baby boy.” He whispered as he stroked Xan’s back.

He was laying in one of his favourite spots, his legs between Jay’s, resting his head on Jay’s chest, listening to the soothing sound of Jay’s heart beating, the calm rhythm sending him off to dreamland. For Jay, it was the perfect ending to a perfect birthday.


	7. A Rainy Day

It had been a busy start to the weekend for Xan, he was called in to meet with a new client about an upcoming art gallery show. Jay had packed him a little lunch and driven him to the appointment. Xan was hesitant though, he didn’t want to drag Jay out of bed on his day off. Jay however reassured him he would be getting up regardless and was happy to take him. Xan would be able to get a lift back home in the afternoon, so Jay had the rest of the day to enjoy.

He pulled up outside of the office building and handed Xan his back pack. “Have a good day sweetie.” He smiled and leaned over to kiss him. “See you in a little while.”

They waved to each other as Xan headed into the big glass building. Before going back home though, Jay stopped in at his favourite coffee shop and picked himself up a cappuccino. Just as he was leaving he noticed a food truck was parked up at the other end of the carpark and decided to give it a try. It was a Japanese themed menu and he brought a Katsu burger with a side of crispy chilli squid. Sitting on the wooden bench, he tucked into his meal, making a little mental note to bring Xan down to try it as he was a lover of Asian cuisine.

Stomach satisfied, he set off home, this time with a little spring in his step. Before meeting Xan he didn’t listen to the radio in his SUV much, he could never find something he would like to listen to for very long, but since Xan had introduced him to his rock station he found himself wanting to listen to it. Even knowing which programs were on and which presenters he preferred, plus the added bonus of it reminding him of Xan innocently singing along in the passenger seat. It made him smile the whole way home as he thought of Xan, humming along to the radio. Jay had a relaxed day at home, he got a little housework done and was just finishing up in the kitchen when he heard Xan let himself in at the front door. Xan flipped off his hood and shook the rain off of his head.

“Hi busy boy, how did it go?” He asked, beaming a wide smile at Xan.

“It went well, just kinda long.” Xan hung up his jacket, dropped his backpack down and went to give Jay a cuddle. “I was asked to make 3 large canvases like I did with the movie series, same size and same style.” He explained as he wrapped his arms around Jay. “I think it’ll be good.” He smiled up at Jay.

“That sounds great sweetie! You’re doing so well, I couldn’t be prouder.” Jay grinned rubbing Xan’s back. “I know you’re going to do amazing sweetie.”

“I just have to go and phone my supplier to order the canvases.” Xan said, stretching up to give Jay a peck on the lips.

Jay smiled as he watched Xan grab his backpack and plonk it down in his art room, grabbing his phone. 10 minutes later the canvases were ordered and he told Jay he was going to get changed.

“Xan, would you bring me your lunchbox first?”

Xan’s stomach sank as a feeling of dread washed over him. He knew he hadn’t done well, having only managed to eat most of the apple slices and now he had to show Jay. Xan didn’t want to disappoint Jay, but he would never lie to him, that would only make him feel worse. He slowly took the full lunchbox out of his backpack, while dragging his feet and made his way over to Jay. Hanging his head in shame the whole way, he hesitantly handed the lunchbox to Jay. Taking hold of it, Jay could tell Xan hadn’t eaten much, if any. Xan was so upset, feelings of self loathing filled his head as he stared at his feet. Without realising it, he began to dig his fingernails into his forearm to alleviate some of the pressure he was feeling. The skin turned red and sore as he gripped tightly.

“Okay. That’s not enough sweetie, but it’s alright. I know you are trying and everyone has a bad day now and again.” Jay said as he looked inside the little plastic box.

He gently patted Xan on the shoulder to try and reassure him, but Xan didn’t look up. The younger man couldn’t help it he was overwhelmed, he knew he should have eaten lunch, but the stresses of the day and his shyness in public made it almost impossible for him. Xan felt so guilty and thought he had let Jay down. Just then Jay noticed that Xan was harming himself and stepped in.

“Oh, no no no.” He said as he gently pried Xan’s hands loose. “Easy sweetie.” Jay sat on the ground behind Xan and pulled him into his lap. Wrapping one arm around Xan’s middle and using his other to pin Xan’s hands down, they sat quietly. “I’ve got you, let’s just stay calm and breathe okay?”

Xan hung his head in shame as he whimpered in Jay’s lap fighting back the tears. He could feel Jay’s chest pressed to his back and his strong arms holding him tight and it made him feel safe. Jay lay his head against Xan’s and kissed the back of his head as he calmed him down.

“Daddy will keep you safe.” Jay said softly.

A few minutes passed before Jay let Xan turn himself around and he was already feeling a lot better than before. His hand went straight to his mouth and he nibbled on the end of his thumb.

“Mmm sorry...” He said quietly.

“I know you are sweetie. Can you tell me why you got so upset?”

“Thought you were disappointed and… I let you down.” Xan said mumbling a little.

“Okay I understand. But we can’t have you do that sweetie, okay?” Jay said in a serious tone.

Xan knew he just wanted the best for him, but it still felt like he was in trouble. He sat lost in thought on the kitchen floor while Jay stood up. Jay opened the first aid box to get Xan a plaster for the small cuts on his arm.

“Stand up for me sweetie.” Jay smiled down at him.

Xan snapped out of his daydream, stood up and let Jay take ahold of his arm. Leaning down Jay pressed a soft kiss on the little cuts, making Xan’s worries fly away as he cracked a smile. Jay stuck the colourful plaster over the 4 little bloody scratches.

“How about we go for a little walk by the river hm?” Jay suggested, looking over at Xan’s lost expression.

“Mmm I’s been raining, can I wear wellies?” Xan asked with his thumb in his mouth.

“That’s a good plan and a raincoat too I think.” Jay said as he peeked out the window. “Do you need a change before we go sweetie?”

Xan blushed, letting Jay know the answer. After a quick diaper change, Xan bounced down the stairs dressed in black jeans, a long sleeve tshirt and with his hair tied up. He rummaged through the coat cupboard looking for his red wellington boots, so he could splash in the puddles. As Jay came down the stairs he was greeted with a pair of feet and a wiggling bum sticking out from the hallway cupboard.

“Do you need some help?” Jay chuckled.

“Found them!” Xan cheered, plonking backwards onto his bum and pulling on his bright red boots.

Jay patted Xan’s head as he pulled out both his and his little ones coat from the hanging hooks. He slipped on his boots and sat on the little wooden bench to do the laces. Xan grabbed hold of his coat and fought to put his arms in the sleeves, before doing the zip up.

“Ready!” He declared, standing infront of Jay in his royal blue coat, with a big beaming smile and his hood up.

“You are so adorable.” Jay gushed, slipping his own coat on.

As they made their way to the river, it was just a 15 minute walk to their favourite spot. Xan splashed in every single puddle they came across on their walk. He would walk up to the puddle, wait for Jay to walk past so he wouldn’t get wet and then splash the water everywhere, giggling with every jump. They left the pavement and walked down the grassy walkway, which after the rain was getting a little muddy. Luckily they were wearing the proper footwear, so they didn’t have to worry. They made it onto the mud track that ran alongside the river and as expected it had lots of puddles and lots of mud. Xan bounced from puddle to puddle like a kangaroo splashing water and mud everywhere. Jay couldn’t help but smile at how much fun Xan was having. Xan jumped two footed into a big wide puddle making a great big splash, sending muddy water shooting out in all directions, even splashing himself. He turned to Jay and let out a joyous giggle as the muddy water dripped off of the hood of his brightly coloured coat.

“That was a big one!” Jay chuckled. “Okay muddy boy, shall we drop some stones in the river?”

“Mhmm!” Xan grinned happily and grabbed a stone in each hand.

He ran up to the metal railing and looked back to check Jay was coming. Jay himself picked up a large stone and stood next to his smiling boy.

“Ready?” He asked, waiting for Xan’s nod. “3 2 1 throw!”

On Jay’s mark they both threw their stone into the river, making a big ker-sploosh! Sending a water spout up into the air and splashing back into the river. Xan watched with glee as the stones sunk under the water and the splash sent ripples out across the river. Jay put his arm around Xan as they watched the raindrops drip off of the leaves and drip into the river. Xan leaned in, resting his head on Jay.

“It’s pretty here.” Xan conveyed.

“It is. If you like on a dry day we can come down here and you could sketch.” Jay thought.

“Really!?” Xan asked, looking at Jay with a glint in his eye.

“Yep.” Jay smiled brightly. “You can sketch and we can bring a picnic. It will be fun.”

Just as they made their plan a loud clap of thunder rumbled above them frightening the younger man, making him grip tightly to Jay.

“Are you okay sweetie?” Jay asked a little concerned.

“Yeah, just made me jump.” He said.

“How about we head home now, yeah? I think you could use a bath.” Jay said, wiping one of the many muddy spots from Xan’s forehead.

They walked hand in hand back down the muddy path they had came from. The path being covered by trees overhead, dripped great big drops of water down onto them as they walked under. One landing right on the end of Xan’s nose which sent him into a fit of giggles and made him frantically wipe the cold wetness away. Jay pulled a tissue from his pocket and helped dry Xan’s nose.

“Thankyou.”

“You’re welcome sweetie.”

They walked back home a little quicker than they left, the rain was really coming down now and the skies were filled with dark grey clouds. Xan still happily splashed in the puddles on the path as he held onto Jay’s hand, being as careful as he could not to get Jay too wet. Jay chuckled watching Xan take such delight in stomping the water in his red boots and felt such a warmth inside. The kind of warmth that made him want to just pick Xan up and hold him close forever.

When they reached home both of them kicked off their boots by the door, with Jay taking Xan’s coat for him and hanging them up to dry. Xan shook his head around, in an attempt to dry off a little and stood smiled at Jay. Xan had muddy spots on his face and hands from splashing down by the river, along with soggy socks and trousers.

“I think it’s bath time, mucky pup.” Jay chuckled, licking his thumb and rubbing some mud from Xan’s cheek. “Come on sweetie.” He said ushering Xan upstairs.

Jay ran the warm water, filling the bathtub and adding Xan’s sweet smelling bubble bath. Xan turned on the radio and set about peeling off his wet socks and trousers, dropping them in the washing basket. He sat on the closed lid of the toilet in just his damp daytime diaper, swinging his legs freely and waiting patiently for the bath to fill. Jay dropped a couple of brightly coloured rubber ducks into the water before declaring it was ready. Xan untaped his diaper and folded it up, then climbed in to the comforting warmth. He let out a content sigh as he swished the water and bubbles with his hands. Jay leaned down and kissed Xan on the top of his head, he picked up his diaper and turned to leave, giving Xan some time to play with the ducks and bubbles.

In the bedroom Jay got himself changed into his comfy indoor clothes, but could hear Xan chatting away in the bath and it made him smile. Going back into the bathroom, he saw Xan had a duck in each hand and a big bubble beard. As Jay had predicted, Xan hadn’t done much washing since he got in and knowing it would soon be dinnertime, so he decided to help things along.

“Shall we get you all washed little one? Then we can cook some yummy dinner together.” Jay said as he knelt beside the bath.

“But I can do it.” Xan protested.

“I know you can, I’m just going to help out a little, while you play sweetie.”

Jay set about washing Xan’s back and arms, while Xan picked up the rainbow shaped sponge to wash his face, washing away both his muddy spots and his bubbly beard. Xan hummed along to the song that was playing while he scrubbed himself clean. Xan washed his long hair with his favourite strawberry shampoo and conditioner, then let Jay rinse his hair for him. He helped Xan out and after he insisted on drying himself, Jay left him to it. But Jay knew that even though Xan was trying to prove he was a big boy and could do it himself, he would still end up helping out, so he stood just out of view in the hallway and waited. Xan dried his body and made a start on his hair, but with it being so long and thick he soon grew tired.

“Daddy?” Xan called out reluctantly. “Can you help dry my hair?” He asked, sulking a little.

Jay chuckled and helped his sulky boy dry his hair. “Shall we tie it in a bun or a pony tail?” He asked.

“Mmm… can you do it in a bun please?” Xan mumbled.

Jay tied his hair into a neat bun and then led his little one to the change mat. Xan picked out a little paws diaper and a onesie with multi coloured spots. And after Jay powdered and diapered him, Xan puled the onesie over his head, then let Jay snap the crotch closed.

“Okay little chef, let’s get some dinner.” Jay said as he cuddled Xan.

Xan sped off downstairs with a renewed happiness, he couldn’t wait to make something tasty for Jay. Pulling out the ingredients from the fridge he needed, he set to work chopping the chicken into strips and dropping them into the frying pan. The rain was still lashing against the window as the chicken sizzled. Xan caught himself daydreaming a little, watching the water drops roll down the window.

Jay joined Xan in the kitchen and kissed him on the temple. “Do you need some help, cutie pie?”

Xan chuckled. “Can you do the veggies?”

Jay tickled Xan’s sides making him squeal. “Coming right up!”

With Jay’s help they quickly prepared and cooked up some teriyaki chicken, vegetables steamed with a little sesame oil and fluffy rice. Xan hopped up onto his chair and quickly made a start on his dinner, he was unusually hungry tonight, because of missing lunch.

“Very nice sweetie, you’ve done well.” Jay complemented as he tucked into another bite of chicken.

Jay was relieved that Xan was eating well, thankful to avoid the fight that came with most dinnertimes. Though recently his therapy had been progressing, Xan was still struggling with his big evening meal. Jay was very patient and took lots of time with Xan, helping him any way he could and encouraging him rather than forcing him. Jay methods worked well almost all the time unless Xan was having a rather bad day. Jay had also found that when Xan was in littlespace he was much more pliable and it was much easier to get him to eat. While Jay was thinking about Xan and dinnertime, the younger man had finished his dinner and was tidying away his plate.

Jay snapped back to reality and looked around to Xan. “Did you finish already?”

“Mhmm.” Xan answered with a little pout.

“What’s wrong sweetie?”

“I should really start to do research, for my project...but… want to cuddle.” Xan told him.

“Well you could bring your laptop onto the sofa and do your research there. Then you can lean up against me and cuddle.”

Before Jay could finish his sentence, Xan sped off with a big toothy grin to get his laptop and his brief ready. Jay chuckled to himself as he tidied up their plates, giving them a quick wash and leaving them to dry. He let out a big yawn and stretched, then after making them each a drink he headed to the sofa. Xan of course was already waiting with a big smile plastered across his face, he usually did his research in his art room without any distractions, but it was still very early on in the project so any progress was good progress. Jay set the drinks down on the coffee table and lounged back in the corner of the sofa. Xan hoped up in his onesie and wiggled his padded bum back, until his back was against Jay’s chest. Pulling his knees up a little to give his laptop somewhere to balance, he opened the lid of his sticker covered machine and the screen flashed to life.

Jay wrapped one arm around Xan’s middle, holding him close and kissed the top of his head. “There we are all snuggled and you can still do your research.”

As Jay flipped from channel to channel, trying to find something on tv to watch, the sky continued to rumble outside. Finally deciding on an action movie that he only partly remembered. Jay was very happy cuddled up with Xan, his attention was half on the movie and half on his phone. It was going to be a relaxed lazy night and that suited him perfectly. Xan was on different websites, reading and copying pictures that he would use for inspiration when his canvases arrived Monday morning. As the clock neared 9pm Xan closed his laptop and pushed it away.

“Mmm finished f’now.” Xan said as his thumb crept its way into his mouth. He wriggled around until he was facing Jay and lay his head on Jay’s chest. “Wha’s ‘his?”

Jay put his phone down and wrapped his arms around Xan with a smile. “Just a film sweetie, it finishes in a minute though. Is there anything you want to watch tonight?” He asked as he rubbed Xan’s back.

“Jus’ cuddle.” Xan breathed as he relaxed against Jay.

“James Bond’s on, you like that.” Jay suggested.

“Yeah!” He cheered.

They both happily settled in to watch James Bond on his escapades fighting off an evil mastermind and once again saving the world. As the credits started to roll Jay found himself starting to doze. He shook his head to wake himself up, then looking down at Xan, noticing that he too was tired. Xan’s eyelids drooping and his breathing steady.

“Right sleepy boy, I think it’s bedtime.”

Xan protested. “Noooo another oneee.” He whined.

“We’ll watch another one tomorrow sweetie, you’re too tired for another movie.”

“Mmm not tired.” Xan said rather unconvincingly.

Jay just chuckled. “Come on sweetie, we can watch a little something in bed.”

Reluctantly Xan agreed and Jay led him upstairs to the bathroom. They brushed their teeth and while Xan brushed his hair, Jay checked his diaper.

“Still pretty dry little one.” Jay kissed his cheek. “Good boy.”

Jay scooped him up and aeroplaned him into the bedroom, making Xan giggle. He set Xan down on the bed and he flopped over onto his back. Jay stepped over to his side of the bed, kicked off his trousers and changed into a comfy tshirt. Turning around he saw Xan was cuddling Bear and almost asleep already, Jay clicked off the light and climbed under the covers, there was no need for anymore TV tonight. Xan wiggled his way up the bed until he reached the pillow. His hair sprawled out over his pillow as he lay looking at Jay with heavy eyelids. Jay smiled at him and gently pulled his thumb out of his mouth, replacing it with a paci.

“Night Daddy.”

Jay moved closer and wrapped his arm around Xan. “Goodnight little one, sweet dreams.”


	8. Grumpy Sunday

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The storm outside keeps Xan awake, which is bad for the both of them

The wind and rain lashed against the windows all night long, the dark sky rumbling and flashing, jolting the younger man awake intermittently. After a night of very little sleep Xan gave up and dragged his overtired body up from the bed. It was still dark outside, but that was mostly from the stormy clouds. He wiped his sleepy eyes and stumbled out into the playroom. He dropped down onto his padded bum with a dull thud and sat groggily looking at his mountain of stuffed friends. He pulled some out, playing with them for a few seconds, then set them down and moved onto the next. Soon though he grew bored and thirsty, grabbing Kimchi he went off to the kitchen. Leaving the playroom with stuffed animals covering the entirety of the floor.

The grouchy young man wandered slowly down the stairs, with Kimchi bouncing down the steps behind him. He filled a sippy cup with juice and flopped down on the sofa. Looking around for the remote, he spotted it on the table out of reach and with frustration building he thumped him hands on the sofa cushion and let out a ‘Humph’. After standing to get the control he flumped back down on the sofa, pouting as he flicked on the TV. His eyes stung as the bright screen shone into the dark room. Xan leaned backward cuddling Kimchi and slowly drank his juice.

Upstairs Jay stirred in bed, rolling over he reached out his arm to find Xan missing. His head popped up and he looked around the room, but found no trace of his illusive little one. Grabbing his phone, through squinted eyes, he checked the time. It was not quite 9am, very early for Xan to be awake, especially on a Sunday. Jay got up and brushed his teeth, then as he headed back to the bedroom to grab his phone something in the playroom caught his eye. The large amount of stuffed animals sprawled out all over the floor. Jay couldn’t help but chuckle to himself. He found Xan slumped on the sofa.

“Morning sweetie.” Jay said as he leant over the back of the sofa to kiss Xan’s head. “You’re up early.”

“Couldn’t s’eep.” Xan mumbled with his now empty sippy cup in his mouth.

“Aw sweetie, I’m sorry. Do you want a refill?” Jay said stroking Xan’s hair.

Xan handed him his cup and snuggled Kimchi. Jay stood yawning in the kitchen, while he made his morning coffee. He refilled Xan’s cup with juice and headed to the sofa. There was a strange feeling in the air, a mix of the storm raging outside and the aura of the boy on the sofa. In his tired state though, Jay hadn’t noticed Xan’s grumpiness. He dropped down onto the sofa next to Xan.

“Here sweetie.” Jay smiled, handing Xan his sippy cup.

Xan took the cup gently. “T’ankyou...” He mumbled with his thumb in his mouth.

Jay cuddled next to him. “What time did you get up?” He asked wrapping his arm around him and stroking his shoulder.

Xan’s gaze didn’t leave the tv. “I think it was before 7.” He said flatly.

Jay looked at Xan and saw he had dark circles around his eyes and could now tell he was very grouchy. So he decided to get up to make some breakfast for them, in the kitchen he laid all the breakfast selection on the table and called Xan in. Xan wandered into the kitchen rubbing his eye with one hand and clutching Kimchi loosely in his other.

He took one look at the food and turned around to leave. “No thankyou.”

Jay had expected it to be difficult but was still surprised by Xan’s reaction. He chased after him. “Uh uh uh, not so fast mister. You have to eat a little bit.”

Jay gently steered Xan back into the kitchen and sat him at the table. Xan lowered his head and pouted, sticking his bottom lip out as far as it would go. Jay had to stop himself from smirking as he sat across from Xan.

“Look sweetie, I cut some strawberries up for you.” Jay smiled, placing the fruit before him.

Xan took a small piece and nibbled on it, to Jay’s delight. It was progress. Jay thought about how it was going to be a difficult day for Xan as he tucked into his own breakfast and while he kept an eye on Xan. Quickly finishing his toast with jam, he sat back and drank his coffee as he tucked into a few bites of fruit. Xan had stopped pouting, but hadn’t made much progress on breakfast. He had eaten the equivalent of just 2 strawberries, Jay was very understanding though, he knew Xan was trying and didn’t pressure him. After they had sat at the table for almost 40 minutes, Xan had eaten another few bites of strawberry and Jay decided it was enough for now, it would only end up in a fight

“Okay little one, I think we can finish now.” Jay said patting his shoulder.

Xan looked up at Jay with a sad expression, he didn’t want to disappoint Jay, but he just couldn’t overcome his food issues today, no matter how hard he tried. His bottom lip quivered, in his overtired state he was feeling very fragile.

“It’s alright. It’s okay sweetie.” Jay lifted Xan up and cuddled him, trying to avoid a meltdown. “I think someone needs a change.”

Jay started to carry Xan upstairs to the playroom, to get him changed out of his night-time diaper. But Xan wriggled around as Jay carried him.

“Oh sweetie, you’re a fussy boy today aren’t you?” Jay asked rhetorically as he let Xan down, so he could walk.

He ushered Xan down the hallway and into the playroom, stepping through the mass of stuffed animals all over the floor. Xan stood looking at them all, picking the few near him up one by one and setting them back in their usual space. The wind and rain continued to lash against the windows in waves. The grey overcast sky darkening the day, making it seem like early night, even though it was now mid morning.

“Shall we get you changed first? Then we can tidy your friends up.” Jay suggested.

Xan stood with his thumb in his mouth, slowly picking up the animals one at a time. He shook his head no and continued slowly tidying. Jay let out a little sigh, but relented and helped Xan tidy away the stuffed animals. It was slow going but eventually the mountain was rebuilt and Xan was finally ready to get changed. He laid himself down with his thumb still firmly in his mouth. Jay smiled and with a paci in his hand he tried to pull Xan’s thumb from his mouth. But Xan resisted, letting out a whine and trying to roll onto his side and escape.

“Okay sweetie.” Jay said, putting the paci aside and patting Xan’s stomach to keep him laying still. “Do you want to have a little sleep?”

Jay changed Xan while he thought about it for a moment but didn’t like that idea and shook his head no. Jay knew he was tired but hadn’t counted on everything being a battle with his fussy boy.

“All changed.” He happily declared. “Let’s get you a fresh tshirt sweetie.” Jay said helping Xan out of his night-time onesie and up onto his feet. “Shall we spend a little time in the cuddle chair?” He asked hoping to please Xan.

“Yea.” Xan said weakly with a little smile, his thumb still in his mouth.

Jay was relieved and so happy to see that smile, he took Xan into the bedroom to help him choose a tshirt. Xan chose quite quickly a pink tshirt with a sleepy koala bear print and at lightning speed took his thumb out of his mouth, put the shirt on and slipped his thumb back in. Jay chuckled as he watched Xan turn and wander back into the playroom, standing by the cuddle chair waiting for him.

“Up we go.” Jay smiled, sitting in the chair and lifting Xan into his lap.

The younger man quickly got comfortable, nestling his head on Jay’s shoulder. Jay happily snuggled him and rubbed his back slowly. Jay was comfy and ready to settle in for a long sit, hoping Xan would go to sleep and rest. In a matter of minutes, Jay could feel Xan’s breathing slow and his thumb drop from his mouth as he started to drift off to sleep.

Brr Riiing Ring Riiiiiinnngg!

Jay’s phone sprang to life in his pocket, startling Xan awake. Jay fumbled in his pocket, pulling out his phone. With a little grumble Xan slid off Jay’s lap and wandered away.

“It’s okay sweetie, we can still cuddle. I can text.” Jay called after him.

Xan had his thumb back in his mouth and was slowly making his way down the hallway. “Can ‘e get a drink?”

Jay pulled himself up to his feet and made his way to Xan, kissing the top of his head. “Of course sweetie.”

Jay knew Xan was too irritable to be carried, so he put his arm around him and they walked together down to the kitchen, with Xan dragged his feet all the way. After Xan chose what he would like to drink, Jay poured him a sippy cup full of juice, handed it to Xan and lovingly kissed the top of his head.

Xan smiled sweetly at Jay. “Thankyou Daddy.”

“You’re welcome sweet boy. Do you want to relax on the sofa?”

Xan nodded as he drank a little of his juice and held his hand out for Jay to hold. Jay was a little taken by surprise but happily took Xan’s hand. They sat next to each other on the sofa, while Jay flicked through his phone. Xan lasted a whole minute before he crawled into Jay’s lap. Jay didn’t say anything, he just smiled to himself as he messaged Jenny to find out what she wanted.

Jay: Hey what’s up? Sorry I didn’t answer, I was trying to get Xan to fall asleep.

Jen: That’s okay. Daisy is gone for a few days and I’ve already cleaned everything and caught up with my tv shows. I was going to see if you wanted to have a day out tomorrow?

Jay: Sounds great, but I’m working tomorrow. How’s Tuesday for you? Where would you like to go?

Jen: Tuesday’s good. I was thinking lunch in the park and we could take munchkin to the petting zoo.

Jay: Oh wow he will love that. We will pick you at say 11ish?

Jen: Excellent! Ooo I can’t wait I’ll see you Tuesday.

Jay smiled at his phone as they made the plans to surprise Xan. This time Xan lasted until he finished his juice before he slid off of Jay’s lap. He dropped his empty cup on the coffee table and plonked himself down on his bum infront of his toy chest. Opening up the light coloured wooden lid, he looked inside at all the different toys he had available. He flitted between playing dinosaurs, hotwheels and blocks, but didn’t play with anything for very long. The night of no sleep meant he lost interest very quickly with everything today. After a couple of hours Xan had settled down a little and was working on colouring a picture of some happy fish.

Jay was rustling up some lunch in the kitchen for them both, nothing too big as he knew Xan wouldn’t eat very much. He set everything on the kitchen table and stood back for a moment, checking things were ready. Then went into the front room and stood above Xan as he coloured.

He placed his hand on Xan’s shoulder. “Looks good sweetie, you can finish after we have some yummy lunch.”

“Don’t want any.” Xan grumbled, continuing to colour.

“I know but just try a little sweetie.” Jay tried to bargain.

Xan let out a Humph! And sat pouting, looking up at Jay.

“Please come have some lunch with Daddy.” Jay smiled sweetly.

Xan sat looking at Jay’s heartfelt expression and it melted away all his resistance. That sweet pleading smile could calm Xan almost every time and Jay didn’t know it but he could wrap Xan around his finger.

“I’ll try a little bit.” Xan agreed, holding his arms out for Jay to help him up.

Jay was more than happy with that and lifted Xan up, making an exaggerated whoosh sound that made Xan let out a little giggle. At the table Xan sat staring at the intimidating looking plate of food infront of him. Jay rubbed his shoulder in an attempt to ease Xan’s apprehension. With a little smile Xan took his first bite of lunch, much to Jay’s joy. Unfortunately Xan stalled after just 3 bites of sandwich, grinding to a complete halt. Starting to get restless once again, he wriggled in his seat and pushed his plate as far away as his arms could reach.

“Sweetie don’t do that, can you try a little bit more?”

Xan whined, turning sideways in his chair. “Noooooo, no more.” He sniffled getting upset. “I… don’t… I can’t...”

He was frustrated and in his weary state, it was hard for him to express himself. Xan sniffed as the tears filled his eyes, lifting his arm up to cover them.

“Hey, hey. Sweetie don’t cry.” Jay knelt infront of Xan and gently rubbed his thighs.

“I.. can’t... eat anymore. I’m sorry!” Xan wailed, tears flowing down his cheeks.

Jay wrapped him in a tight cuddle. “Oh Xan, you’ve got yourself in quite a state, haven’t you?” Jay rubbed Xan’s back as his crying subsided. “Right then Mister grumpy, it’s naptime.”

Xan opened his mouth in a vain attempt to protest, but was quickly shut down by Jay.

“No arguments, Daddy’s word is final.” Jay said in an ‘I mean business’ tone. He lifted Xan up off of the wooden chair. “Up we go sweetie.”

On their way to the bedroom Jay grabbed Xan’s juice, Kimchi and his phone. As he carried Xan down the hallway, he discreetly checked his diaper and after finding it only a little damp, they went into the bedroom. Jay sat Xan on the bed and pulled the curtains closed.

“Are you going downstairs?” Xan asked timidly.

With a smile on his face, Jay lay down on the bed. “I am going to lay right here and watch some shows, while you have a nice sleep sweetie, okay?”

Xan’s tired eyes sparkled, he felt very thankful to have someone care so much. Jay always knew what Xan wanted and was more than happy to do anything for him.

Jay pulled the blanket over Xan and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “Have a nice sleep sweetie.”

The sleepy boy fell asleep after just a few minutes of snuggling and Jay smiled down at him as he settled in. It also didn’t take long for Jay to get engrossed in the series he had started on Netflix.

The rain reduced to a slow pitter patter on the window above them, the angry rumbling clouds ceased their grumble. As the storm dissipated, so did the grumpiness that had loomed over Xan since the early hours. He was sprawled out on the bed, with one arm draped over Jay and his thumb loosely hanging from his lips. Jay decided that after 2 hours, it was time to get Xan up, thinking if he slept any longer he wouldn’t sleep tonight.

He rolled onto his side so he was facing Xan and rubbed the little ones shoulder. “Time to wake up baby boy.”

Xan scrunched up his face and curled up into Jay’s chest. Jay chuckled and cuddled him tight, pressing a kiss to the mass of tangled hair atop Xan’s head. Xan stretched out and looked up at Jay, his mouth was a little dry as he smacked his lips.

“Hi...” He croaked.

Jay helped him up and took him into the bathroom. Xan yawned and blinked the sleep from his eyes, while Jay lovingly untangled Xan’s messy hair. Next he laid the sleepy younger man down on his change mat and untaped his wet diaper. After wiping Xan clean he noticed he was getting a little bit of a rash on his bum, so carefully applied some nappy rash cream. Xan squeaked at the cold cream touching his bare skin.

“Sorry sweetie, almost done.” Jay said, quickly powdering and taping Xan into a fresh comfy diaper. “There we go.” Jay smiled, helping Xan up.

Xan stretched and let out a high pitched groan. “Mmm kind of hungry.” He said much to Jay’s surprise.

Jay couldn’t keep his delight hidden and he grinned from ear to ear.”What would you like sweetie? You can have aaaanything you want.”

“Cake?” Xan asked with a glint in his eye.

Jay chuckled. “Well I walked into that one. Okay cake it is.”

Jay followed the revitalized Xan down to the kitchen, where he leapt into his chair and sat waiting for his cake. Opening the fridge Jay pulled out Xan’s home made vanilla frosted jam sponge cake. Picking up a sharp knife he cut a modest slice for Xan and slid the piece onto a colourful plate. As he turned around he was greeted with Xan’s sparkling eyes staring at the plate in his hand.

“Here sweetie.” Jay said placing the plate and a fork infront of Xan.

“Thankyou.” Xan replied, barely finishing the word before he took his first bite.

Jay sat at the table, resting his head on his hand, he watched with a big smile as Xan tucked into his sweet treat. Xan finished his cake quite quickly, especially for him. Jay licked his thumb and reached over to wipe a smudge of icing from the side of Xan’s mouth.

Jay licked it from his thumb. “Mmm nice.”

Xan blushed a deep red and hid his face. “Jaaaayyy.”

Standing up Jay laughed and wrapped his arms around Xan. “I think I need some snuggle time now, how about you?”

“Yeah.”

Jay slipped a paci into Xan’s mouth, then sat in his spot on the sofa. Xan nestled into his lap, laying his head on Jay’s shoulder as their chests pressed together. Jay wrapped one arm under Xan’s padded rear, holding him close while his other hand gently stroked Xan’s back.

“I love you Daddy.” Xan whispered as the paci bobbed in his mouth.

“I love you more baby boy.” Jay replied, kissing his little ones temple and laying his head against Xan’s.


	9. The Accident Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan and Jay's lives are turned upside-down when an accident strikes without warning.

“Yes that one there. I think that’s the perfect one.” Xan said, his eyes sparkling.

Xan directed the shop assistant to the top shelf. He was buying Jay a present, for no other reason than he thought he deserved one. And while browsing online the other day he had come across something perfect for him. Since Xan had known him, Jay had always liked his coffee, whether it be at home or at one of his favourite coffee shops. Xan had thought about buying him his own coffee machine for a while now and since he had just been paid from a rather large project, the timing was perfect. In the store Xan found the exact machine he had been looking at and had the store gift wrap it so Jay wouldn’t be able to sneak a peak before they got home.

He had taken himself into town and told Jay he wasn’t allowed to come. Jay of course faked his sadness, but knew his little one was up to something and so agreed to let Xan go alone, but only if he allowed Jay to pick him up. With a nod and a kiss, Xan had disappeared out the door. Even though it was a short time Jay had found himself a little lost being home alone, the house was weirdly quiet and he didn’t really know what to do with himself. Over an hour had passed before Jay’s phone buzzed. He practically pounced on it, the second it buzzed. He opened up the message, which was a selfie from Xan saying he was ready to be picked up.

Jay was out and into his SUV within the minute, setting off on his way to town. The closer he got the heavier traffic became, which had started to frustrate him. Eventually he came to a complete stop. Looking around he could see that he wasn’t far from their meeting point and so he messaged Xan to let him know where he was, in the hope he could come meet him as he sat in the stop start traffic. The siren of an ambulance screamed past the row of stopped cars, right past Jay, which gave him a little fright. Another few minutes passed and Jay had barely moved and a little more worryingly, Xan hadn’t replied. Jay impatiently tapped the steering wheel and as a second ambulance sped past, he stretched to see if he could see what the obstruction was up ahead. His eyes flicked to the time and he decided to ring Xan and find out where his boy was.

“Hello?” A strange voice answered.

The mysterious voice was an unwelcome surprise and Jay was concerned. “Who is this? Why do you have Xan’s phone?!” His tone was serious. Panic began running through his mind.

“Good afternoon Sir, my name is PC Brighton. I’m afraid there has been an accident...”

Jay’s heart thumped in his ears as the rest of the world fell silent. A sinking sick feeling in his stomach, shook him to his core. Jay shook his head, in an attempt to clear the fog. Stomping his foot to the ground his SUVs engine roared as he pulled up onto the curb, in a flash he jumped out and slammed the door shut. Further down the path he could see a mass of flashing blue lights and bodies of emergency personnel. He sprinted down the path as fast as his legs would carry him, the fear growing inside him with every step. As he got close a policeman stopped him in his tracks.

“Please, I need to see! My… my partner is there!” Jay screeched. His mouth was dry and tacky.

When he looked past the policeman, he could see one person on the ground being surrounded by paramedics and another being treated inside a crashed car. In slow motion his vision flicked from left to right as he desperately searched for any sign of Xan. Then, he saw it, Xan’s slip on vans trainers on the end of a stretcher being wheeled towards the open back doors of an ambulance.

“Hey! Wait! Let me past!” Jay shouted.

After an agonisingly long time, in Jay’s eyes, he was shown through the crash scene and allowed to climb into the ambulance. What he saw however, hurt his heart. There on the stretcher was Xan, laying unconscious and limp, the right side of his face a crimson mask and with an oxygen mask strapped to his face. Jay fell against the side on the ambulance and slid down into the seat. He stared at the machines that beeped around Xan.

In a daze he looked to the paramedic. “Wha… what happened?” He asked, tears filling his eyes.

In a blur, Xan was rushed into A&E in a cloud of noise and bodies. Jay followed behind, floating through the chaos. All around the emergency room was alive, machines bleeped and dinged, people were rushing around and the chatter of voices echoed into the distance. Jay was snapped back to reality as he stood overlooking the cubicle where Xan was.

The doctor in charge spoke in a loud and commanding voice. “Okay quiet for handover please.”

“Okay everyone, this is Xan aged 24. He was a pedestrian standing on the path, when a car mounted the pavement and struck him on his right hand side, throwing him approximately 8 feet. On my arrival he was unconscious with a GCS of 7. Injures from top to toe, he has a large gash to the right side of his head, cuts and scrapes to his right cheek and chin. Possible chest injures as well.” The paramedic announced.

“Right order an immediate CT and chest xray. Nurse we’re going to need bloods, I need medical history...” The doctor in charge ordered.

He continued talking but Jay’s thoughts trailed off, he dropped down into the chair in the corner in disbelief. This wasn’t real, it couldn’t be, he would wake up any second now and it would all just be a horrible dream. Xan was whisked off to the CT scan and the doctors left, while Jay sat trying to process the situation, when a bag of Xan’s belongings was placed next to him. On top was Xan’s phone, the screen was cracked and as Jay pulled it out, holding it in his hands, he began to cry.

“Dr Thompson?”

Jay wiped the tears from his eyes and looked up to see someone he recognised. “Cassie?”

“What are you doing down here? Aren’t you still on the 2nd floor?” She asked with a smile.

“Yeah… I er… my partner was just admitted.” Jay replied fighting back the tears.

“Oh er… sorry. I didn’t think… I mean.” Cassie stumbled over her words. Feeling sheepish, she moved closer to Jay and put her hand on his shoulder for comfort.

What seemed like hours passed before they bought Xan back to the cubicle, but in reality it was only a few minutes.

“Dr Thompson?”

“Dr Singh.” Jay acknowledged the doctor in charge, jumping up from his chair. They had worked together a number of years ago.

“He has a large cut to his hairline that will need stitches. We have to wait for the scan results to see if there is further damage. Mostly we will know more once he wakes up, but for the most part he has been very fortunate.” Dr Singh explained.

Jay thanked Dr Singh and slumped back into his chair. He turned to Xan and with shaking hands gently held Xan’s small cold fingers. Jay took a deep breath and closed his eyes, in an attempt to calm his panic and breathe a little slower. When he opened his eyes, he looked down at Xan, to see his eyelids flickering. A feeling of hope and excitement rushed through him, he jumped up and rubbed Xan’s hand in his.

Xan opened his eyes, he had a strong pain in his head and it hurt to breathe. He didn’t know where he was, the strange white ceiling and confusing sounds all around him only added to his disorientation. Then he caught sight of the best thing he could imagine, Jay. But something wasn’t right, he looked sad.

“Ja...y?” Xan’s voice croaked and he coughed gently.

“Oh Xan.” Jay whispered, gently stroking his cheek. “Everything’s alright baby, you were in an accident.”

Xan slowly began to wake up and look around. After thinking the worst and now seeing his boy awake and coherent, it was such a relief for Jay.

“Do you remember anything?”

“Mmm… was waiting for you and then there was a screechy noise and I think I got hit and fell over.” Xan told him as he thought carefully. “I have a headache.”

Jay lifted Xan’s hand and planted a kiss to it. “I know little one, the doctor will be here shortly to see you.”

Dr Singh arrived a short while later, just as Jay had said and performed his checks on Xan, now that he was conscious. Happy with the results, he asked Xan what he remembered then rushed off to the computer and came back again.

“We have the results of your CT and Xray. The good news is there is no bleed on the brain, but you do have a concussion. You also have er… 2 cracked ribs, but you have been very fortunate young man. We will have to stitch that forehead, but otherwise it looks good. So you will need to be monitored for 48 hours, no exercise for a few weeks and get plenty of rest. You can take paracetamol or ibuprofen when needed.” Dr Singh explained to Xan. “Hopefully we can get you out of here in a little while, okay?” He smiled, then turned to Jay. “Dr Thompson could I get a private word?”

Xan looked on as Jay gave him a wink and a smile, before leaving with the doctor. The older nurse came in to check on Xan and get the items ready to stitch his head.

“Okay young man, I’m going to clean your wound and then stitch it closed, unfortunately it will sting a little.”

When Jay returned, the nurse was already stitching Xan’s head. The younger man didn’t seem to be phased by the procedure, smiling at Jay as he approached. Time passed slowly as they waited for Xan’s discharge papers. Jay was thinking how had to get his SUV but he didn’t want to leave Xan. Not again. He decided they would take a taxi to the SUV and then drive home from there.

“All finished.” The nurse announced. As she was cleaning up she looked at Xan. “You are very lucky young man. I hope you heal quickly.” And with that she left.

Jay sat by Xan and stroked his cheek. “Xan, I’m so glad you are alright. When I saw you laying on that stretcher I have never felt so scared before.”

Xan looked at him with those innocent eyes.

“Jay!” A voice called. “What on earth happened?”

Jay turned to see Tina looking at them with a worried expression. “Tina.” Jay reached out his arm to her. “It’s good to see you.”

Jay explained what had landed them in the emergency room. Tina turned to Xan and gently rubbed his arm, giving him a smile.

“How did you know we were here?”

“Cassie text me. Oh I’ve got a little good news. I pulled some strings and got your shifts covered for the next two days.” Tina said rubbing Jay’s shoulder.

“Oh Tina.” Jay stood and grabbed Tina in a hug. “Thankyou, I owe you big time.”

“Don’t worry about it. Just take care of this one.” She said with a smile.

After Tina left and while they waited to be discharged, Jay pulled the curtain closed and set about changing Xan. He carefully and lovingly changed Xan’s diaper, wiping him clean and taping him into a fresh diaper from the hospitals supply.

An hour later Xan was allowed to leave, his papers were signed and he was free to go. Jay wrapped him in his hooded jacket and wheeled him out to the taxi rank. As they waited, Xan looked up from his chair at Jay above him.

“Daddy?”

“Yes sweetie?”

“I… I’m sorry.” His voice croaked.

Jay knelt down infront of him and rubbed his knees. “Xan, you have nothing to be sorry for. Nothing, okay? It was just a crazy accident, no-one’s fault.” He leaned forward and gently kissed Xan’s lips. “Now, Daddy is going to take you home and not let you go all night.”

When they got into the cab Jay’s phone rang, it was Jenny.

“Hi Jay, is everything alright? I’ve been trying to ring Xan but he isn’t picking up.”

“Jen. Well, I don’t know where to start… er, Xan was in an accident. We are on the way home from A&E, he’s pretty banged up…” Jay explained in a soft tone.

Xan wasn’t really paying attention to what Jay was saying, he was leaning against Jay’s side, holding tightly onto his arm and feeling a little sorry for himself. His head, chest and almost every part of him ached. The taxi came to a halt right behind Jay’s SUV. Jay paid the driver and slowly helped Xan out of back. Then lifted him up into the passenger seat of his SUV.

“Jay wait.” Xan said suddenly. “Your present. I er.. I left it in the shop.”

“Sweetie, don’t worry about it now. We can sort it all out another time.” Jay said gently rubbing Xan’s knee.

“But it’s just that shop there, can you check? It…it was expensive. A…and I wanted to give it to you.” Xan said determined to get Jay his present.

“Alright.” Jay relented. “I’ll check sweetie. Sit tight, I’ll be right back.”

All Jay wanted was to take Xan back to the comfort of their home, to keep him safe and cuddled up. He kept his eyes on Xan as he made his way into the shop, giving him a little wave and smile as he went inside.

Xan leant back against the comfort of the soft seat, resting his aching body, as he watched Jay out of the window. The throbbing in his head was still evident and his cracked ribs made breathing in deeply difficult. But a small spark of happiness in the grey cloud that shadowed the day, came walking towards him. Jay came out of the shop with a large box covering in wrapping paper in his arms. He safely deposited it into the backseat.

“Here sweetie, you were right.” Jay smiled at his injured soldier. He climbed into the drivers seat and belted himself in. “The store manager kept it behind the till for you, he tried to ring you but couldn’t get through.”

“He couldn’t?” Xan asked a little surprise.

“Neither could Jenny sweetie.”

“Where is my phone?” Xan asked a little worried.

“It’s in the bag in the back sweetie, but its pretty smashed.” Jay knew Xan would be feeling disheartened. “But don’t worry, we will get you a new one. Let’s get you home first.”

Jay drove with extra care on the way home, making the ride as smooth as he possibly could for Xan. His passenger was very subdued on the car journey, sitting quietly and very still. The shock of the accident was finally hitting him and he wasn’t sure quite how to react. Jay of course noticed and knew just what was happening and it hurt him that he couldn’t grab Xan and hold him in his arms. They parked in the driveway and Xan sat stoically in his seat, a little lost in a daydream. Then before he knew it Jay was stood next to him.

“Come baby boy, let’s get you inside.” Jay said softly, holding his hand out to Xan.

He slowly helped the battered and bruised boy inside. Xan was very quiet as Jay helped him off with his shoes and ushered him to the sofa.

“Sit here sweetie, I’ll get you a change and bring it downstairs.” Jay kissed the top of Xan’s head very cautiously and handed him Bear.

Jay sprinted upstairs, taking two steps at a time. In a whirlwind he ran into the playroom grabbing the change bag and a couple of stuffed friends, then lastly a fresh tshirt. He was back downstairs in a flash and found Xan still sat in the same spot, cuddling Bear and sucking his thumb.

“Hi.” He said quietly. Flashing a brief smile from one corner of his mouth.

“Hi sweetie, let’s get you changed yeah?”

Xan nodded and slowly laid back on the sofa, clutching Bear close to him and rubbing his fingertips against his soft fur. Jay undressed his bruised boy delicately and changed him out of his hospital diaper and into a thicker comfy little paws diaper. He pulled some comfy socks onto Xan’s feet and helped him sit back up. Then slowly he changed Xan’s tshirt, taking great care around his head. He handed some paracetamol and water to his little one. A quick gulp of water and Xan smiled at Jay as he knelt infront of him. Reaching out his hand he stroked Xan’s cheek.

“Come cuddle with me baby, I need to hold you.”

Jay sat back onto the sofa, patting his lap and flashing that sweet smile that made Xan melt inside. The younger man crawled into Jay’s lap, giving Jay what he had been longing for since seeing him on the stretcher. Jay wrapped his strong arms around Xan, as their chests came together he could feel Xan’s heart beating. Pressing a soft kiss to Xan’s lips, he finally felt a wave of relief come over him. After the scary events of the day, Jay couldn’t help but think how much worse it could have been. Without realizing, a tear dripped down his cheek.

Xan saw the tear and started to worry. “Daddy? What’s wrong?”

Jay sniffed and wiped the wetness from his eye. “I’m okay sweetie, I was just... scared of losing you.” He pressed a light kiss to Xan’s lips. “But don’t worry little one, I am going to protect you and keep you safe. I won’t let anything hurt you again.”

Jay held Xan close, being careful not to squeeze him tight, feeling a little fearful that he would hurt him.

Jay took a deep breath and pushed his sadness away. “Let’s get you some food sweetie. Then I think it’s bathtime.”

He carried Xan to the kitchen with him, which was a little unusual but Jay was feeling understandably clingy. Letting Xan stand by himself, Jay kept his hand wrapped around him, as he prepared them some food. It would be a quick thrown together dinner of sorts. Jay toasted some pitta bread, got them some salad and cold meat cuts, with an array of different sauces. Jay moved Xan’s chair closer to his, until they were basically touching.

“Here sweetie, try and eat something for me.” Jay encouraged him, rubbing his back gently.

Xan was still quiet after his ordeal, he was feeling a little bewildered by all that happened. Nevertheless he slowly took a piece of cut up pitta and slid some ham and salad inside. Jay watched over him throughout dinner, but even though Xan was eating Jay didn’t feel the usual happiness. Instead he felt scared, fearful that he would get hurt again. Scared that he would bruise if he held him too tightly, like an overripe fruit. He was lost in thought while Xan finished his food, the little one then turned and snuggled against Jay’s side. He gently wrapped his arm around the cuddly boy holding him close.

“Good boy.” Jay kissed the top of his head. “Let’s get you bathed hm?”

Jay stuffed the leftovers into the fridge to deal with later and scooped Xan up out of his chair. He paused and just held him close. Giving them both a moment to stop and centre themselves, before setting off to the bathroom. Things went a little differently than the usual routine, Jay held Xan as he turned on the water, letting it flow and fill the bath. He let Xan stand briefly while he undressed, when he was down to just his diaper, Jay sat and pulled him into his lap, snuggling him as the bathtub filled with sweet smelling warm water. With his arm supporting him, Jay leaned forward to turn the water off. Xan pulled off his diaper and dropped it to the floor, letting Jay lift him into the bath. He sat him down in the silky warm water, letting it flow around him. Xan leaned forward attempting to reach the sponge, but felt a sharp pain twinge in his chest making him wince.

“Careful baby.” Jay sat him back upright and kissed him. “Let Daddy take care of you today.” He said flashing a smile.

Jay took ahold of the sponge and soaked it in the bath water. Feeling cautious, he gently ran the sponge up each of Xan’s legs, coating his light skin in foamy bubbles. As Jay ran the rainbow sponge over Xan’s body, he could see the bruises already starting to form on his skin. Blotches of deep red mixed with purple and yellow forming in faint patches up Xan’s back and on his thighs. As his eyes scanned over the discoloured bruises, Jay could felt a lump in his throat. He swallowed hard and tried to shake off the sadness he felt. The comforting silky water felt good to Xan, his eyes closed and a smile spread across his face.

Jay cleared his throat. “I’m just going to wash your face now sweetie okay?”

Xan nodded and pinched his eyes closed tighter than before, so he wouldn’t get soap in his eyes. Jay chuckled at his scrunched up face as he wiped across his mouth. Ever so gently he dripped the water onto Xan’s forehead, when Xan didn’t react he moved forward and gently wiped his whole face clean.

“I’m going to need to clean around your stitches little one.”

Xan opened his eyes and looked at Jay, in his bright glistening orbs Jay could see the trepidation. He filled a jug with water and got Xan to gently lean his head back.

“Let me know if you need me to stop at any point okay sweetie?”

Jay gently poured the jug of water, letting it slowly cascade over Xan’s head and hair. The little one winced as the warm water flowed over his fresh wound. Even though it was still very tender and Xan could feel it twinge with pain, he didn’t stop Jay because he knew it had to be cleaned. Jay very carefully finished washing Xan, then pulled the plug out. Xan sat silently watching the water swirl and disappear down the drain.

“Come baby, let’s get you nice and dry.” Jay’s voice called from above him.

He held his arms up and Jay lifted up and out, standing on the fluffy bath mat. A soft white towel was draped over his head, enveloping him in a warm soft shroud. Grabbing a second towel Jay make quick work of drying Xan’s lower half and carefully moved up, rubbing his chest and stomach with the soft white towel. Jay peeked under the towel covering Xan’s head, looking his little one in the face and give him a warm smile. He took the towel and wrapped it around Xan’s waist, then ushered him into the bedroom. Deciding it would be best to dry Xan’s hair with the hair dryer rather than try to use the towel. He sat himself on the end of the bed and pulled Xan onto his lap, letting out a chuckle as the little ones wet hair flicked against his face. Xan was still silent as he let Jay dry his hair for him. Jay could feel the aura around him and knew that his little one’s dam would soon burst. He dried his hair and took him into the playroom to get him ready for bed. A comfy thick Peekabu diaper and a colourful animal print onesie were his nighttime attire, which Jay swiftly helped him into. He lifted Xan up and carried him back to the bedroom, setting him in the middle of the bed with Bear and Kimchi, while he got himself changed.

As Jay turned around, Xan looked up at up him with wide eyes. They glistened in the light and in a split second they filled with tears, spilling over and flowing down Xan’s cheeks. Jay jumped into action, leaping on the bed and pulling Xan tight to his chest.

“It’s okay baby, let it all out. Daddy’s got you now.” He whispered as Xan wailed.

Stroking Xan’s hair, Jay could feel a twinge deep in his heart as he listened to the pain in Xan’s cries. Xan needed to let out all the shock, all the confusion and the worry that he had held in, now he was safe in Jay’s comforting arms. It had been an incredibly trying day for them both. But after some time to heal they would come out of the experience stronger together.

It took Xan quite a while, before he was calm enough to lay down with Jay. As they snuggled together, the younger man finally drifted off into a much needed sleep. With a thumb hanging loosely from his lips and droplets of tears now dried to his cheeks, he was peaceful. He had been very lucky to escape with only minor injuries and Jay more than anyone knew it. Sleep eluded him as he gazed down at his sleeping boy, a rush of thoughts just wouldn’t let Jay switch off. Minutes turned into hours, before Jay was finally able to relax, a half smile crept onto his face as he found himself once again looking down at the sleeping Xan. Not wanting to disturb him too much, Jay gently stroked Xan’s cheek with his thumb, before finally closing his eyes and laying his weary head on his pillows.

  



	10. The Accident Part 2: On The Road To Recovery

The sun bled through a small gap in the curtains, shining a bright line across the bed. It had been an unsettled night for Jay, his worries turned to nightmares that jolting him awake periodically. He dragged himself out of bed, deciding to let Xan rest a little while longer, the poor guy needed all the rest he could get. In the kitchen he began brewing a much needed cup of strong coffee, the events of the previous day still playing on his mind. He stood vacantly staring into space as he drank his coffee, waiting for the caffeine to kick in and shift his overtired brain into a working gear. Fifteen minutes later, he blinked the sleep from his eyes and washed his empty cup up. Letting out a great yawn, he stretched and went to get Xan. To his surprise Xan was awake when he reached the bedroom, still laying in the bed his eyes looked over to Jay and he flashed him a sleepy smile.

“Hey sweetie. How are you feeling?” Jay asked brushing the hair out of Xan’s face.

“Really achy.” Xan’s voice croaked.

“Aw baby I bet you are.” Jay could see he was hurting when the younger man tried to sit up. “Let me help sweetie.”

Jay helped Xan to sit upright and handed him some ibuprofen and a glass of water to wash them down, which he swiftly swallowed, handing the glass back to Jay.

“Good boy.” Jay smiled and gently rubbed his shoulder.

Just as Jay set the empty glass down on the bedside table, Xan tried to stand himself up. But feeling stiff was an understatement, as he tried to pull himself up waves of pain rippled through his arms, legs and chest causing Xan to let out a loud groan.

“Okay sweetie, let me help you.” Jay said lifting Xan into his arms. “Looks like you are going to feel very sore today little one. I think we should set you up in a comfy little nest on the sofa and keep you nice and still okay?”

“Mmm but I still have painting to do and...”

Jay cut him off. “Not today Xan, you need to rest.”

Jay was taking charge, he knew Xan had work and things he wanted to do, but they would have to wait until he was healed. Today Jay would be fully in charge. Firstly he carried him to the playroom for a diaper change, which turned out to be the right decision as his overnight diaper was almost leaking.

“Oh, a very soggy boy this morning.” Jay said in a quiet voice.

But Xan still heard, his cheeks flushing a crimson red. Jay continued with the change, discarding the diaper and cleaning Xan thoroughly. A thin coating of cream, a poof of powder and Xan was taped into a fresh crinkly white diaper. Keeping Xan as still as he could, he peeled off Xan’s onesie and pulled a cosy tshirt over his head.

Jay sighed a little as he lifted Xan into his arms. “Oh, let’s go sweetie. Daddy needs another coffee.”

Jay sat Xan on the sofa, in the comfy corner where they usually snuggled. Bear, Kimchi, Plodd and Stitch were set strategically around him, so he could reach them all without stretching. Jay’s rule for the day was Xan had to stay in his spot on the sofa and if he needed anything he was to call for Jay. Xan sat sipping his juice as Jay was putting a DVD into the machine for him. Relaxing back on the sofa he sat close to Xan, with his finger on the control about to press play, when his phone rang.

“Hello?” He answered quickly, without checking to see who was calling. “Oh hey Jen. Thanks for calling, I’m alright. Xan will be okay, he just needs a while to heal up.” Jay then turned to Xan, stroked his knee and gave him a smile. “Huh? Oh sure, if you like… Whenever you like… We’ll be in all day, so that’s fine… Okay great, see you later. Bye, Bye Daisy!” He called a little louder for Daisy to hear.

“Are they coming here?” Xan asked with a happy expression.

“Yeah sweetie, they’ll come by a little later, they want to see how you’re doing.” Jay smiled and leaned over, planting a soft kiss to his forehead. “Now how about we watch James Bond hm?”

Xan nodded and with a press of the button, the sounds of Live and Let Die began to fill the house. As James Bond made his way around San Monique, Jay gazed over at Xan. Seeing him happily transfixed on the movie and snuggling Bear, a sense of calm came over him. The next thing he knew, Xan was gently nudging his thigh. Jay opened his eyes and looked around with a sense of confusion.

“Hm? Oh sorry sweetie, I er… must have dozed off. Are you alright?” Jay asked as he stretched and blinked his eyes.

“Mmm James Bond finished.” Xan murmured with his thumb in his mouth. “Could I have some more juice p’ease?”

“Of course sweetie, coming right up.”

Jay was always proud of how polite Xan was, every little please and thankyou reminded him of just how sweet and kind Xan was. He was smiling to himself as he poured more juice out for his little one. They were however running out at an alarming rate. Jay was determined not to leave his boys side for more than a few seconds and Xan was in no shape to be going anywhere. Grabbing his phone from his pocket he messaged Jen to see if she could save him from going out.

Jay handed Xan his juice, then went over to the DVD player. “Okay sweetie, what shall we watch next?”

“Good Dinosaur!” Xan cheered.

Jay chuckled and put in the next movie, which had become one of Xan’s recent favourites. They were only a few minutes into the movie when the door bell rang. Xan’s head flicked from the door back to Jay.

“Looks like they’re here, sit tight sweetie.” Jay grinned at Xan as he pulled himself to his feet.

Xan could hear the girls as they came in and feeling a little excited he tried to stretch forward to get a look at them. In doing so however a sharp pain shot through his chest stealing his breath from him and making him let out a shrill whine. He pinched his eyes closed, his face grimacing with the pain as he leant back, into his comfy spot. Jay’s ears pricked up, faintly hearing Xan’s pained noise and he rushed back over to him.

“Are you alright?!” Jay asked a little panicked.

Xan nodded and smiled through the pain in his chest. Reaching over the sofa, Jay gently stroked Xan’s left cheek. His right cheek was sporting a rather sore looking scrape, that continued down his face to his chin.

“Oh munchkin, you poor thing.” Jenny spoke softly as she got her first look at Xan’s injuries. “How are you doing?”

“Mmm okay.” He replied in a breathy voice.

Daisy had now joined them after getting briefly distracted by the movie playing on the tv screen. “Hey Xan. Ow, that looks really painful!” She said, being as unfiltered as ever.

Xan chuckled, it was one of the traits he liked best with Daisy, she always said what was on her mind and what everyone was thinking, but didn’t want to say.

“I brought you that juice.” Jenny said holding the plastic bag up to Jay.

“Oh thanks, we’re running really low.” Jay then whispered to Jenny. “I really didn’t want to leave him on his own.”

Jenny took him into the kitchen to make drinks and chat, but mostly to ask how he was dealing with the whole incident. She sat down across the table from Jay while he explained what had happened and what Xan would need. She could tell he was rambling a little and only talking about Xan. Jenny listened for a few minutes before cutting him off.

“Jay… how are _you_ dealing with it?” She asked holding his hand in hers.

“I.. er…” Jay started his voice cracking slightly. He looked back at the doorway, listening to the two littles talk. With tears in his eyes he turned back to Jenny. “It was horrible. I *clears throat* have never been so… scared.” He looked up at Jenny who was listening intently and gently patting his hand. “For a brief moment I really thought… I’d… lost him.” Jay finally broke down, crying quietly.

Jenny jumped up from her seat and hugged her friend tightly. “Hey, come now. He’s still here. Xan’s a strong boy, he will be good as new in no time.” Jenny rubbed Jay’s back as she hugged him. “I know what you are thinking. But there was no way you could have protected him form this.” She told him, looking into his eyes.

Jay smirked. “I don’t have to say anything, do I? ” Jenny knew him better than almost anyone.  “Thankyou. I think I needed to let it out, you know?”

“Of course, I knew you’re trying to be strong for him. But don’t forget, you can always ring me or I can come over.” Jenny’s words reassured Jay, as they always managed to do.

The two friends sat holding hands, Jay feeling much more relaxed and relieved after getting his worries aired out. 

In the living room Xan was sticking to Jay’s rule of staying still in his spot on the sofa, even though he wanted to get up and play with his toys with Daisy. Daisy was being much more restrained than her usual bubbly, energetic self. Showing Xan her kind and caring side, she had a little present for him.

She sat calmly next to him on the sofa. “I’m sorry you got hurt Xan. I’m sure you will get better in no time. Then you can come over for a playdate, like we planned.”

Xan’s eyes sparkled and he grinned from ear to ear. “I can’t wait, it’ll be so much fun.” 

“We got you something to help you feel better too.” Daisy said remembering the present in her bag. She handed Xan the card that her and Jenny had made and the little wrapped present. 

“For me?” Xan looked at them with wide eyes. He opened the card to homemade card that Daisy had made. On the front she had drawn a cat with a bandaged paw and some coloured balloons and inside they had both written a sweet message and signed their names with a kiss underneath. Reading through it made Xan feel so loved and brought a tear to his eye. “Thankyou so much Daisy.” 

Daisy smiled, she was so happy Xan liked her card. She handed Xan the little wrapped package, which he took delicately and began eagerly tearing the paper off. Inside was a selection of little books about animals, Paw Patrol and Spot the Dog.

“Wow!” Xan exclaimed. But his forceful excitement sent a pain shooting through his chest, reminding him of his predicament. 

Daisy patted Xan’s knee, seeing Xan in pain brought the reality of his situation back to the forefront. And while she couldn’t take the pain away, she in her own way had an idea of how to help. Turning to her bag she pulled out her little stuffed frog, that went almost everywhere with her. “This is Freddy and I would like him to take care of you until you feel better. Then when you come over for a playdate you can bring him back.” She then put Freddy in Xan’s hand and put her hand on top.

Xan didn’t know what to say, he was very touched by his friends kindness and held his new froggy friend up to his cheek. “Are you sure? Won’t you miss him?” He asked looking at Daisy with innocent eyes.

She chuckled looking at Xan’s concerned expression. “No, because I know he’s here helping you.”

As the two were chatting, they were unaware that Jay and Jenny were stood in the kitchen doorway watching the cute scene unfold. Both gushing over their respective littles, they moved over to the sofa area. 

Jenny sat next to Daisy and looked over at Xan. “ Hi Munchkin,  are you guys alright? ” She  asked. Both Daisy and Xan nodded in unison, with Daisy smiling at her.

Jay leaned over and kissed Xan’s head. “My brave boy.”

Xan looked up at Jay and held out the card Daisy had made him.

“Aw Daisy that is very sweet, thankyou.” While Jay was thanking Daisy Xan handed him his new books. “And books too! You are spoiled.” He joked and stood the card on the table so Xan could see.

“Please can I have juice and medicine?” Xan whispered to Jay. The ache in his chest and back had started to linger. 

“Yep, coming right up.” Jay said getting to his feet. “Can I get you two anything?” He asked the girls.

They politely declined and Jay disappeared into the kitchen to get Xan his juice. The girls stayed for a little while longer, chatting a little and generally catching up, until Jenny noticed that Xan had fallen asleep. 

She covered her mouth as she chuckled. “I think that’s our cue to make a move.” She said to Jay in a quiet voice. 

The three friends silently made their way to the door, Jay hugged and thanked them both for coming. 

“Remember, call me if you need anything.” Jenny whispered to Jay.

Jay gave her a look, to let her know he understood and was grateful. 

“Daze did you give Xan Freddy to look after?” Jenny asked as they got in the car.

“Yeah! He’s going to help Xan get better and then come back home afterwards.” 

“Daisy that is such a lovely gesture! You are such a sweet girl.” Jenny exclaimed bursting with pride. She leaned over and kissed Daisy’s cheek, making the happy girl blush a deep red.

Back inside Jay stood at the end of the sofa and looked down at his injured soldier, sleeping soundly. He smiled from one corner on his mouth, feeling much happier about the situation after letting his emotions out. As he looked at Xan, he suddenly remembered the present sitting in the back seat of his SUV. He struggled with the awkward large box, finally setting it down on the kitchen table, trying to make as little noise as possible so as not to wake Xan. His interest was peaked, really wanting to rip the paper off and discover the gift inside. But deciding it would be polite to wait for Xan’s okay first. He busied himself with a few chores that needed doing while Xan rested. The younger man didn’t sleep for very long though and after half an hour he called out for Jay.

“You okay sweetie?” Jay asked coming back into view so Xan could see him.

Xan nodded, even though he had woken from his sleep a little shaken up. “Did Jenny and Daisy go?” His voice was wobbled as he struggled to get his words out.

“Yeah sweetie, they left a few minutes ago.” Jay could sense something was up, but didn’t want to press the issue. He sat next to Xan and stroked his hair. “Do you fancy listening to some music, hm? You brought those two CD’s the other day and didn’t get around to listening to them.” Jay knew listening to music always cheered Xan up.

With a smile and nod of approval, Jay put in the CD and turned it up for Xan. Air guitaring as the first chord hit, making Xan giggle. The rest of the day Jay stayed close to Xan, watching him like a hawk, making sure his diaper was changed, keeping him topped up with juice and making sure that he was feeling okay. The following day was much the same, Xan was confined to as little activity as possible and Jay rushed around after him. The real test came when Jay went back to work. From the moment his alarm went off, he didn’t want to leave. His boy was injured and all he wanted was to take care of him like he had been doing. He knelt beside the bed as Xan slept, stroking his hair. Jay would usually leave Xan a little note or something before he left for work, mostly to let him know he was thinking of him. But today the note was a little longer, a full 2 pages of A4 was waiting for Xan when he woke up. A list of do’s and don’ts, a timeline for when Xan should eat and take his medicine, all mixed in with sweet words from Jay. Standing at the bedroom door, he struggled to tear himself away as he watched Xan sleeping soundly. A few minutes later, he pressed a soft kiss to Xan’s forehead and left for the hospital.

He sat in his SUV and looked in the mirror. “The sooner we go, the sooner I can come home.” Jay said to himself as he started the engine.


	11. Playdate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan and Daisy finally get a little time to play with their toys together

“Daddy I don’t want to go out.” Xan pouted.

He was sat on the sofa while Jay was tying his shoe laces for him. His chest was still sore from his accident which made bending over difficult.

“But you don’t know where we are going yet.” Jay smiled, gently rubbing his knee.

Since the crash Xan hadn’t left the house and had no desire to. It was a scary world and he felt safe at home, so why would he leave? Unbeknownst to Xan though, Jay and Jenny had set up the playdate that both him and Daisy had wanted for months now. Their schedules always conflicted and neither had long enough to properly have a little day together. As Xan sulked, Jay couldn’t help but chuckle. He had packed the diaper bag and slipped a bottle and sippy cup inside for Xan.

“Ready to go?” He asked smiling at Xan. But Xan shook his head, still pouting. “Oh Xan. I promise you’ll like it. Grab Kimchi and Freddy Frog and we’ll go.”

Reluctantly he slipped Freddy Frog in his hoodie pocket and held Kimchi as they went out to get in Jay’s SUV. Jay buckled him in, turned the heat on to make Xan extra comfy and flicked on his favourite station for Xan to listen to. A short drive later they pulled up outside Jenny’s and Xan immediately recognised the house.

“Miss Jenny and Daisy’s?” He asked excitedly, his voice a little squeaky.

“Yep!” Jay beamed at him. “We’re going for a playdate today.”

Xan smiled, regretting his earlier sulkiness and tried rushing out of the SUV.

“Slow down sweetie. Wait for me please.”

Xan curbed his excitement and waited for Jay to come around his side. Opening the door he helped Xan out, grabbed the diaper bag and followed Xan down the path to bright red front door.

Tap tap tap tap.

Xan lightly knocked and stood waiting patiently with Kimchi held close to his chest.

“Hi guys!” Jenny brightly smiled, opening the door. “Come on in, Daisy is just getting changed. Make yourselves comfortable.”

Xan hopped inside and plonked himself down on the floor infront of the sofa, nestled between the mass of toys and books Daisy had left in her wake. Jay and Jenny got comfy on the sofa, with Jay sitting close to Xan and gently patting his head.

“Daddy? Can I have some juice?” He asked looking up at him.

“Of course.” Jay replied stroking his cheek.

He reached over and grabbed his sippy cup from the diaper bag, then slipped off to the kitchen. Jenny smiled at Xan as he sat snuggly on the floor, starting to play with some animals Daisy had discarded.

“How are you feeling Munchkin?” She asked leaned forward with a bright happy expression.

“Mmm okay.” He replied holding the Lion out for her to take. “Chest hurts when I bend.”

“Thankyou.” She said accepting his gift. “I bet. You’re looking a lot better than last time we saw you though. I’m sure it will go away soon.” Jenny said reassuring him.

A thunderous rumble came down the stairs towards them “HIII!” Daisy squeaked, happy her friends had arrived already.

“Hi Daisy!” Xan replied happily.

“Hey Jay!” She said as Jay came back into the room.

“Hi Daisy. Love the dress.”

“Thanks! It’s new.” Daisy dropped down in the pile of toys infront of Xan. “Want to build Lego’s?”

Xan nodded with a bright smile. Jay handed Xan his sippy cup, with Xan thanking him amd drinking a little.

“No fair! I want juice too!” Daisy grumbled.

“Well if you ask nicely, I could get you some.” Jenny hinted.

“Mummy Pleeease can I have juice like Xan? And in my princess cup too?”

“Since you asked so nicely. Jay do you want something to drink?” Jenny joked with Daisy.

“Sure, I’ll come help you.” Jay replied, getting up and following her to the kitchen.

“Mummy? Can we maybe have snacks too?” Daisy called loudly to Jenny in the kitchen.

“If you’re good.” Jenny chuckled and called back.

Daisy swiped her arm across the floor, sweeping the toys and books into a pile by the window and clearing a space where they could play with her Lego. Xan then remembered the small fuzzy frog in his pocket. Setting Kimchi down in his lap, he pulled out the little green plush and handed him over to Daisy.

“Freddy!” She exclaimed.

“Thankyou for lending him to me. He made me feel better.” Xan smiled innocently at her.

“I’m glad you’re on the mend Xan.”

“Me too.” Xan replied peering in the big box of Lego’s.

Daisy took ahold of the box and tipped it on its side spilling the mass of bricks, wheels and trees all over the space she had just made. Xan burst out into a fit of giggles, seeing the multi coloured plastic shapes fall out of the large green box. Jay and Jenny peeked out of the kitchen, checking on their giggling littles. Taking their drinks and the plateful of snacks they prepared, they went back to the sofa area. Daisy guzzled her sippy cup full of juice, before setting it down on the floor next to her.

With the rustling of plastic bricks, the two friends set about making their masterpieces. Daisy was making a house for her unicorn, with a special playground for a garden and Xan was making her a car to carry her unicorn around and a rocket ship for her to fly on. Xan was almost finished with his yellow car, when Jay leaned over and stuck his finger in the waistband of his diaper.

“Stand up sweetie, let me check you.”

Xan stood up infront of Jay letting him check his diaper, knowing that he was definitely due a change. A little pat on his shoulder and Jay reached over for the diaper bag.

“Back in a flash.” Jay said to Jenny.

“Alright, Daisy did you leave the change mat out like I asked?” Jenny spun her head around to look at Daisy.

“Uhh maybe I kind of forgot.” She replied looking down at the floor.

“That’s okay I remember where it is.” Jay smiled, lifting Xan into his arms and carrying him upstairs. “Are you doing okay sweetie?”

“Mhmm.” Xan replied cuddling Jay.

Turning into the bedroom, Jay pulled out the change mat from behind the door and laid Xan down on the pink and purple plastic. He gently undid Xan’s trousers and slid them off, setting them aside. Xan was definitely due a change, if Jay hadn’t of checked when he did, there could have been an immanent leak. He quickly disposed of Xan’s full diaper and wiped his boy clean. Unfolding a new Little Paws, he slid it under Xan, powdered his rear and pulled up the front, taping it in place. He helped him back on with his trousers and held him close to him.

“All dry baby boy.” Jay smiled, leaning down and kissing his lips. “Are you having fun?”

Xan nodded and leaned up to kiss Jay again. Another couple of kisses and they rejoined the girls downstairs. Jenny had got Daisy to help her tidy away some of the toys to make more room for the two of them to play. When Jay put Xan down, he went straight back to making his car and rocket ship.

“Would you two like some snacks now?” Jenny asked setting the plate down by them.

“Yeah!” Daisy cheered, diving right in.

They had prepared some crisps, fruit, small sausages and sliced up carrot and cucumber. Xan looked up at Jay for reassurance.

“Eat a little sweetie.”

With Jay’s encouragement, Xan nibbled on a little fruit and some carrot. Daisy on the other hand, quickly ate two of everything on offer, before going back for more.

“Slow down Daze, leave some for everyone else.”

“But I’m hungryyyy.”She whined.

Jenny chuckled and handed her a pack of biscuits she kept on hand for when Daisy wanted them. Daisy’s eyes sparkled and she took the package of biscuits.

“Aaah I love you so muuuuch!”

“Are you talking to me or the biscuits?” Jenny laughed.

Daisy stuck her tongue out, then chuckled. Xan ate a little more and turned back to Jay.

“It’s okay sweetie, you don’t need to eat anymore.” Jay said feeling a little defeated.

He handed Xan his paci and tucked into a little food himself. With their masterpieces completed, Daisy moved on to the next thing. Deciding that she want to colour she lay on her stomach kicking her legs in the air as she flicked through her colouring book. Xan watched on eagerly as Daisy set about getting her colouring ready and wanted to copy her. He grabbed his paper, laying out on floor next to Daisy’s book and tried to lay on his front like her. A stinging pain in his chest made him squeak and sit back up.

“Careful sweetie!” Jay called out, rubbing his back.

Jenny had an idea though, they kept a large pillow by the side of the sofa that Daisy would use to nap. She stood and laid it down where Xan wanted to lay.

“Try this Munchkin.” She smiled, gently patting his head.

Xan gingerly laid back down on his front, ontop of the soft spongy pillow and to his delight found it stopped the pain he felt before. Looking over at Daisy, he saw her swinging her legs and started to swing his own. Daisy happily coloured in her book, with Xan next to her. He started to draw Daisy a thankyou picture of her, Jenny, himself feeling better and Freddy the Frog with shining rays coming from behind him. In no time at all he was ready to colour it in, sharing Daisy’s pens. Daisy finished two pictures, one of a horse race and the other of a bakery, showing them both off to Jenny while Xan finished his picture.

Daisy was busy dancing around to the music coming from the TV when Xan finished his picture. He pushed himself up onto his bum with a crinkling sound from his diaper and looked up at Daisy, waiting for her to look his way. Jenny saw the little one waiting patiently and took it upon herself to clue Daisy in.

“Daze?” She said nudging her.

Daisy looked at her with wide eyes and was then directed to Xan. Standing above the boy as he smiled up at her behind his paci and held out a piece of paper.

“Hm? For me?” Daisy asked, gently taking the paper. With Xan’s enthusiastic nod, she took the big piece of paper and turned it over. “Wow Xan!”

Daisy was awestruck as she took in his drawing. It was easy to forget Xan’s profession when they were happily played together. He had made a very well drawn picture of Freddy as a sort of super hero, in the sky above himself and Jenny holding onto Daisy as they both smiled. Then across the top was a big thankyou. Strangely Daisy was speechless as she dropped onto the sofa next to Jenny. Jenny stared, amazed at the picture Xan had gifted to Daisy.

“That is so sweet! Munchkin you are so talented!” Jenny complimented him.

Xan, feeling a little shy, stood himself up and climbed into Jay’s lap hiding his face in Jay’s chest. He chuckled and rubbed Xan’s back to help him relax.

“Aw he’s all embarrassed that’s so cute!” Jenny gushed.

Daisy slipped off the sofa to stand Xan’s gift up ontop of the mantle piece, using a little china dog to help it stay stood up. Standing back she smiled at her drawing, then was quickly distracted by a toy advert on TV. She plopped down on the floor and flicked through the channels to find something to watch. Settling on NickJR she leaned back against the sofa and slipped her thumb into her mouth. Jenny and Jay chatted while the two littles sat watching cartoons and giggling together. Soon Jenny noticed how subdued Daisy had become. It became clear to Jay and Jenny that their playdate was at an end. Jay hadn’t realized until now that Xan too was getting tired.

“I think it’s time we make a move sweetie.” He said rubbing Xan’s back.

Xan whined and rubbed his sleepy eyes. Sitting himself up he stretched and cuddled back into his warm spot on Jay.

“Awwwwe do you have to?” Daisy sulked.

“I think someone could do with a nap.” Jenny stroked Daisy’s head.

With a little pout, she looked over to Jay and reluctantly said goodbye to her friends. Jay stood and chuckled as Xan was still clinging tightly to him. With one hand supporting him under his bum, he hugged Jenny with his free arm.

“Bye munchkin, I hope you keep getting better.” She said in a soft voice as she patted Xan’s head.

Xan turned his head and said bye to Jenny and Daisy, with his paci in his mouth, he spoke with a lisp. Jay picked up the diaper bag slinging it over his shoulder and grabbed Kimchi, then headed out to the car with Xan in his arms. Safely depositing Xan in the passenger seat he handed him Kimchi to cuddle and put the diaper bag down by his feet.

“Was that nice sweetie?” He asked as he sat in the drivers seat.

Xan nodded. “Can ‘e go again?”

“I’m sure we can set up another day.” Jay smiled, he was happy Xan had fun and even happier he wanted to do it all again.

Xan was bounced Kimchi along the door as they pulled up at home. Cheering when Jay switched the engine off in the driveway. They hurried inside and Xan sat on the edge of the sofa swinging his legs, waiting for Jay to take his shoes off for him.

“Daddy I’m sleepy.”

“I know sweetie, Daisy was too. That’s why we came home.” Jay said stroking Xan’s cheek.

Quickly slipping off Xan’s shoes, he ushered him up the stairs to the bedroom. He helped him off with his trousers and tshirt, before checking his diaper. It was only a little wet so it would last until after his nap. Jay stoked Xan’s shoulders, helping him to relax, as the little one wrapped his arms tightly around him.

“Let’s get you a tshirt and into bed baby boy.” Jay said stroking Xan’s hair.

Xan kissed him deeply and looked into his eyes. “Thankyou for my day out, I had a lot of fun.”


	12. Healing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jay finds his little one regressing to help him recover and gets Jenny to babysit for him while he goes to work  
> Fluff

X: Can you get apple juice and cookies and satsumas on your way home?

J: Of course sweetie, I’ll be a little late tonight I think, there’s lots of paperwork to catch up on

X: That’s okay, see you later xxxxxx

Jay was sat at his very messy desk with three stacks of patient files piled up around him, covering the entirety of the desk top. Grinning at his phone screen, he replied to Xan’s request for groceries. He had noticed recently, that Xan had been staying inside more and more. Aside from his appointments on Fridays and the few times he had been out with Jay, Xan hadn’t left the house and despite Xan insisting he was fine after the accident, it was becoming clear that that just wasn’t true.

On his way home Jay had thought of a plan to ease Xan into conquering his fear of going out, although it was almost half past 7 by the time Jay got home. Xan didn’t mind Jay getting home a little late, in fact he was waiting just inside the door as he heard him pull into the driveway.

“Hiii.” Xan called, wrapping his arms tightly around Jay as soon as he came through the door.

“Oh! Hi sweetie.” Jay smiled, delighted with his surprise cuddle. “What a wonderful welcome home” He said kissing the top of Xan’s head. “Did you have a good day?”

“Mhmm I’ll show you my painting later. Dinner is ready for youuu.” Xan told him, singing the last word.

The smell of Xan’s Mexican dish suddenly hit Jay’s nose, making him salivate at the mere thought. Jay kicked off his shoes and hung up his coat, before quickly heading to the table, his busy day meant he was hungrier than usual. Xan happily dished up his effort onto two plates and set them on the table.

“This looks amazing sweetie, you are such a good little cook.” Jay praised, staring at his food with huge hungry eyes.

In no time at all Jay demolished his portion and leaned back in his chair feeling completely satisfied. Xan giggled as Jay let out a content sigh. A little while later after Xan had eaten a good amount of his portion, even though it was considerably smaller than Jay’s, he put his fork down declaring he was full.

Jay smiled and rubbed his hand. “That’s good sweetie, well done.”

Giving Xan a little wink, Jay cleared the table, putting the plates into the sink and turned back to Xan. “How about we go for a little run in a while?”

“Uh… maybe.”

Jay could sense Xan’s apprehension, but pushed forward. He wanted Xan to feel able to go out again and get back to normal. In the three weeks since the accident, Xan had slowly got back to doing everything he did before with this one exception.

Jay gave Xan one of his sweetest looks and held his hands. “Will you come for a run with me?”

Xan quickly caved and agreed to go with him. He really did want to exercise, it had been so long since he was able to go for a run. Luckily for Xan it didn’t take very long for him to overcome his anxieties and start to feel excited about the prospect of going to the park. They went up to the bedroom to get ready, Xan changed in a flash into his running shorts and tight tshirt. Tying his hair up into a ponytail he turned to Jay, practically bouncing on the spot. Jay chuckled and pulled his shirt over his head.

“Alright, go put your shoes on sweetie and I’ll be there in a moment.” Jay said kissing his forehead.

A few short minutes later and Xan stepped out of the front door, waiting impatiently while Jay locked it behind them. The walk to the park wasn’t too far but Xan clung tightly to Jay the whole way, still feeling a little fearful of the road. When the entrance of the park came into view though, Xan happily went on ahead. Standing on the track that ran around the edge, he was stretching as Jay caught up with him.

“Ready to go?” Jay smirked.

“Mhmm!” Xan beamed.

Like a cheeter spotting it’s prey, Xan was off, his legs pumping hard as he flew around the track. It was his first proper run in almost a month and he was loving every second, grinning from ear to ear as the wind blew past him. His heart pumped hard in his chest as he sucked in lungfuls of fresh cool air. Jay meanwhile had no hopes of catching up to Xan as the young man sprinted around the park at an incredible rate. He was happy to go at his own pace and let Xan catch up to him. Jay watched Xan’s ponytail bounce behind him, as he often did when Xan was running and smiled to himself. Even though Xan was now far ahead, Jay could see the joy radiating from him. His plan had worked.

Xan passed Jay a couple of times, earning a tickle each time he did, before giggling and sprinting on ahead. After Jay completed 3 laps, he sat on the bench and rested, watching Xan run. Each time he looked over to him, he waved or blew a kiss, making Xan chuckle. After Xan finished his 9th lap he stopped by Jay, gasping for air.

“That was a long run!” Jay smiled, rubbing his back. “Come sit for a few minutes, then we’ll head home.”

Xan dropped onto the bench next to him and Jay put his arm around holding Xan to him. He could feel Xan’s heart pumping hard in his chest. The younger man had pushed himself quite hard after having missed out on proper exercise for so long. It took a full 10 minutes of rest before Xan’s heart rate had slowed enough for Jay’s liking.

“Alright speedy, let’s head home.” Jay said, placing another kiss on his little ones forehead.

“Thankyou.” Xan said looking into Jay’s eyes. “It was really nice to get running again.”

“I could tell.” Jay chuckled.

They headed out of the park hand in hand and started walking slowly back home. Xan had run for so long that by the time he had finished it was starting to get dark. But Jay didn’t mind, he was happy that Xan was enjoying himself and that he was outside getting some fresh air. It was quiet on their way home, until they were no more than 5 minutes from home. All of a sudden a car with a loud engine roared past them, making Xan leap away from the road, sending him crashing to the ground. His heart thumped hard as the pain of the crash came rushing back. His eyes overflowed as tears streamed down his face.

Jay jumped straight into action, reaching for Xan and lifting him into his arms. “Xan! It’s okay! I’ve got you! Daddy’s got you.”

Not caring who was around Jay rushed home carrying Xan in his arms as the young man wailed out in pain. The shock had made Xan’s uncooperative bladder soak straight through his daytime diaper and leak down his legs. Jay, unphased by his accident, holding Xan close to him as he fumbled with his keys trying desperately to open their front door. Flinging the door closed behind him, he took the crying boy straight upstairs to the bathroom. Sitting on the floor he rocked with Xan in his lap, whispering sweet calming words in his ear. He held tightly to Jay’s shirt as he sobbed. Xan was very shaken up and it was taking him a long time to settle down.

“It’s okay baby, let’s get you cleaned up hm? Do you want to shower with Daddy?” Jay peppered Xan with kisses and held him tightly.

Jay stood the sniffly boy up and stripped him of his damp and sweaty clothes, tossing them in the washing hamper. Xan slipped his thumb in his mouth as he stood quietly sobbing, with his other hand he held onto Jay, wanting to keep him close. Jay stripped himself as quickly as he could and turned on the shower. He wanted to get Xan comfy and clean, to help him settle and so they could snuggle in the cuddle chair. He tenderly washed the little one with his strawberry scented body wash and shampoo, spending time carefully washing his long hair and sensitive areas.

“All clean little one.”

Xan just looked up at Jay with his thumb still nestled in his mouth, still silent, but gave Jay a half smile to let him know he was thankful. Xan stood holding onto Jay’s finger, as he showered himself. It made it a little difficult for Jay, but he knew Xan wanted to be as close as he could and needed the to hold onto him. Turning off the water, he turned and hugged Xan, feeling the little ones arms wrap tightly around him, he softly stroked Xan’s back.

It was slow going as everything was taking much longer than usual with Xan being extra clingy. But for good reason, the pain and fear of that day were still fresh in his memory and it was as if he could feel it all over again. Once Jay had managed to dry them both, he carried Xan to the change mat and laid the solemn boy down on his back. Quickly powering and taping him into a fresh diaper, before helping him into a footed onesie. Jay went into the bedroom to throw on some clothes himself, with Xan in tow. Still feeling needy, Xan sat on the floor and leaned against Jay’s leg while he dressed.

“Alright sweetie, let’s cuddle hm?” Jay said lifting Xan into his arms and heading to the cuddle chair.

Xan’s eyes were still damp with tears as he snuggled in Jay’s warm, comforting lap. Making a little squeak he reached over for Bear, who was sat on the floor at the foot of the stuffed mountain.

Jay leaned over and handed it to Xan. “Here baby, cuddle Bear. Do you want your paci?” He offered holding it up to his lips.

Reluctantly Xan pulled his thumb out of his mouth and accepted his white pacifier. Holding Bear tightly between him and Jay, his other hand gripped tightly to Jay’s t-shirt. Jay turned on the radio, just as Xan liked and laid his head ontop of Xan’s. Neither of them speaking, they didn’t need to. They were just happy to be holding each other.

“Are you feeling a little better now sweetie?” Jay asked a while later, giving Xan a warm smile.

Xan nodded slightly as he looked back at Jay and rubbed his eye. Jay was a little worried that Xan was still silent, knowing that tomorrow he had work and that in his regressed state, Xan was a little vulnerable.

“Xan, would you like it if Jenny came over to sit with you tomorrow?” Jay asked as he pulled out his phone.

He knew that Jenny had just been laid off and was finding being at home pretty boring by herself, especially as Daisy was working a lot in preparation for a course she was going on in a couple of weeks. He rang Jenny to see if she wanted to help out.

“Hi Jen, how are you?… Oh that’s good… Aww crashed out already?… Yeah I bet… Well that’s why I was ringing really, are you busy tomorrow?… If you don’t mind… He had a panic attack today when we went out and now he’s pretty regressed… I don’t know really… Whenever you like...”

Jay chatted to Jenny, but Xan wasn’t paying much attention, he was too busy snuggling and thinking that he wanted some juice.

Jay started to whisper. “I’m a little worried, it was a big meltdown and now he’s silent… Yeah, okay… Thankyou Jen, we’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jay knew it was Xan’s coping mechanism to regress when things got too much for him, but it was still worrying more so for the fact that Jay had to leave him and go to work tomorrow. Having Jenny over to babysit helped Jay to relax, even if it was only a little. Deep in thought he was brought back to the moment by Xan gently poking his nose.

Chuckling, Jay asked him. “What’s up baby boy?”

Xan looked at him with an innocent smile, looking around he pointed trying to get his point across., towards the door. Rather than try to guess everything he could think of, he decided it was best to let Xan lead him to what he wanted, so with a chuckle he held Xan’s hand and let him wander his way to where it was he wanted to go. Xan wrapped his fingers around Jay’s index finger and with Bear clutched to his chest, he made his way downstairs to the kitchen. Stopping by the fridge, he opened it up and handed Jay the apple juice and the punnet of strawberries.

“Ooo strawberries and juice. Let’s get you a bottle, then we can snuggle on the sofa.”

Reaching in the top cupboard, Jay took Xan’s coloured animal bottle and filled it with juice, then filled a dish with a couple of handfuls of strawberries. He turned around to find Xan sat on the floor cross legged, looking up at him. It made him feel needed and happy seeing Xan like this, the subtle smile on his face, his arms stretched out aching to be held in his arms. They settled on the sofa, Xan nestled in Jay’s lap, while he flicked through the TV. Quickly settling on Paw Patrol, he leant back against Jay and let his paci drop into his lap, quickly replacing it with his bottle of juice. Jay was happy that Xan was happy again and soon found himself gently running his fingers through Xan’s long hair, while flicking through his phone for a bit of social media and a little shopping. Xan was content, drinking his juice and watching Ryder and the pups, having Jay play with his hair always helped him calm down. After an hour, with his juice gone and several strawberries eaten, Xan’s eyelids were getting heavy. Almost as if he could sense it Jay declared it was bedtime, with a quick pitstop to the kitchen for a refill of juice, they headed up to the playroom.

Xan laid on the change mat for his nighttime diaper change, clutching Bear in his hand. Jay helped dress him back into his footed sleeper and carried him to bed. Depositing him gently on the soft covers along with Bear, so he could get himself ready. Xan watched intently as Jay laid out his work clothes, then changed his underwear and tshirt.

“All ready!” Jay declared, looking at his sweet boy as he dreamily watched his every move.

Jay climbed into bed and snuggled up to his warm cuddly boy, wrapping his arms around him. It took Xan all of 2 minutes before he comfortably drifted off to sleep, his paci dropping from his lips onto the top of Bear’s head. Jay smiled and set it on the nightstand along with his phone, pressing a soft kiss to the sleeping boys head, he closed his eyes and joined him.

…

After getting dressed, Jay was ready for work but decided he should change Xan. If he was still in a regressed state, he would find it hard to change himself, so Jay thought best to do it before he left for work. He rolled the sleeping boy onto his back, placing the changing supplies next to him on the bed. Carefully undoing Xan’s sleeper, he found all that juice had left him very soggy indeed. Xan was still fast asleep, allowing Jay to take his time and clean his soggy boy properly. With a fresh thick diaper under Xan’s bum, he spread some rash cream on his cheeks to keep him protected, then a generous amount of powder and he taped Xan up. He smiled to himself at how pliable Xan was when he was sleeping and how much of a deep sleeper he was. With Xan’s sleeper back on comfortably, Jay kissed his forehead and tucked him back under the warm covers.

“Sleep tight baby boy.” Jay said quietly.

Leaving a note for both Xan and Jenny, he quietly slipped out the door and drove to work. Jenny was due to come over to their house at 11am, she had offered to come earlier but Jay didn’t want to take up her whole day. Xan was cosy as he slept in the big bed, wrapped up in the mass of covers. His eyes finally opened at half past 10, a little late for him but he was in no hurry to get up today. Being ahead with work and still feeling upset from the previous days events, today would just be a relaxing day to heal.

A little while later he sat up and rubbed the sleep from his eyes, spinning around he grabbed Bear and leaned over to grab his paci that sat waiting for him on Jay’s nightstand. Popping the white paci in his mouth he wriggled his way down the bed and slid onto the floor, landing with a crinkle. His hair was very messy as he toddled his way into his playroom. It was a good job Jay changed him when he did as on his way to change, he got distracted by the variety of toys peeking out of all the boxes. His sleepy eyes scanned over the lego box and the stuffed toys to the yellow box of toy cars. A little smile crept onto his face as he plonked himself down on his padded bum. Tipping the box onto it’s side, the cars spilled out all around him.

Jenny parked up outside at a quarter past 11, taking a sip of her takeaway coffee cup as she locked her car. Lifting up the little welcome mat, she found the key waiting for her.

“Hello? Anybody in?” Jenny called out as she let herself in.

Hanging up her jacket and bag on the hallway hooks, she went off in search of Xan. But just before she got to the foot of the stairs, she spotted a folded white piece of paper on the little table next to sofa. She let out a chuckle knowing it was one of Jay’s ‘notes’.

“Okay let’s see what we’ve got.” She muttered to herself as she opened up the crisp white paper. “Blah blah… oh Jay.” She chuckled at the guidelines Jay had left.

Jenny bounded up the stairs to find Xan. “Munchkin?” She called out.

Xan’s head spun around as he sat on the floor surrounded by his hotwheels, he had been so engrossed in his toys, he forgot Jenny was coming over.

Jenny poked her head around the door frame and smiled at him. “There you are!” She said walking up to him and patting his messy head of hair. “How are you doing this morning? Would you like some help brushing your hair?”

He blinked up at Jenny with a smile on his sleepy face, feeling happy to have some company today. He stood up and walked with Jenny to the bathroom, putting his hands on the edge of the sink he looked in the mirror at Jenny.

“Did you brush your teeth yet?” She asked.

Xan shook his head, telling the truth to Jenny. She pulled his paci out and set it on the white porcelain. He reached out and took his toothbrush, squirting a little of the stripy toothpaste onto it’s bristles. Jenny opened up the bathroom cabinet and took down Xan’s hairbrush.

“Good boy. You clean your teeth and I’ll brush your hair for you okay?”

Xan sleepily nodded, giving Jenny the okay and slipped his toothbrush in his mouth. Jenny gently untangled and brushed his long straight hair. She found it quite therapeutic and relaxing, even humming as she worked her way through it.

“Would you like me to tie it up Munchkin?” Jenny asked.

It was written in the notes Jay had left, that Xan usually liked it tied up when he was feeling little and Xan, still silent, confirmed with a nod. Tying it into a neat bun ontop of his head, Jenny rubbed Xan’s back as he slipped his paci back into his mouth and rubbed his sleepy eyes.

“Lunch time!” She smiled. “Do you need a change first?” Jenny asked as she stood in the hallway, pointing one way to the playroom and then to the stairs and back again. “Let’s check, shall we?”

Xan stepped towards her feeling a little shy and unsure. But allowed Jenny to unbutton his sleeper and check him.

“You’re okay for now.” Jenny smiled, doing back up his buttons and patting his shoulder. “Go grab your stuffies and we’ll get you some lunch.”

With Bear and Kimchi in his arms, Xan followed Jenny down to the kitchen. She first got him a bottle of juice and let him sit at the table. Then as per the page of notes from Jay, she flicked on the radio while she cooked. While frying some chicken in the frying pan Jenny made a little game where she would hold up an ingredient and if Xan liked it, he would make Bear nod and if he didn’t Bear would wiggle his bum. Because Xan wasn’t talking, it made him able to communicate in a fun way and kept him engaged while she made him some lunch.

“Lunch for youuuu.” Jenny sung.

She had made a toasted chicken sandwich with lettuce, tomato and bbq sauce and she cut it into a neat star shape and the spares cut into little triangles. Xan sat up straight and stared excitedly at the plate infront of him, sitting Bear on the table and setting his paci down next to him. Xan uncharacteristically quickly ate the small triangle pieces of his lunch, before starting on the big star shaped piece. Jenny smiled brightly at him as she ate her own sandwich, which was the same as Xan’s except for the shape.

When Jenny cleared the plates away, she put Xan’s paci back into his mouth and went to refill his bottle. Xan got up and hugged Jenny’s side as a thankyou. It made Jenny very happy, Xan struggled with physical contact with most people and he had only hugged her once before when he was a little drunk at Jay’s Birthday. While it was nice, it felt like it only half counted, because of Xan’s condition.

“Aw Munchkin. I’m glad you enjoyed it.” She beamed hugging him back.

Being in his own home, Xan felt able to hug Jenny and have her see him regressed. They had known each other for a while now and Xan was getting more and more comfortable with her. Since getting to know Xan, Jenny had been accepting of all his little quirks and needs. And quickly became fond of them and very protective of him.

“Here’s your bottle Munchkin. What say we bring some toys downstairs and watch cartoons?”

Xan nodded and with a smile behind his paci, he led Jenny upstairs to his playroom. Stepping through the mass of toy cars, Xan stood by his by of blocks and patted the top. Then looked over to his stack of colouring books and flicked through looking for his favourite animal one.

“Blocks aaaand colouring. Sounds good to me. Do you need a change yet Munchkin?”

Xan blushed a little, knowing he was most likely due and lowered his head as he became overrun with shyness.

Jenny held Xan’s hand in hers and patted it. “Alright sweat-pea, let’s get you changed.”

Jenny quickly undid his sleeper, pulling it off and folding it expertly into a neat bundle and setting it ontop of the storage unit. From the first drawer she pulled a new diaper and took out the powder and wipes from the next. Xan was laid on the change mat in just his diaper, his large floppy Pluto teddy was hiding his face and covering up his chest, in an attempt to hide himself from more embarrassment. Jenny knew he would be as embarrassed as could be so she opened up the new diaper and powdered it first, having it ready right next to Xan. Then untaping the soggy diaper she opened it up and wiped him clean as she lifted his bum up. All in one swift motion, she had the used diaper pulled away, Xan wiped clean and the new one slid under him. It was all over in mere seconds ad Xan was taped securely into a fresh diaper.

“There we go, stand up for me Munchkin and we’ll get you back in your sleeper.”

Xan stood, still hiding behind Pluto, while Jenny slipped his feet into the fuzzy sleeper. Pulling it up, she carefully put one arm through at a time and zipped up the front.

“All fini-”

Jenny was cut off mid-word by Xan hugging her. His embarrassment was lifting, now it was finally over and he wanted to thank her for helping him. She wrapped her arms around him and patted his back gently.

“You’re welcome little one.” Jenny smiled, knowing what Xan was trying to communicate.

“Can you carry the colouring book and your crayons for me?” Jenny asked him, gently patting the small of his back.

With a nod in reply, he picked up his colouring book and big box of crayons, while Jenny picked up the green box full of wooden blocks. Xan made his way downstairs, stopping periodically to check Jenny was still following. As he got to the bottom of the stairs he sped off to the living room table and plonked himself down, opening up his colouring book. He flicked through and found a picture of a lioness and her cubs playing on a fallen tree. Jenny set the box down on the other end of the table and sat on the sofa.

“Let’s see what’s on.” She said quietly flicking on the TV. “Ooo nice.”

She sat back on the sofa with her feet up and turned on Indiana Jones and The Last Crusade. Looking over at Xan, she noticed how he even held the crayons differently in his regressed state and it made her smile. Much like a child, he held it in his fist as he scribbled the coloured wax crayon onto the page.

Watching Indiana Jones outrun the Nazi’s with his father, Jenny was fully absorbed in her movie when Xan nudged her knee.

“Are you alright Munchkin? Hm? For me?”

Xan nodded and handed her the colouring he had just finished. He pulled the paper out along it’s perforated edge so Jenny could keep it, writing Miss Jenny along the top in blue crayon. Even the handwriting looked childish and as Jenny looked over it made her very happy. When she looked back at Xan, he let out a yawn and rubbed his eyes.

“Thankyou, I love it.” She smiled. “I think it’s nap now though. I’ll get you a bottle and blanket, then you can nap here on the sofa with me.” Jenny said taking charge.

Xan gathered up Bear and Kimchi, sitting them on the sofa, while Jenny warmed up a bottle of milk for him and came back to her seat.

“Here Munchkin, have a little milk.” Jenny smiled, patting his shoulder.

As Jenny sat, Xan laid his head in her lap and slowly nursed from his bottle. She pulled a blanket over the tired boy and gently stroked his head. With Kimchi nestled to his chest and the cosy blanket keeping his nice and toasty, Xan soon slipping off to sleep. Jenny took the bottle from Xan and placed it on the coffee table, as he fell asleep. Having an hour or so left of the movie, made it a perfect time guide for them. When she was sure Xan was fully asleep she couldn’t help but snap a selfie of the cute moment to send to Jay.

Jay: Aw my baby boy, is he being good?

Jen: Good as gold. He even hugged me!

Jay: Wow, what did you do to get treated so well? Has he spoken yet?

Jen: Not yet but don’t worry he is comfortable, he’ll get there.

Jay was worried, but he knew Jenny was right. Xan was healing and he just needed time and a little patience from him. He sat at his large wooden desk, hearing the seconds tick by from the circular clock on the wall above him, staring at the patient notes infront of him. He kept telling himself ‘Just a couple more’ as he finished filling in the boxes. Closing up the thin white folder, he placed it in the out tray and lifted the next from the to-do pile.

Leaning back in his chair he let out a half sigh, half groan and stretched. He had read through so many notes, his eyes were starting to blur the lines of words together. Pinching his eyes closed for a few seconds he blinked them clear again and looked at his phone. It was only half past 3 but after assessing his workload for the day, he decided it was more than enough of a reason to go home. He picked some files up to take home with him, grabbed his jacket and locked his office door. He was whistling to himself as he sped towards the parking garage.

He made it home in a few short minutes, despite traffic being pretty busy. Seeing Jenny’s car in the drive, he smiled to himself and parked on the road infront of the house. Locking his car, he joyfully jogged to the front door, opening it quietly to peek inside. Creeping inside, he peeked around the corner and saw Xan laying on his stomach on the floor building up his blocks into a big tower. His feet swinging gently as he placed a triangular block on the very top of his tower. Jenny was sat cross legged on the floor infront of Xan, building her own structure and smiled as she caught sight of Jay. He put his finger to his lips and Jenny gave him a discreet wink, looking back to Xan. Not wanting to scare Xan, Jay sat as quietly as he could behind him and gently rubbed him back.

“Such a tall tower, are you having fun?” Jay said in a soft tone.

Xan gasped and smiled so wide, his paci dropped free from his mouth as he pushed himself up. He spun around and wrapped his arms around Jay in a tight cuddle.

“Hi baby boy!” Jay beamed wrapping his arms around Xan.

Xan was practically glued into Jay’s lap as they cuddled.

“Oh little one.” Jay whispered as he held Xan’s head in the nape of his neck and kissed him. “Thankyou for babysitting Jen. What did you guys get up to?” He asked looking up at Jenny.

Jay sat with Xan cuddled against him as he listened to Jenny explain about their day together. Xan was very happy to have his Daddy home from work, it made his excellent day just that little bit better.

“Right I should get going. Time to pick up Little Miss Mischief soon.” Jenny laughed. “But it was a good day, we had a lot of fun.”

“Do you want to say thankyou to Jenny for looking after you today sweetie?” Jay asked his snuggly little boy.

Jenny was just finishing putting on her shoes and pulling her bag over her shoulder, as Xan stood from Jay’s lap and ran up to her, wrapping his arms around her in a big hug.

“Thankyou.” He said very quietly.

Jenny hugged Xan tight and patted his head. “You’re very welcome Munchkin.” She whispered back. “You feel better okay? See you guys soon!”

Xan ran off back to Jay as he waved goodbye to Jenny. As she sat in her car, she pulled out Xan’s colouring he did for her and smiled.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fingers crossed there will be a Halloween special on Thursday! :)


	13. Halloween Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan and Jay are going to an ageplay costume party
> 
> Xan's costume: https://i.redd.it/b34ivnyb3jmz.png

Jay stood leaning against the hallway wall outside their closed bedroom door. Xan was putting on his Halloween costume that he had been working on all month. The reason he had been working hard is that Jenny was throwing a Halloween party for people like them into ageplay, so it was going to be full of big’s and little’s from all over. The added excitement of costumes meant Xan wasn’t feeling anxious but instead he was focused on making his outfit for the evening.

Jay heard a loud bang and tried to open the bedroom door. “Everything okay in there?”

“Not yet!” Xan squeaked pushing the door closed.

“Sorry sorry!” Jay chuckled, leaning back against the wall and crossing his arms.

Xan could have chosen an easy costume or something simple, but he wanted to go as his favourite character from one of his favourite games, Zhang He from Dynasty Warriors. He had taken a liking to the character for his similarly long straight hair and his fancy fighting style. Of course Jay already knew Xan’s costume plans and had taken him to buy materials, but the little one tried to keep the progress a secret so Jay would see his vision when he had finished.

“Okay, just a second and then you can come in.” Xan called from behind the closed door. “Okay I’m ready!”

Jay opened the door and his eyes almost popped out of his head. “Bloody hell Xan! You look amazing!”

The blushing boy had worked hard, he wore long black boots that he had edited, adding a blue strip of material along the top with gold trim and three feathers poking out of the top. He had black shorts and tights with a criss cross pattern completing his lower half. He had brought a royal blue waist coat that he had modified so much there was barely anything he didn’t change. Adding gold trim to match his boots, he had painted a silver butterfly over the whole front and added more to the length so it hung down as armour would. Also he had a black tshirt underneath which he had added more gold trim and he had also made armour to go ontop. A piece for each shoulder and across his chest to link them together. Each one delicately painted and shaped to perfection. With more feathers added to match his boots. He had tied his hair into a high ponytail and at the base attached a butterfly crown he had made, leaving a fringe hanging down to frame his face. In the game Zhang He wore large metal claws as his weapons but they seemed a little impractical for partying, so Xan chose a much simpler royal blue cuff with more gold trim.

Jay stood taking in each little detail at a loss for words. Xan beamed a bright smile and bounced on the spot, overjoyed that Jay liked it. Hopping forward like a bunny rabbit he cuddled Jay.

“I’m really pleased with how it came out.” He grinned.

“It’s amazing sweetie!” Jay was astounded, he wasn’t expecting anything so intricate or detailed, but was so amazed by Xan’s work. “This must have taken ages! Did you make the crown piece too?”

Xan nodded with a big smile, he was feeling very proud of his costume after Jay’s reaction. Jay kissed his little one on the lips and turned to put his own costume on. Jay was going as one of his favourite Halloween characters, the iconic Count Dracula, more specifically the Christopher Lee version. He had a long luxurious black cape with red lining and very smart black waistcoat, with matching trousers. Jay slicked his hair back and whitened his face with a little makeup that Xan had brought for him. Finally adding the finishing touch and his favourite part of his costume, his two fangs, that clipped comfortably onto his own teeth to give a more subtle vampire feel.

Turning to his Chinese warrior sat on the bed, he spoke in a posh deep voice. “Are you quite ready to leave young Sir?” And as if on cue a screech outside of someone trick or treating could be heard and Jay pricked up his ear. “The children of the night… what music they make.”

Xan chuckled and shook his head at Jay’s impression. “Oh Daddy.”

“I couldn’t help myself.” Jay laughed. “But you had better keep on my good side tonight… otherwise I think I might just take A BITE!” He joked, chasing Xan out of the bedroom.

Xan squealed and laughed as he ran away from the scary Count. He ran all the way down to the front door, stopping to check his costume in the hallway mirror. When Jay appeared coming down the stairs, Xan got ready to run.

“Don’t worry sweetie.” He smiled waving off his readiness, Jay had no plans to chase him again. “Do you want to bring Bear?”

“He can come too?!” Xan beamed with excitement.

“Of course! We don’t want him to miss out.” Jay picked up the diaper bag and smiled as Xan scampered off to grab his stuffed friend.

In the car, Xan sat with a big smile imprinted on his face and Bear nestled in his lap. It wasn’t until they pulled up at the rented hall that Xan’s anxieties started to creep in. Jay noticed he had become very quiet and was sitting very still, two sure signs that Xan was a little worried. Jay stroked his knee and Xan looked up at him.

“Let’s go find Daisy hm? My little warrior.” Jay’s smiling face made Xan feel calmer, even if he was looking a little undead.

Even though he was feeling a bit apprehensive, Xan was still looking forward to the party and playing games. Inside the decorated room, the lighting was low to give it that spooky feel and there were different sets of fairy lights and spooky lanterns illuminating the room. A few different areas were dotted around the room, a table at the far end of the hall had lots of spooky themed snacks and drinks for everyone to enjoy. There was also a big cushioned area, with lots of cute Halloween pillows where people could sit and relax. In the middle of the room was a big dance floor, that had been decorated with dancing skeletons and bat stickers all over the floor. And lastly there was of course a large bathroom, with 2 changing stations for everyone to use.

The boys were some of the first to arrive, Jenny and Daisy were busy with the finishing touches, but there were a couple of others hanging around by the food table.

“Wow Xan! Look at you!” Jenny exclaimed. “Who have you come as? Did you make this?!” She asked, walking around him to take it all in.

Jay smiled proudly as Xan happily explained who he was dressed as and what he had made. He gave Jenny a wink and a hug, knowing they’d have time to talk later. She was dressed as a Mummy, which Daisy thought was hilarious and kept calling her Mummy Mummy. Daisy spotted the tall Dracula and bounded her way over to them. She had chosen to dress as Wonder Woman after seeing the film, she now loved everything about the character.

“Hey guys, love the costumes! We’ve got lots planned tonight! We just have to wait for everyone to arrive.” Daisy was buzzing with excitement and was a little hyper.

“You make a great Wonder Woman.” Jay said. “How many are coming expected, do you know?”

“Err… I think 20 in total. We’ve got lots of fun things planned too! Like arts and crafts and apple bobbing and doughnuts and pin the tail on the werewolf and I think other stuff too!” Daisy explained.

Xan’s eyes gleamed as Daisy enlightened him to this evenings events and he couldn’t wait for it to start. Luckily for him it was only 20 minutes before everyone else had arrived, all dressed in their costumes and ready to play. Daisy stuck close to Xan and helped him integrate with everyone, which made Jenny and Jay very happy.

Jay nudged Jenny. “Did you tell her to look after Xan?”

“Nope, that’s all her.” Jenny said beaming with pride.

The big’s stood back with a drink, while the little’s were rushing around together playing with some toys that had been set up. Jay watched Xan as he played with a couple of others. They were playing with their stuffed friends together, all of them full of smiles and he seemed to be doing well. Among the costumes at the party there was Spiderman, Elsa, a Ghostbuster, a scarecrow, a Dinosaur, Ryder from Paw Patrol, Snow White, a zombie nurse and Cleopatra.

“Okay boys and girls!” Jenny called out, making all the heads in the room spin around to look at her. “It’s time for our first activity, pinning the tail on the werewolf! If we can all line up and each person will get 2 go’s! Big’s are welcome to play too.”

Everybody got up and rushed over to get in line, eager for their chance at the first game. Xan turned and waved to Jay, before beckoning him over.

“Mmm are you going to do it too?” He asked excitedly, bouncing on his heels. In public Xan was a little shy about calling Jay Daddy, even though it was an ageplay event.

“Sure sweetie, I’ll have a turn with you.” Jay said stroking Xan’s cheek.

They watched the people infront of them take their turns, with some were getting quite close to the red bullseye. It was a happy relaxed atmosphere, with everyone was smiling and chatting and clapping when someone took their go. When it got to Xan’s turn he handed Bear to Jay and let Jenny wrap the blindfold around his eyes. Spinning him around once, twice and then a final third time, she pointed him towards the target and let go of Xan’s shoulders. He wandered slowly toward the big cardboard wolf with the cardboard tail in his hand, his arm wobbling as he reached out. Planting it firmly onto the cardboard cutout, he lifted off his blindfold to see how he had done.

Xan had stuck the tail on the knee of the wolf’s back leg, standing back he giggled and ran up to Jay, taking Bear into his arms.

“Almost sweetie. I guess it’s my turn now.”

Jenny wrapped the blindfold around Jay’s eyes and spun him around and around. Jay wobbled as Jenny let go of his shoulders making Xan giggle. He watched Jay’s hand eagerly as he neared the wolf, Xan bounced excitedly, trying his hardest to stay quiet. Jay pulled off his blindfold and to his surprise found that he stuck the tail in the perfect spot. The whole room cheered and clapped, Xan leapt forward cuddling Jay tightly.

“You did it!” He exclaimed with a huge smile.

“Congratulations! You’ve won yourself a raffle prize, which will be drawn at the end of the night.” Jenny explained hugging Jay.

Everyone else took their turns on the werewolf with one more person winning a raffle prize, before Jenny announced 15 minutes of free play. Xan wanted Jay to sit with him this time when he went back to playing stuffed animals. He sat on the floor behind Xan, who wriggling his bum back until he was close to him. There were other caregivers who also sat with the playful littles and Jay got talking to a couple of them while Xan was busy playing. He started to notice that Xan was relaxing more now he had got to know some of the other littles, he also noticed how the others were comfortable using their paci’s and bottles while playing and wondered if Xan would like his.

“Okay! Who’s ready for pass the parcel?!” Jenny called out to a roaring reply of ‘Me me me!’

The big’s and little’s all sat in a large circle on the dance floor, with the stuffed friends joining in too. Jenny sat in the circle with a little stereo to start and stop the music and Daisy was on her right ready to send the parcels on their way around the circle, two at a time. The sound of Monster Mash echoed throughout the hall along with giggles and the crinkling of wrapping paper as the parcels made their way around the circle. Each time the music stopped, it was followed with a gasp and the ripping of paper. Each of the little’s ended up with a sweet treat, whether it be a lolly pop or a chewy sweet. Even the adults got a turn at winning something from the parcel.

After the last prize had been won there was a loud round of applause before the circle broke up and people went in all directions around the hall.

Xan pulled on Jay’s cape and looked up at him. “Mmm need a change,” He said quietly feeling shy

“Alright sweetie, let’s grab your bag.” Jay said patting Xan’s back, not wanting to mess up his hair.

Xan laid on the large changing table and started to move his costume for access to his diaper. He lifted his long waistcoat, so Jay could lower Xan’s shorts and tights. Undoing his soggy diaper, Jay wrapped it into a ball and tossed it in the bin. After a thorough cleaning with wet wipes, Jay unfolded the new Little Paws diaper and slid it under Xan. A puff of powder and he taped Xan up snuggly. Jay then started to help Xan wriggle back into his costume. With Xan standing up and holding up the long waistcoat, Jay pulled up his tights and then shorts over the top.

“There we go, all done.” Jay smiled, stroking Xan’s cheek.

Xan leaned forward and kissed Jay, feeling his strong arms wrap around him. “Thankyou Daddy.”

“You’re welcome baby boy.” Jay pulled Xan’s paci from his pocket and held it out for him. He saw the little blush of shyness on Xan’s face. “It’s okay sweetie, lots of the others are using theirs.”

Xan slowly opened his mouth allowing Jay to pop the paci into his mouth. Jay leaned down and kissed his forehead, before taking him by the hand and leading him back to the party. After hanging up Xan’s diaper bag they noticed Jenny and Daisy setting up the craft tables and went over to help.

“Okay warriors are on card duty and monsters are on pens and scissors.” Jenny chuckled, delegating the tasks.

Daisy and Xan sped around each place setting out the coloured card, mask templates and colouring pages. The big’s followed around placing felt tip pens, crayons and scissors. The latter were to be used with adult supervision of course.

“Okay guys and ghouls, the craft area is ready to go. We have got monster mask making, Halloween colouring and card pumpkin making. Lot’s of prizes for the best of each!” Jenny announced to the room, sparking a mini stampede.

In seconds every seat was filled, all eager to start crafting. Pen lids, scraps of card and blobs of glue flew into the air as there was a flurry of activity. Xan and Jay worked together cutting and sticking their pumpkin and after Xan was happy with the shape, he wanted to cover the green stalk in glitter to make it even prettier. Xan may have been an artist but when it comes to glue and childish crafts he was all over the place. He made a pretty good job of getting the glitter stuck on the stalk, but at a cost. His hands were covered in glue and green glitter, the spare card was also covered and he had even managed to get some on his nose and cheek.

Jay couldn’t help but laugh at his messy warrior. “Oh Xan, let me get the wet wipes.”

Xan was expecting people to laugh at his gluey appearance, but instead people were actually finding it very adorable. Even more so when his Daddy helped clean off his very sticky hands. Even Jay started to blush at the audible ‘aww’s’. After he was all clean, Jay cleared up the sticky card and used wet wipes so that Xan could start on his colouring. Jay came back and sat next to Xan as he carefully colouring his Frankenstein picture with the crayons.

“Are you all clean now sweetie?” Jay asked rubbing his back.

Xan nodded with his now cleaned paci in his mouth and showed Jay his colouring that he was working on. Jay was happy that Xan was enjoying himself at the party and leaned over pressing a kiss to his head. Looking around the table Jay watched some of the others making their pumpkins and colouring in their pictures.

“Daddy I want to make the mask now.” Xan said quietly, putting his hand on Jay’s arm.

“What shall we make then sweetie?” Jay asked flipping through the templates and showing Xan.

Feeling uninspired by what was on offer, Xan decided he would make his own. Grabbing a plain piece of white card, Xan had a little think, looking around at everyone’s costumes and the spooky decorations. Tapping his pencil on his bottom lip, a lightbulb went off in his mind and he started to sketch out a shape, making a neat outline and marking two little eye holes, before handing it off to Jay.

“You want me to cut this out for you sweetie?” Jay asked taking the card from Xan.

He smiled and nodded to Jay, gathering the pens he would need for drawing his mask. Feeling happy to help out Jay made quick work of cutting along Xan’s guide lines and punching through the middle making small eyeholes. He handed his finished piece back to Xan.

“Mmm I’mma colour now, but dont look ‘til it’s done okay?” Xan said looking up at Jay.

“Ooo a surprise huh?” Xan nodded and covered up the piece of card with his hands. Jay chuckled and got up to go and find Jenny. “I’ll be back in a few minutes alright?”

Xan watched him walk to the head of the table before he turned back to his mask. Picking up his pencil, he quickly sketched the few details he needed and went straight to colouring each part in.

“Hey you, what are you doing up here?” Jenny smiled, leaning back in her chair.

“Xan’s making a surprise and I’m not allowed to see, so I thought I’d come see you.”

“Aw that’s sweet. I saw him get super sticky with the glue, that was very cute. Are you enjoying yourself?” Jenny said standing up next to Jay.

“I am, it’s good fun. Xan is loving it too.”

They stood chatting, while everyone carried on crafting. They were engrossed in their conversation, when Xan walked up to them, hiding something behind his back. He tugged on Jay’s cape gently and gazed up at him, smiling behind his paci.

“Hey sweetie, that was quick.” Jay smiled hugging him.

“Hey Munchkin, having a good time?” Jenny asked.

“Mhmm i’s awesome!” Xan said with a lisp from his paci.

“Did you want to show me something sweetie?”

Xan handed him the mask, he hid behind his back and Jay turned it over. Xan had made a Christopher Lee Count Dracula mask for Jay, drawing and colouring the face from memory, it was a very close likeness.

“Wow!” Jay exclaimed. “You did all this with felt tips?!”

Xan squeaked in delight as Jay complimented his efforts. He felt a warmness inside that he got each time Jay was proud of him.

Jay bent down and kissed Xan. “My talented boy.”

Back in their seats, everyone had finished their crafts and it was time to show off what they had made.

“Alright boils and ghouls! Well done to everyone I see some excellent artworks on the table and lots of prize worthy pieces. Buuuut we must narrow them down. So, for their masks, we have JJ and Xan! For their colouring, we have Dee Dee and Kel! And for their lovely pumpkins, we have Johnny and Cara! Congratulations everyone!” Jenny announced the winners to happy and surprised faces, watching as everyone else congratulated the winning pieces.

“Now then, before we get this cleared away, make sure you take the art you want to keep. The food table is open for everyone to get something tasty. Lot’s of the cakes and sweet treats were homemade so be sure to get yourself some before they’re gone!”

There was lots of chatter as the crowd gathered around getting their food and drink. Jay squeezed his way through, grabbing a few little snacks and a couple of drinks. He turned to ask Xan what he would like but was surprised to see that he wasn’t with him. His head spun around the room looking for his little warrior, spotting him still by the craft table and made his way over.

“Here sweetie I got you some cake.” Jay said hugging Xan. “I thought you came with me. Was it too busy for you?” He asked gently rubbing Xan’s back to comfort him.

“Thaaankyou.” Xan smiled, taking a piece of green cake. “Was helping Miss Jenny tidy up.” Xan took very small bites of the cake but slowly managed to eat the whole piece he was given.

Jay tried not to look as Xan ate, not wanting to put him off. Seeing him finish, he leaned over and kissed Xan’s forehead. “Good boy.” He could tell that Xan was starting for get a little worn out as he was slowing down and being much quieter than before.

It was time for the raffle prizes, the winners lined up infront of Jenny as she, along with her bouncy helper Daisy, handed each of them a spooky goody bag. Jay and Xan had each won a prize and got a goody bag from the big’s and little’s pile respectively. Xan couldn’t wait to open his bag and see what he had won, he sped off, pulling Jay along with him, toward the comfy cushioned area. Jay sat with his back against the wall and Xan sat in his lap, pulling open his black prize bag and peeking inside.

“Wow!” He exclaimed, diving his hand inside. “Daddy look!” He pulled out a soft hat, with cute little animal ears.

“Aren’t you a lucky boy.” Jay smiled, stroking Xan’s cheek.

Xan gently dropped it on Jay’s lap and dived back inside to the next prize. “Animal stickers!” He excitedly showed Jay. “And look!” He pulled out a new zoo animals colouring book and a clear bag filled with different sweeties.

“Wow, look at all your new treats!” Jay could feel the excitement buzzing through Xan’s body, he leaned forward and spoke quietly in Xan’s ear. “I think you should thank Jenny, hm? What do you say?”

“Yeah!” Xan jumped up, leaving his prizes with Jay and ran across the room.

Jay tucked Xan’s prizes back into his black plastic Halloween bag, while Xan ran up to Jenny and gently tugged on one of the hanging wraps from her mummy costume.

She turned around to face Xan and smiled down at him. “Hey Munchkin, what’s up?”

“Miss Jenny, Thankyou for my prizes!” Xan said, his eyes sparkling as he smiled brightly.

He wrapped his arms around Jenny and cuddled her. Thankful for the surprise hug, she held Xan’s head and hugged him back, looking over to Jay across the room. Jay of course, had been watching and waved to Jenny, seeing the happiness on her face. He nodded and smiled to let her know he could see.

“You are soooo welcome Munchkin. Have you enjoyed the party?” She asked.

“I was worried before, but it was super fun!” Xan smiled.

Jay watched as Xan chatted to Jenny and decided to look inside his own prize bag. His white skeleton bag was a lot heavier than Xan’s and the first thing he spotted was the reason. Inside was a bottle of red wine, some men’s bath wash and some truffle chocolates. ‘Very nice’ Jay thought to himself as he placed it beside him. He looked up just in time to see warrior Xan speeding towards him, holding his arms out and bearing his fangs. Xan let out a squeal and screeched to a halt.

Jay jumped up and chased Xan. “My next young meal!”

Xan giggled as he ran around the hall away from the scary vampire Daddy. His long hair ponytail swayed and flowed behind him as he ran, which reminded Jay of when he would watch him run around the park. In his boots though Xan wasn’t able to run very fast and was easy for Jay to catch. After only a minute or two of chasing, Jay grabbed his boy and kissed his neck. Xan squealed and giggled as they fell together in a heap in the middle of the dancefloor. Little did they know, but almost everyone in the room were watching the two in this very cute moment of Xan giggling innocently and Jay pretending to bite him. After a moment, Jay wrapped him arms around him and cuddled him tightly from behind.

“Okay my beautiful little warrior I think it’s home time now. Can you go grab our prize bags for me? I’m just going to ask Jen if she needs anything.”

When Xan came back with a smile on his face and a prize bag in each hand, the two said their goodbyes to Jenny, Daisy and some of the people they had met at their party. On the car ride home, Xan was non-stop talking about every little thing, peoples costumes, the activities, the friends he had made and everything inbetween, Jay was unable to get a word in, but he was happy to just listen to everything Xan said.

When they got home Jay carried the prizes in and set them on the kitchen table, letting out a great stretch. Walking back to the hallway he slipped off his shoes and tidied them away. Xan already had his boots off and was taking off his shoulder armour. Jay stretched again, closing his eyes and reaching his arms up high. Xan quickly wrapped his arms around Jay’s midsection, making him jump.

“Jay~” Xan purred, looking into his eyes.

Jay could see the fire burning in Xan’s eyes and smiled, knowing what he wanted.

“I want you.” He mewed, stroking Jay’s chest.

They kissed each other deeply, Jay’s hands roaming to Xan’s rear. He lifted Xan up, supporting his bum, as the younger man wrapped his legs around Jay, not breaking the kiss for a second. He wrapped his arms around Jay’s neck, feeling electricity spark through him as Jay’s hands held him.

Gently breaking the kiss, Jay whispered into Xan’s ear. “Let’s take my prince to bed.”

Jay carried his lover up the stairs to their bedroom, all the while Xan was kissing Jay’s neck getting him more and more worked up with every step. They fell onto the bed in each others arms, their costumes littering the bedroom floor.

“I love you Jay.”

“I love you too baby.” 


	14. Cold Wet Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A sudden storm hits catching the boys by surprise
> 
> Fluff fluff fluff

Xan’s plan for the day was to pick up a couple of packages he had ordered online. He was going to walk into town to the shop by himself and walk home to Jay, to prove to Jay and himself that he was over his fear. Slipping his arms into his hoodie, he sat on the little wooden bench in their hallway.

“Are you sure you don’t want me to drive you? Or I could pick you up?” Jay asked, he knew what Xan was doing and that he felt he needed to, but that didn’t stop him from being his usual overprotective self.

“No thankyou.” Xan smiled, slipping on his shoes. “I’ll be back in about half an hour.” He said, standing up on his tiptoes to kiss Jay.

“Love you.” Xan smiled and with that he set off out the door. Fiddling with his earphones, he turned and waved to Jay who was still standing at the door, where he stayed until Xan was out of sight. Going back inside, he dropped onto the sofa and let out a little sigh. 10 minutes passed with Jay staring at his phone, waiting for any piece of news. He was anxious to hear how Xan was getting on but didn’t want to bug him or seem too needy.

There was no need to worry though, Xan had just picked up his packages and was off to buy Jay some lunch before he went home. Jay was sat on the sofa trying to distract himself by watching the TV, but kept glancing down at his phone as it sat on the sofa next to him. “Come on Jay it’s only down the road for goodness sake, stop worrying.” Jay told himself, shaking off his anxiety. He stood up and flicked on the stereo, finding one of Xan’s CD’s still inside and let it play. Closing his eyes, Jay smiled thinking of Xan bouncing around, air guitaring to the heavy music.

The stereo however blocked out the sound from outside, just as the rain lashing against the pavement. Jay was sending an email as he relaxed on the sofa, when the door knocked. Jay gasped and jumped up to let Xan in. Opening the door, he saw the heavy downpour had turned the sky a dark grey and completely drenched Xan. “Oh my god sweetie! Come in quick!”

Xan stood dripping in the hallway as Jay took his bagful of packages from him. “You should have rung, I’d have come and get you.” Jay said peeling the sopping wet hoodie off of Xan.

“It was really quick.” Xan said looking up at Jay with very sad puppy dog eyes. The poor boy was soaked through to the skin and all his clothes were uncomfortably stuck to him. Next Jay helped him take off his shoes and laid them ontop of the radiator to dry. Deciding to strip Xan by the door first, before taking him upstairs to dry, Jay pulled off Xan’s trousers, tshirt and socks, hanging them all up to dry.

“Let’s go upst-”

“Achoo!” Xan sneezed forcefully cutting off Jay mid-word and rubbing his nose with his hand.

“Bless you. Let’s get you dried hm?” Jay took the soggy boy upstairs and wrapped him in a large towel, while he used the hairdryer to help dry him quickly. Blowing the warm air through his hair, Jay stuck it under Xan’s towel warming him up. Xan giggled loudly at the rush of hot air and was already feeling better.

Jay put down the hairdryer and stroked Xan’s cheek. “Does that feel better?”

“Yes than- Achoo!” Xan sneezed again, with such force he almost fell down.

“Oh Xan, let’s get you into some warm clothes.” Jay lifted his sniffly boy up, still wrapped in his towel and carried him to the playroom. “Diaper time sweetie.” Jay kissed his cheek and laid him down on his change mat. The diaper he wore out was discarded back in the bathroom and now replaced with a thick Peekabu. Cream and powder applied, Jay taped his boy up snugly and quickly got him dressed. Jay put him in a warm fuzzy sleeper and whisked him off downstairs.

Xan jumped onto the sofa cushions and wriggled into the corner, pulling the blanket over him. He sat wiggling his feet as they stuck out from under the blanket. Jay had gone to the kitchen to make drinks while Xan got comfy. He came back with a coffee for himself and for Xan, a hot chocolate with whipped cream, marshmallows and chocolate shavings.

“Wow! Yummy!” Xan’s eyes popped wide open seeing the chocolatey drink coming his way. Licking the tip of the cream, he let out a content noise and smiled at Jay. “Were you listening to my King Diamond CD?” Xan asked with a chuckle.

“I was, I fancied rocking out.” Jay said, putting his arm around Xan.

Xan chuckled at Jay, lapping up the last of the cream ontop of his hot chocolate. Jay was fiddling with the TV trying to find something for them to watch on Netflix, while Xan nursed his yummy drink. “Achoo!” Xan’s sneeze sent his drink splashing all over his face and hands, shocking him as much as the sneeze.

“Uh oh. Let’s put that down for a minute.” Jay careful set Xan’s drink on the coffee table and jumped up to grab some kitchen towel. Coming back to the sofa, Xan was sat with his hands held out and hot chocolate dripping down his face. “Oh sweetie.” Jay couldn’t help but smile, he looked adorable holding his hands out for Jay’s help. He quickly wiped him clean and put the back of his hand against Xan’s forehead. “I think you might be getting a cold.”

Xan’s eyes started to tear up as he looked up at Jay. “I don’t want a cold.” His voice quivered.

“I know baby, no-one does. Come sit with Daddy.” Jay gave Xan a sympathetic smile and stroked his cheek with his thumb. He sat in his spot and lifted Xan into his lap. “Do you want a little more hot chocolate?”

Xan seemed unsure but Jay helped Xan hold his cup and drink some more of his tasty drink. After Xan was done, he wriggled forward, laying his head on Jay’s shoulder. “Paci…” He whispered very quietly.

But Jay heard and picked it up from the table, popping it in Xan’s mouth. As Jay sat watching the TV, he could hear Xan sniffing and the sounds of his chest starting to wheeze. Xan however was quite comfy, so much so that before long he started to doze. Jay’s body heat and the comfort of his sleeper kept him nice and toasty. The rain started to get heavier outside, darkening the sky once more. Jay’s stomach grumbled interrupting the quiet rhythmic tapping on the window.

Xan sat up and looked at Jay with a smile. “Oh!” He slid off Jay’s lap and sped off towards the front door.

“Sweetie?” Jay called after him, feeling a little confused he following Xan. He watched Xan rifling through his shopping, before spinning around and holding out a brown paper bag to Jay. “For me?” Jay smiled taking the crumpled bag. Jay peeked inside and was pleasantly surprised to find an array of treats for him. There was a toasted chicken sandwich, a bacon sandwich, an all butter flapjack and an iced apple doughnut. “Oh sweetie, you spoil me.” Jay was so pleased he peppered Xan’s cheek with kisses, making his little one giggle.

Clutching onto his bag, Jay scooped Xan up and flew him back to the sofa. Sitting down with Xan straddling his lap, he set out the feast on the cushion next to them. Xan was still struggling with his eating, but Jay had found he was starting to be more accepting if they were sharing. He opened up the toasted sandwich and took a big bite, offering it up to Xan. The little one shook his head though, he didn’t want to give up the comfort of his paci.

“It’s really good, can you try some for me?” Jay asked, giving Xan a sweet puppy look. He knew it could win over Xan almost every time. And sure enough Xan reluctantly allowed Jay to take his paci out so he could take a bite of the sandwich, it did look good after all.

Taking a modest sized bite, Xan smiled. “It is good!”

Xan ate a couple more bites, then handed it back to Jay. Jay had already unwrapped the next sandwich for him, conveniently the bacon one was already cut in two. “Here cutie pie.” Xan took the sandwich and bit off the corner, he didn’t really want to eat, but it made Jay happy and he knew he had to try. It took Xan a while to finish his small portion and after he was done with his sandwich, he had hit his wall. Slipping in his paci signifying that he was done eating.

A boom of thunder crackled through the sky outside making Xan jolt in Jay’s lap and drop his paci. Jay stroked his boy’s back, picking up the dropped paci and placing it back in his mouth. “It’s okay, just a little rumble sweetie.” As Jay attempted to reassure Xan, the power went out, plunging the house into near darkness. Even though it was almost 3 in the afternoon, the stormy skies made it seem like it was evening already. “Okay, nap time.” Jay smiled, lifting Xan up.

Xan clung to Jay as they climbed the stairs, feeling a little uneasy. Jay knew Xan didn’t like the quiet very much, so it being naptime was rather convenient. Turning to the playroom, they made a quick pitstop to get Xan changed. “Uh oh looks like the sog monster got you.” Jay feigned surprise, tickling Xan’s stomach and making him giggle. Xan was swiftly change into a new crisp white diaper and had his sleeper zipped back up. “You feel quite warm baby. I think you should take some cold medicine before we get you into bed.”

Xan nodded in agreement and followed Jay to the bathroom, watching as he reached up to the cupboard to fetch Xan some tablets. Handing him a little glass of water and the two brightly coloured capsules, Jay watched as Xan swallowed them down with ease. Xan climbed into bed with Bear in his arms as Jay tucked him in. “Don’t worry sweetie, I’m sure the power will be back in no time.”

Xan looked up at Jay and he could tell even in the low light he was feeling a little nervous. “Can you stay ‘til I go sleep?” Xan asked.

“Of course sweetie.” Jay climbed in next to him. Xan flipped over and nestled into Jay’s warm chest, with his eyes closed and Bear tucked under his arm. Jay uncoupled himself from Xan a few minutes later and tucked him under the covers, before quietly heading downstairs.

Jay was hoping that the power would come back on before Xan woke up, so as to put Xan at ease. But it wasn’t to be and an hour later he woke Xan up. “Is the electric still broken?” He asked sleepily, wiping his nose.

“It is for now, but Daddy found all these lanterns to light us up. Annnd there’s a surprise waiting for you downstairs.” Jay smirked, walking with his hands on Xan’s shoulders.

Xan’s ears pricked up at the mention of a surprise and when they got to the bottom of the stairs, he gasped. “A blanket fort!?” Jay had moved the coffee table out of the way, brought in some dining chairs and spread two different sheets out over the top. Xan sprinted to the opening in the front and peeked inside. “Wow! It’s amazing!” Xan stared into the tent and saw Jay had lined the floor with cushions and blankets and even set up lanterns inside. He jumped in, padding around on the cushions and wiggling around to get comfy, finding Jay had also put snacks and drinks inside too, along with his stuffed friend. “Kimchi!” Leaning forward he peeped out at Jay. “Daddy are you coming in?”

“Try and stop me.” Jay smiled, crawling through the opening on his hands and knees. He had made the fort big enough for them both to be comfortable inside, although it still took a little manoeuvring to get himself seated properly.

“It’s so cosy!” Xan happily chirped, nuzzling up against Jay. “Can we watch Netflix?” Just as Xan asked he realised the internet was off too, his face turning to a sulky pout. “Achoo!” His sneeze caught him by surprise, forcefully jolting him.

Jay grabbed a tissue and wiped his boys nose for him. “Sorry sweetie.” Jay patted Xan’s head, but he had planned ahead, leaning back getting comfy and picked up one of the books he had set out. “Would you like it if I read to you?”

Xan’s eyes sparkled as he gasped in glee. “Really?! Yeah!” Xan excitedly laid back against Jay, grabbing his bottle and Kimchi.

“Okay, all comfy?” Jay asked getting a nod and smile from Xan. “Let’s see, we’re reading ‘Call Me by Your Name’, I think it’s your book actually.” Jay wrapped one arm around Xan’s chest, cuddling him closely. He held the book open with his other hand and started to read aloud. Surrounded by pillows, the boys were lit up by the soft glow of the battery powered lanterns as Jay’s soft voice filled the air. Xan’s thumb crept it’s way into his mouth as he followed the words on the page along with the story. His nose was running and he kept sniffing and Jay could feel his chest was a little wheezy, also noticing that Xan had started sucking his thumb, he let out a smiling without breaking his rhythm.

In the cosy fort, they had made it through nearly half of the book, when all of a sudden, there was a bright flash, lighting the blanket above them. “Oh!” Xan squeaked, letting out a little giggle. “Electric is back.”

“I think so.” Jay smiled. “Do you want to stop reading? It’s dinner time.” Jay asked stretching a little.

“Mmm can we finish the chapter first?” Xan asked looking up at Jay with a twinkle in his eye. Jay smiled from ear to ear and after planting a little kiss on Xan’s head, he continued reading. Once the chapter was finished, Jay slipped a bookmark in the page and stretched out. Xan reached up and kissed him tenderly. “Thankyou Daddy.”

“If you like, we could read together every night.” Jay rubbed Xan’s back as he gave his boy Eskimo kisses.

“Yeah!” Xan cheered.

“Okay but first it’s dinner time, I’m starving!” Jay smiled. Xan nodded and wriggled out of the fort, before jumping up and running off to the kitchen. Jay couldn’t help but laugh as he watched Xan’s hair bounce behind him as he sped into the kitchen. Climbing out of the fort he stretched and looked down at his work. “I think it was a success.” He chuckled to himself. He looked through to where Xan was busy preparing dinner and could tell his boy was soggy, by the bulging diaper hidden in his sleeper. “Sweetie, before you start dinner I think we need to pop upstairs.”

Xan wandered over and Jay could tell he was starting to waddle. “Achoo!” Xan went to wipe his nose on his sleeve, but Jay stopped him, wiping his nose with a tissue instead. “Thankyou.” Xan smiled sweetly up at Jay.

He took Xan upstairs to get him changed, stopping off in the bathroom first to get Xan some more cold medicine. Jay helped Xan out of his sleeper and made quick work of disposing of his swollen diaper. “Okay little one lets clean you up.” Jay said, smiling at him as he laid obediently on his change mat. The rain was still coming down outside, pitter pattering on the window as Jay finished wiping Xan’s skin clean. He decided on a thicker diaper with a booster as Xan was wetting a lot today, he spread a layer of nappy rash cream on Xan’s cheeks and added a generous amount of baby powder. With Xan all taped up, he decided to put him in a tshirt and cosy bottoms, that way it would be easier to change him.

With a fresh diaper, Xan was feeling much comfier and skipped off back to the kitchen to cook something tasty as an added thankyou for Jay. The quiet clinking of metal utensils accompanied Xan’s favourite rock radio station as the dinner. Xan danced to the music as he jumped from saucepan to oven, staying on top of all the dishes and soon it was ready. The smells coming from the oven had Jay’s stomach gurgling and he watched Xan intently as he plated up the dinner. “I made Mexican.” Xan sung. “Oh and there’s some left over, if you’re still hungry.”

“You’re the best, little chef.” Jay leaned over kissing Xan on the cheek. Jay had loved Xan’s Mexican dishes, it reminded him of the first meal Xan ever cooked on their first date and had remained a firm favourite since that day. After struggling with his portion, Xan had managed to eat nearly 3/4’s and was allowed to finish. Jay happily helped Xan finish the little piece left on his plate, saving the leftovers for later that night. While Jay washed the dishes, Xan disappeared upstairs, he grabbed an armful of stuffed friends and brought them all down to the blanket fort.

As Jay entered the living room he could hear Xan rustling inside his fort, he bent over and peeked inside catching Xan with a whole herd of stuffed friends around him. He had sat Stitch with Kimchi and they were reading a book together, Pluto was under the covers having a snooze. While Xan had Bear, Plodd and Pikachu, who he was showing around the rest of the features. “Hi sweetie, having fun?”

Xan spun around, his paci now in his mouth. “Yeah!” He said with a little lisp. “Can we keep it up for tomorrow as well?” As he asked, his eyes sparkled, full of hope.

“Sure we can. If you like it this much, we might have to set one up in your playroom for you.”

Xan squealed and wiggled his feet at the thought of having a permanent little fort he could play in whenever he wanted. Jay chuckled at the cuteness and sat on the very end of the sofa that wasn’t covered in blankets, relaxing after his big satisfying meal. He used the remote to flick on the radio and picked up his laptop. It was time for a little shopping and social media, while they relaxed in the evening. Replying to one of his friends, he could hear Xan humming along to the radio from inside his fort.

Xan was overjoyed with his new play space and was happily playing with Bear and his friends. As the dark night set it, Jay decided to check his little one’s diaper. “Sweetie? Can you come here?” He called out, a rustling and shuffling came from inside the sheets and Xan popped out, bounding over to Jay. He stood infront of him with his paci bobbing between his lips. Jay pulled him a little closer and pulled his comfy jogging bottoms down to his knees so he could check his diaper. “Oh sweetie, you are very wet again.”

Xan bowed his head as embarrassment burned his cheeks. “I’m sorry…” He said quietly.

“Aw baby, don’t feel bad, it’s okay.” Jay smiled, stroking the little ones cheek. “That’s why Daddy checks you.” But Xan kept his head down still feeling very shy, Jay stood from the sofa and scooped Xan up into his arms. As Jay carried him up to the playroom, Xan buried his face in his Daddy’s neck. Laying Xan down, Jay pulled his boys bottoms down and untaped the saturated diaper, rolling it up.

When Jay finished re-diapering him, Xan sat up and wrapped his arms around Jay’s neck. “Thankyou Daddy.” He said softly, planting a sweet kiss to his lips.

“You’re welcome sweetie.” Jay pulled Xan’s trousers back up and patted his padded bum. “Okay you can play for another hour, then it’s time to get ready for bed.”

Xan nodded, going straight back to his fort with a little smile on his face. Jay meanwhile had been thinking of the leftovers from dinner and his stomach was starting to grumble. He hummed to himself in the kitchen as he scooped a large spoonful, warming it up in the microwave. Xan plodded his way over to him grasping his empty bottle. “Can I have juice please?”

He asked so sweetly, Jay practically melted as he took the bottle from him. “Of course baby.” Refilling the bottle he handed it to Xan, earning him a quick squeeze before the little one toddled off back to his fort. “God that boy is going to kill me.” Jay joked to himself. He could tell that Xan was starting to get sleepy, his eyes gave him away everytime and Jay could read him like an open book. Sitting at the kitchen table to eat his leftover dinner and every bite was as perfect as the first time. He finished as quickly as he started, leaving the washing up for tomorrow.

He sat down outside the opening in the blanket and peeked inside. Inside Xan was laying on his side with his stuffed friends, drinking his bottle. He noticed Jay outside and gave him a little wave. “Hi baby boy, can I come in?” Xan nodded and smiled with his bottle still in his mouth. Jay wiggled his way inside, laying next to Xan and stroking his side. “I’m glad you like your fort sweetie.” He said smiling at him. “Can I have a cuddle from my sleepy boy before bed?”

Xan stretched out and rubbed his eyes. He climbed ontop of Jay and let out a content sigh. “Daddy~” He purred. Jay wrapped his strong arms around Xan gently holding him and kissing the top of his head. As Xan cuddled he was very sniffly and had started to run a fever, but in Jay’s arms he was happy.

“I think it’s bedtime for my sleepy boy.” Jay said, rubbing Xan’s back.

“Mmm comf’y.” Xan grumbled, he was warm and cosy and didn’t want to move.

Jay chuckled, but he knew in Xan’s sleepy state he would be very pliable. He made sure he had a bottle, a box of tissues and of course Bear. ‘I don’t think we will get to read much tonight.’ Jay thought to himself as he carried his tired boy up the stairs.


	15. Where's Bear?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Xan is struggling, so Jenny decides to take the boys shopping for some fresh air

Jay put his laptop down and pinched his eyes, he needed a break from screens. After spending most of the day working, he was almost finished for the weekend, but something else needed his attention first. It was time for Xan to take his nap, recently the little one had been having trouble sleeping all the way through the night and so had been getting very grumpy in the evenings. Jay’s plan to combat this was to get Xan to nap at 3pm each day, so their evenings together would be easier for them both.

As his focus returned back to the present moment, their was a dull thumping coming from upstairs and when Jay got to the foot of the stairs, Xan yelled for him. “Daddyyy!” Xan’s voice was filled with sadness and Jay could tell he was very upset.

He sprinted up the stairs and was greeted with a scene of chaos, the playroom had been turned upside-down by the distressed little. “Baby what’s wrong?” Jay quickly enveloped Xan, holding the weepy boy tight. “What happened? Are you hurt?” Jay was bewildered as he looked at the mess around them.

“I can’t find him!” Xan howled, gripping tightly to his Daddy’s shirt. Jay stroked Xan’s back as he hiccuped.

“Who can’t you find sweetie?”

“Be-ar!”

Now Jay understood what was going on, the sleepy boy had worked himself into quite a state because he had lost his stuffed friend and he wouldn’t nap without him. Before he could calm Xan down, he wriggled free from Jay’s clutches and began tearing through the remnants of the stuffed toy mountain. “Sweetie, slow down please. Come here baby.” Jay held his hand out to Xan and the sniffly boy tiptoed over the mess on the floor. “We’ll find him sweetie, but you need to calm yourself down okay?”

Xan plonked himself down on the floor on his padded rear and looked up at Jay. He took a deep breath in like Jay had taught him and counted in his head to five before slowly letting it out. Looking up at Jay with a very sad pouty look, he rubbed his eyes.

“When did you last have him?” Jay helped Xan to his feet and wrapped his arm around him.

Xan rubbed his nose and looked around, trying to think. “Um… I think when we woke up.” He then sped off with Jay in tow to their bedroom, diving on the bed and looking under all the pillows. Jay bent down and looked under both ends of the bed, while Xan was rummaging around on top. “Not here.” Xan called, feeling disheartened. Before Jay could reply, Xan jumped down and sped off downstairs.

“Oh Xan…” Jay said to himself as he straightened the bed. Taking one last look around the bedroom, Bear was still nowhere to be seen. He decided to check the playroom himself, rather than try to chase the whirlwind. He stood at the door and surveyed the mess left in Xan’s wake. It became clear Bear wasn’t hiding in the clutter, nor was he in any of the opened boxes or drawers.

Jay tapped his finger against his lower lip as he thought of all the possible places Bear could have been. “Well, we got up and he wasn’t on the sofa… he wasn’t in the kitchen… art room maybe?” He slowly made his way downstairs and could hear Xan quietly sobbing, it was past his nap time and he was not a happy boy. “Xan.” He called out to him.

The upset boy slowly made his way towards the bottom of the stairs with his head hanging down. “Can’t find him.” He mumbled as he pressed his face into Jay’s midsection, loosely putting his arms around him.

Jay lifted Xan up into his arms and cuddled him tightly. “Oh baby boy, you’ve got yourself into such a state haven’t you?” Jay soothed Xan, stroking his back. With Xan clinging to him, he had a quick look in his art room but to no avail. “Let’s get you changed sweetie.”

Xan buried his face in Jay’s neck. “I don’t want to nap.”

“I know, but you are overtired little one.” Jay took him upstairs to the change mat, all the stress had left Xan very soggy. Jay laid the sniffling boy down and pulled off his indoor shorts, setting them to the side. “Oh sweetie, you are very wet.” Jay felt great sympathy for his boy. He had been having a hard time lately, on top of his issues sleeping, his therapist had been trying a different stage of therapy to combat his eating disorder and she had warned Jay that he would be very stressed as she addressed his issues.

“Daddy will get you cleaned up.” Jay smiled, wiping him clean and slipping a fresh diaper under his boy. Taping him snuggly into a comfy peekabu, he helped Xan sit up and cuddled him. “Maybe you could choose a friend to nap with as a stand in? Just for today.” He pressed a kiss to Xan’s forehead and watched as he shuffled over to the many stuffed toys laid about the floor.

With a sympathetic smile, he picked up Xan’s shorts and took them to the washing hamper. Tossing them in, he noticed a small white ear poking out and a rush of excitement came over Jay as he grabbed the stuffed bear. “You have caused a lot of trouble Mister Bear.” He scolded the illusive teddy, before running off to his worn out boy. “Xan look!”

“Bearrrr!” Xan squealed, tears falling from his eyes as he hugged Bear and Jay tightly.

“Let’s get you two to bed.” Jay chuckled, scooping Xan up. In a flash he had Xan tucked in and wiped Xan’s tears away with a tissue. “There we go, Bear is back and you’re all comfy. Get some rest sweetie.” Jay pressed a kiss to Xan’s rosy lips and turned to leave.

“Daddy?” Xan’s quiet voice called, making Jay turn around. “I… I’m sorry f…for being upset and making a mess.”

Jay knelt beside the bed and brushed Xan’s hair out of his face. “It’s okay sweetie, I know you’re having a tough time. We can talk later though, you and Bear have a nice sleep. Daddy loves you lots.” Jay saw a small smile from Xan, as he turned out the light and quietly made his way downstairs back to his work, thankful that the meltdown was over.

It took only minutes for Xan to fall asleep, after getting so worked up, he crashed hard. Downstairs Jay straightened the sofa cushions and sat himself down. But try as he might, he couldn’t concentrate on his work, instead thinking only of Xan. He wanted to help him and take his stresses away, but he didn’t know how. So instead of working he shot an email to Dr Taylor, Xan’s therapist, in hopes she could offer a solution. Surprisingly it didn’t take long for her reply to come through and it was just as Jay thought, she suggested trying Xan on a temporary course of anti anxiety medication.

Jay sighed and leaned back on the sofa. Lost in thought, he was interrupted by a quiet knock on the door. Jumping up he peeked through the window and beamed a wide smile seeing jenny standing outside.

“Hey, ready to go?” Jenny asked. Se was dressed in her favourite coat, a present from Daisy, with her handbag over her shoulder.

Jay gave her a lost look. “Go…?”

“I knew you’d forget.” She shook her head, walking through the door. “We were going Christmas shopping.” Jenny told her bewildered friend.

“Shit, I completely forgot.” Jay said pressing his hand to his forehead. “I’m so sorry, it’s been… uh… hectic here.”

“Ah sounds like it’s coffee time, while you tell me all about it.” Jenny chuckled, ushering Jay to the kitchen. Jay boiled the kettle and set out two cups and adding extra sugar in his own. “Uh oh, you’re having sugar, what happened?”

Jay smirked. “Xan’s having a hard time with that therapy thing, I think I told you right?” Jay asked, getting a nod from Jenny. “Well because of that I’ve got him napping in the day. Well today we couldn’t find Bear and things turned nuclear, full meltdown mode. He got himself very worked up.” Jay handed Jenny her coffee and sipped his own. “I eventually found Bear, but Xan was so upset.” Jay explained, pausing to sip his drink. “I’ll get him up when we finish these, I think the fresh air will help him feel better.”

Jenny patted Jay’s hand. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just worried about him.”

“Okay, well I think you should let his doctor know that he isn’t dealing with it very well.” Jenny decided what Jay needed was a day to forget about his worries and get them both outside for a little while. Jenny picked up their empty cups and washed while Jay headed upstairs to get Xan ready.

Xan woke up as Jay came down the hallway, propping himself up on his elbows. “Jay?” He called sleepily.

“There he is! Hi sleepy head. Are you feeling better?”

“Yea… Were you talking?” Xan asked rubbing his tired eyes.

“I was, Jen’s downstairs, we were supposed to go shopping. Do you still want to?”

“Yeah!” Xan exclaimed, throwing the covers off. Jay chuckled as the messy haired boy went to the wardrobe to get dressed. He stood behind Xan and hugged him tight, inhaling his scent. He squeezed his diaper to check if he needed a change, which made Xan blush and feel very little. Because he was dry, Jay helped him untangle and brush his hair, before getting him dressed, helping Xan into a pair of jeans, a clean tshirt and a long sleeve shirt over the top.

“Right, go see Jen while I get changed.” Jay smiled kissing Xan softly and patting his diapered bum. Jenny could hear the soft padding of Xan coming downstairs. “Miss Jenny!” He called out with a big smile on his face and Bear still in hand, he ran up to her and wrapped his arms around her.

“Hi Munchkin!” Jenny smiled back, patting his back. “Did you have a nice nap?”

“Mhmm. We’re going shopping.” Xan chirped happily. He poked his head in the fridge in search of some juice before they left. Pouring himself a little glass he carried it with two hands, concentrating on not spilling a drop.

He finished his drink as Jay rejoined them, carrying Xan’s diaper bag over his shoulder. “Shoe’s on sweetie, then we can go.”

Xan grabbed Bear and ran to his little wooden stool, pulling on his shoes and looking up at Jay to let him know he was ready. Jay pulled Xan’s warm jacket out of the hallway cupboard and helped him put his arms in. Then with his own shoes and jacket on, they all got into Jenny’s car, Xan sat in the back with Bear in his lap and Jay sat up front.

Jenny drove them to the big shopping centre, a place Daisy always loved to go because they had so many shops and so much choice. It was perfect for Christmas shopping and they both had long lists of gifts they needed to buy. After his nap, Xan was refreshed and back to his happy self, the tantrum long since forgotten.

When they had parked in the multi-story, Xan wanted to sit Bear in his seat and put his belt on for safety. “So he doesn’t get lost again.” He turned to Jay and said.

Jenny covered her mouth, trying not to laugh at how sweet Xan was being. She locked the car and they headed off. Xan happily held Jay’s hand as they made their way to the shops. Walking through the door into the vast open area, the whole place was beautifully decorated. Brightly coloured lights, with red and gold decorations adorned each shop, all leading to an enormous tree centrepiece. “Wow!” Xan exclaimed catching sight of the huge tree. He ran up to the barrier, pulling Jay along with him. “It’s so pretty!” He bounced excitedly as he looked up at the tree.

Jay smiled, seeing the glee in Xan’s eyes made him feel complete, in that moment everything was perfect. The happiness he saw reassured him that Xan would come out the other side of whatever was troubling him. Jenny stood beside them and could tell by Jay’s face that his worries were lifted, feeling a little proud of herself for helping bring them to this moment.

“How about I get a photo of you guys?” She asked, pulling her phone from her pocket. They turned with their backs to the tree, with Xan throwing a peace sign and Jay wrapped his arm around him. Both with huge smiles on their face. Jenny smiled and signalled okay with her fingers, letting them know she had taken it.

“One more.” Jay nodded to Jenny, he turned Xan to face him and with his hands around Xan’s back, he leaned down pressing his lips to Xan’s. Standing infront of a beautifully decorated tree, in each others arms, with lips together time stopped. “I love you Xan.” Jay said quietly to his blushing boy.

“Okay that was aching adorable, now let’s go shopping.” Jenny chuckled.

Jay laughed and held out his hand, Xan’s eyes sparkled as he looked at Jay. They walked through the shopping centre, hand in hand with Xan practically floating. The trio visited every shop on their list, maybe a few too many, as by the time they were finished all three were loaded with full bags. Jay was particularly proud of himself, managing to buy Xan presents right under his nose without the little one suspecting a thing. But what he didn’t know is the crafty boy had also brought him gifts at the same time. After the hours went past, even shopping lover Jenny was feeling the strain and had had enough.

She dropped into a chair outside their favourite coffee chain, setting her bags on the floor all around her. “Coffee then I’m done I think.” Jenny said, letting out an exasperated sigh.

“My treat.” Xan beamed.

“Ooo thankyou Munchkin, I’ll take you shopping more often.” Jenny chuckled.

Jay put his bags down, letting out a grumble as they almost toppled over. “I’ll help you sweetie.” He smiled and followed Xan. Tapping his card to pay, Xan carried Jenny’s drink to her very slowly, while Jay carried theirs. Feeling shy Xan tugged on Jay’s sleeve and whispered to him, bowing his head. “Alright sweetie, come with me.” Jay said patting his hand. Winking to Jenny, let her know they would be right back. He took Xan to the disabled bathroom, to get him changed. “Looks like we made it just in time baby boy.” Jay said kissing Xan’s forehead. Disposing of the soggy diaper, he helped Xan clean up and into a comfy Tena. Xan much preferred them for when he was out, they made less noise and helped him feel less self conscious. He happily bounced back to their table and just a few minutes later they all finished their drinks. They paid the parking and lumbered their many purchases to Jenny’s car.

“Hi Bear!” Xan waved through the window, delighted to see his friend still where he left him. Jay and Jenny stifled a chuckle at the cuteness from Xan. It took quite a while to pack the car with the many bags, leaving just enough room for Jenny to be able to see out of the back window and Xan to sit comfortably. With such an overloaded car, Jenny drove more carefully back to Jay’s house. When they stopped at a red light, Jay looked to Xan, catching him dozing. He was cuddling Bear with his head bowed and eyes closed.

“I think we wore him out.” Jenny said glancing in her rear view mirror.

Jay smiled as he looked at his snoozing boy. “Yeah hopefully he’ll sleep well tonight.” It didn’t take long for them to get home and almost on cue, Xan rose from his slumber as they pulled up outside the house. Stretching his arms and legs out, he smiled at Jay seeing him looking back to him. “We’re home sweetie.” The trio stood at the boot of Jenny’s car looking in at the mass of bag’s. “Do you know who’s is who’s?” Jay asked.

Jenny looked at the amount of bags piled into her over-full car. “Uh… Not entirely.” Jay had opened the front door and was helping Jenny look inside each bag, trying to determine who they belonged to. Xan stood waiting and ran the bags into the house two at a time. Eventually they had waded through each bag and Jenny was ready to leave.

“Miss Jenny?”

“Yes sweet pea?” She replied as she closed the car boot.

“Can Daisy come to play?” He looked at her with a smile and hope in his eyes.

“I’m sure she would love to. If you give her a text you two can choose a day.” Jenny smiled, patting Xan’s back as he gave her a hug goodbye.

Jay stood at the door with his arm around Xan, the two waved to Jenny as she had drove away. Xan grabbed his three special bags and hid them in his art room. “What have you got there?” Jay said, stretching up to get a look at the bags.

“I guess you’ll have to wait and see.” Xan chuckled and cuddled into Jay’s chest. He suddenly went rigid and pulled back. “Where’s Bear!?” He squeaked anxiously.

Jay picked up the soft fuzzy friend from the sofa and handed him to Xan. “Here sweetie, he’s right here.” Xan looked at Bear and then to Jay, his building stress melting away. Jay wrapped his arms around Xan and cuddled him tightly. He knew Xan had a long way to recovery, but he was getting there and he would help however he could.

“C… can we have cuddle time?” Xan asked, his voice a little shaky.

“That sounds good to me.” Jay smiled. He led Xan by the hand upstairs, but when they got to the playroom, Xan saw the disorder he had left in his earlier tantrum and started to get upset. In near silence his eyes overflowed with tears as Jay scooped him up into his arms. Settling in the cuddle chair, he snuggled his remorseful boy. “It’s okay baby boy, don’t cry. We’ll just cuddle here for a while.” He soothed his boy, slipping a paci in his mouth and turned on the radio.

It was much easier to calm him this time around, with the little one slipping into littlespace. “Daddy.” He whispered snuggling into Jay’s strong chest.

“Sweetie, I have a problem that I need your help with.” Jay told him in a soft tone, sparking Xan’s interest and making him look at him with wide innocent eyes. “I reeeaally want to dress my sweet boy in his onesie and long stripey socks. But first I need to figure out where all these toys go.” Jay explained with a smile and exaggerated confusion. “I can’t figure out where any of them are supposed to go. Can you help me?” He tapped his lower lip, pretending to be stumped.

Xan’s wide eyes followed Jay’s every word, he happily nodded and slid off Jay’s lap to start to help. Jay’s plan to make tidying the room a game had worked beautifully and avoided any more sadness on Xan’s part. Jay helped keep Xan engaged by commentating on how well he was doing and how clever he was to figure out where the toys went. He was helping to tidy too, periodically feigning confusion and asking Xan where the toy he picked up was supposed to go. With the room now tidy, Xan crawled to the drawers where they kept his onesies and looked up at Jay.

“Ooo do I get to choose?” He asked, getting a nod from his smiling little. Jay looked through and pulled out a pride onesie, white with black print and rainbows on the sides, for Xan to wear. Pairing it with Xan’s favourite pair of rainbow knee high stretchy socks. Xan bounced and clapped, excited by Jay’s choice. “Does my cutie pie need a change first?” Jay asked stroking Xan’s cheek.

Xan looked down and poked his diaper, before looking back to Jay. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He chuckled. Helping Xan out of his clothes and he laid back on the change mat, in nothing but his diaper. Jay pulled out one of Xan’s favourites a PeekAbu and changed him out of his damp Tena. Xan too excited to wait, pulled the onesie Jay had set out over his head, wiggling his arms into the sleeves. Jay couldn’t help but laugh, in his haste Xan had managed to get it backwards. “Nice try sweetie, but let Daddy help you.” Jay spun it around and tucked his arms back inside, popping the buttons up over his diaper. “Time for socks.” Jay rolled them up making it easier and wiggled Xan’s toes as he took ahold of his foot. Unrolling them over Xan’s legs, he adjusted them to make them comfier.

Xan jumped to his feet and wrapped his arms around Jay. “I love you Daddy.” Moments like this, Jay knew everything they went through was worth it.

He radiated joy as he hugged Xan back, spinning him around and lifting him into his arms. “How about we have a takeaway tonight? Then we can have more cuddle time.”

“Yeah!” Xan cheered, holding onto Bear and Jay as they made their way to the sofa. “Can I have chicken nuggets?” He asked, his voice full of happiness.

“Hmm I think we can manage that.” Jay kissed his boy’s cheek over and over, delighted Xan was back to his happy self. He was going to cuddle and keep him close all night long. They settled in the corner of the sofa together with a blanket over their legs to keep them warm. Both in their happy place, snuggled together. Jay fiddled with the TV, while Xan laid his head on his chest, letting out a content sigh. Even Bear was pleased as he sat smiling, nestled between the two. Xan would be keeping a tight leash on him for the foreseeable future.


	16. Christmas Special

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas! Here's a sweet mini chapter
> 
> What do you want for Christmas?   
> I hope it's fluff! ^_^

Jay rolled onto his back and upon opening his heavy eyes, saw Xan staring at him and gently bouncing with a wide smile on his face. “Morning baby.” Jay croaked in a sleepy voice. “I’s Chris’mas!” He exclaimed with his paci still in his mouth. Jay couldn’t help but laugh at the over-excited little. “Yes it is sweetie.” Xan squeezed his eyes closed and let out a happy little squeal. Wrapped his arms around the wiggly boy, Jay cuddled him tightly and peppered his cheek with kisses. “Let’s go change my squishy boy, then we can go see if Santa has brought you some goodies.” Jay said stroking Xan’s cheek. With a big smile, Xan bounced off the bed and ran off into the playroom. “Come, Daddy quick quick quick!” He called out, eager to get downstairs.

Jay pulled his tired body from the cosy covers and headed to the playroom, following his impatient boy. Xan had already got his change supplies and clothes ready for Jay’s arrival. He could barely keep still as Jay changed him, the anticipation of the day was getting the best of him. “Okay wiggly boy, brush your teeth and hair then we can go downstairs okay?” Jay reasoned. “Yeah!” Xan leapt to his feet and yelled excitedly, speeding off into the bathroom. Jay followed behind and made sure he brushed properly, being so excited Xan had a tendency to rush. After getting the ok from Jay, he rushed downstairs with Bear in hand, straight to the Christmas tree. “WOW!” He exclaimed, laying his eyes on the many presents wrapped in cute, inviting paper.

Jay chuckled at Xan’s eagerness as he slowly made his way downstairs, his first stop was his mandatory coffee. He had expected Xan to wake up earlier because of the excitement, but this was a little too early for him. Sipping his coffee, he walked into the front room where Xan was now sat in a pile of shredded wrapping paper grinning like the Cheshire Cat. “Daddy!!” He called, holding up a new onesie he had just unpacked. “Santa brought all this good stuff!” Around Xan he had stacked his many new treats including, a new paci, a colouring book, a couple story books, new CD’s that he had had his eyes on, a set of toy cars with a mat to drive them on, cute new socks with little animal faces and an adorable tshirt that Jay couldn’t resist buying among others. Jay’s main present for Xan was a trip for the two to Paris, a place Xan had always wanted to visit.

Xan watched Jay put his cup down and ran to him. “Thankyou.” He said sweetly as Jay lifted him into his arms. Pressing a soft kiss to Jay’s lips, he laid his head on his shoulder. “You are so welcome baby boy.” Jay breathed in his scent. “Can I give you your presents now?” Xan asked with wide eyes. “I can’t wait.” Jay smiled, setting him down. He ran off to the tree, diving underneath to the pile of gifts he had hidden at the back. “Sweetie! I said you didn’t need to get much!” Jay chuckled in surprise as Xan came towards him struggling to carry the armful of presents he had brought.

Xan sat next to Jay on the sofa as he carefully unwrapped his presents. He had carefully chosen Jay’s presents for the last couple of months, firstly an expensive jumper for the winter months, that Jay had his eye on, which Xan had brought when they went shopping together. Then Jay unwrapped a box from the jewellers. “Xan!” Jay jokingly scolded him as he peeked inside. “You bad boy! This is expensive!” Jay chuckled as he opened the very smart new Omega watch. Jay had wanted a new watch for a while now and Xan had gone a little overboard. “I had it inscribed too!” Xan excitedly pointed. Turning it over, Jay read, ‘I’ll love you until the end of time - X’. “Thankyou sweetie. It’s beautiful.” Jay hugged his beaming boy and slipped his new watch on his wrist. Being so artistic, Xan had also made a couple of gifts for Jay. The first was a painting of a certain ruin in the countryside that was one of Jay’s favourite places to visit when he was in University and held very happy memories. “Oh wow, Xan that is amazing! How did you know about that?” Jay was astounded as he looked at Xan’s expertly painted canvas. “Your friend Tina told me about it at your party.” Xan beamed with pride at Jay liking his gift.

The next present was also handmade and extremely heartfelt, it was a photo album/scrapbook and inside there were photos of them together and little tickets and items he had picked up on their outings. He had arranged them all on the pages and added lots of illustrations and hand written notes. “Oh Xan… This is beautiful.” Jay was transfixed as he flicked through the first two pages. His heart swelled, on the first page was a photo from their zoo trip in each others arms and it brought a tear to Jay’s eye. “Xan this is the best gift… I’ve ever gotten. Thankyou” Jay wiped the tear from his eye and squeezed his boy in a cuddle. “I love you Daddy.” Xan whispered as they cuddled.

A while later…

“Oh that must be the girls.” Jay brushed his hands off and headed for the door leaving Xan working away in the kitchen, cooking his turkey. “Merry Christmas!” Daisy yelled. “Hi, merry Christmas, come on in.” Jay welcomed them in and hung their coats by the door. “This is for you.” Daisy smiled and handed the bottle of wine to Jay, like Jenny had told her to and after getting a thankyou, went off to put her bags down. “Something smells incredible.” Jenny said inhaling the scent of Xan’s kitchen wizardry. “He’s been cooking for hours, he wants to make everything perfect.” Jay told her as he looked over his shoulder at Xan.

“That is so sweet, I’ll see if he wants any help.” Jenny said and hurried off to the kitchen. “Hey Munchkin, it smells amazing in here.” Xan turned to hug Jenny. “Hi! Thanks, I’m doing roast potatoes, roasted and steamed vegetables, homemade stuffing and pigs in blankets and all the sauces.” He happily explained, pointing them all out. “I see and how many are you planning on feeding?” Jenny joked making Xan giggle. Daisy sped into the kitchen having put down the toys and presents they had brought with them. “Hi Xan! It smells so gooooood.” Daisy groaned in pleasure. “Can we eat yet?”

“Just another 10 minutes or so, then it will be ready.” Xan giggled. “You can help me decorate the table.” Jay said as he appeared in the doorway. Daisy cheered and Jay got the things ready for the two of them, while Jenny assisted Xan with his turkey. Xan was cleaning off one of the serving spoons and it splashed onto his foot. Since Xan had been doing his new therapy, he had been very stressed and easily upset. One thing Jay had found to be the worst thing to set him off, was the feeling of wetness on his clothes, especially his socks. Xan froze in spot and bit the inside of his lip, in an attempt to calm himself. He scrunched up his feet and gave Jay a ‘help me’ look. Luckily for Xan, Jay knew exactly what had happened and what to do. “It’s okay sweetie, come with me.” Jay took Xan’s hand and slowly sat him on the stairs, while he sprinted upstairs to get him a new pair of socks. As he helped him change, he looked up at Xan and smiled. “Good boy, you did so well.” Stroking his knee Jay praised Xan, very happy to have avoided the meltdown.

When everything was in place, Xan asked Jay to carry the turkey for him as it was a bit heavy. “Wow!” The girls said in unison, by now it wasn’t just Daisy’s stomach that was grumbling. Jay carved the turkey into neat slices, while Jenny poured the wine. Then the adults served each dish up on everyone’s plates and on Jenny’s signal they all started. Groans and sighs of bliss echoed around the room as they got their first tastes of Xan’s hard work. “Xan I’m going to employ you as my personal chef.” Daisy chuckled. “I’m afraid I’ve already claimed him.” Jay snapped back, making them all laugh. With the radio playing in the background, their plates were soon bare and they all leaned back in their chairs with full satisfied bellies. And even though they had all eaten a lot, there was still mountains of leftovers. The girls would be going home with a large doggy bag later on. They covered the food and the girls migrated to the sofa, flopping down on the comfy cushions.

But first, Jay led Xan upstairs for a quick diaper change. “Are you having a good time?” Jay asked, slipping Xan’s trousers off. “Mhmm, did you like dinner? I tried reeeeally hard to make it tasty.” Xan smiled, laying on the change mat. “It was perfect sweetie, everyone loved it. You’ve got such a talent.” Jay’s praise delighted Xan, making him wiggle on his mat as he was being changed. He was soon helped into a dry comfy PeekAbu and instead of wearing his smart trousers, he swapped them for his comfier jogging bottoms.

Down on the sofas Jay sat in the corner with Xan wriggling up to him, while Jenny and Daisy relaxed on the end. “I think we should watch a movie!” Daisy suggested hopefully. “Sure, do you want to pick?” Jay smiled, handing the remote over to her. Without a second to spare, she took the control and flicked through looking fro something suitable. Daisy chose Home Alone and they all settled down in their after-dinner glow to watch. “Oh I love this one.” Jenny smiled, wrapping her arm around Daisy. Xan by now was feeling content and happy enough to grab his paci and Kimchi to cuddle. Settling in with a smile as he got ready for the movie. The early morning, mixed the cosiness and full stomach meant that Jay barely made it past the first ten minutes before he drifted off to his Christmas nap. As Kevin set up the elaborate traps to stop the hapless burglars, Daisy had accumulated enough room to enjoy a few chocolate coins.

Almost like clockwork as it neared 3pm Xan got very sleepy, he stretched out and rubbed his tired eyes as he looked around to Jay. Spotting the comfy allure of his empty lap, he climbed in and snuggled against Jay’s chest. With his paci bobbing away he soon fell into a blissful sleep. Jenny couldn’t help but chuckle as she looked around at the boys, Jay was long gone with Xan now joining him, in an adorably cute looking scene. She took a quick picture to send to Jay later when he woke up, to show him he had been caught. She looked down to Daisy to point it out to her, but she had also lost the fight to stay awake. Jenny looked at her princess in her lap and wiped some melted chocolate off of her mouth, shaking her head. Taking a sip of her wine, she let out a content sigh. Outside the window, frosty white snow had started to blanket the ground, while inside the friends were warm and toasty. It had been a perfect Christmas.


	17. Problems In Therapy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mentions and descriptions of past sexual abuse
> 
> Xan's therapist tries hypnosis,uncovering hidden horrors in his past

Xan was dragging his feet as he sulkily got ready for his weekly therapy appointment. Grumbling to himself, on his way to put his shoes on. When he was finally ready to leave, he went to the sofa where both Bear and Kimchi were sat already waiting for his return. “Bye guys.” He said quietly, giving them a quick cuddle.

Slipping in his headphones, he headed out the door. When he got on the bus, he sat quietly in a seat near the rear and sent Jay a message, letting him know he was on the way to his appointment.

J: Good boy. Ring me if you need anything okay? Love you sweetie xxx

Reading the text made Xan smile to himself and he was already starting to feel happier as the bus neared his stop. Just hearing from Jay helped more than he could know, as he confidently held his head high when he walked through to the reception. He was only sat on the comfy chairs for a couple of minutes when he was called in.

After the greetings, Xan settled on the somewhat comfortable sofa. “Now Xan I think today we discussed that we would try hypnosis. In which we will help you into a deeply relaxed state to help you unlock some memories that might need addressing.” Dr Taylor explained.

Xan was a little hesitant to say the least, but when he told Jay what Dr Taylor wanted to do, he helped him understand what it meant. “Uh… yeah.”

“Okay there’s nothing to fear and we can stop at any time, if I see it’s too much for you I will quickly bring you out and the session will be over. When you are ready to start lie back and close your eyes.” Dr Taylor’s calm soft tone helped soothe his fears, in fact her voice was one of the reasons he kept seeing her. “Now I’m going to count back from 20, when I reach 1 you will only hear the sound of the metronome and my voice.”

“20… 19…” Dr Taylor’s smooth voice was easy to fall into. “3… 2… 1… I want to take you back to when you were 13, in the carehome.” Dr Taylor knew right where she wanted to start, from previous sessions where Xan had mentions certain time periods. “Xan, what can you hear?”

“Mmm the house parent is telling us it’s time to go to bed.” Xan’s eyes flickered. “But … pulling me to the bad room.”

“Who is pulling you Xan?”

“The older boy. He’s pulling my hair… it hurts.” Xan sucked in a shallow breath.

“Concentrate on the sound of my voice and the ticking of the metronome.” Dr Taylor said, keeping her voice calm. “Why is he taking you to the basement Xan?”

~~~

The sound of a belt buckle tinging echoed through Xan’s ears, in the almost black room. His body shivered in cold fear of the figure standing infront of him. It’s fingers roughly gripped his hair and hurt with a broken trust that stung deeply. Tears streamed down Xan’s face, with a scared cry cracking his voice.

“Keep quiet.” The voice spat in a whisper. The violation hurt in every way possible, forcing salty tears to flow like a river down his innocent face. Xan’s eyes pinched closed tighter than ever before, in a vain attempt to pretend it wasn’t happening. He just wanted it to stop, it couldn’t be real, it was too much…

“No… noo…”

~~~

“NOOOOO!!” Xan screamed, jolting upright. Tears started to stream their way down his face as he looked around at the familiar office. He was back in Dr Taylor’s office but it was different, he was shaken and he felt wrong.

Dr Taylor rushed around from her desk and took his hand in an attempt to comfort him. “Xan! Look at me, deep breaths.”

Xan snatched his hand back, afraid of the touch because he couldn’t think clearly. “No… I… can’t!” Xan’s voice cracked. He scrambled to his feet and bolted for the door, needing air, needing to get away from it, to run away.

“Xan wait!” Dr Taylor jumped up to try and follow the distressed boy. She could only see the blur of Xan’s jacket whipping behind him as he fled around the corner. Along with her receptionist, they searched fruitlessly for Xan outside the office building.

With his hair flying behind him, Xan sprinted through the streets as watery droplets fell from his eyes. “No!… No more, it didn’t happen. It’s not reaaall!” He squeaked, his voice jumping with each step he took.

“I need to call his partner.” Dr Taylor mumbled to the receptionist, turning and speeding back to her office. Looking through Xan’s file, she tapped in his number to try and reach Xan, but expectedly it went through to voicemail. Dr Taylor then tapped in Jay’s number for a conversation no-one wants to have.

“Hello Dr Thompson? No, um… there isn’t an easy way to say this. Xan has run away from our appointment, we tried to follow but he was very fast… No… yes. I tried to call but he didn’t answer…”

On the end of the phone Jay was quickly filling with panic, Xan was in trouble and he needed to help. He ran through the corridors to the nurses station. “I have to go. I’m sorry I need to leave.” Jay’s intense tone, let them know whatever had happened was serious.

“It’s fine I can cover.” One of the other doctor’s offered, reading the situation.

Without a second to waste, Jay tapped the worktop and thanked his colleagues. Fumbling with his phone, he tapped on Xan’s number. Almost immediately it went straight to voicemail. “Xan, sweetie, please call me as soon as you get this. I just want to know you’re alright okay? Love you.” Jay sighed, but expected as much. He sprinted through the parking lot to his SUV and jumped into the driving seat. “Okay. Deep breaths…. And calm. Calm calm calm.” Jay repeated to himself, slowing his breathing down.

Jay drove straight home in record time and screeched to a halt outside. Running into the house, he darted from room to room, poking his head through the doorways “Xan? Xan!? Sweetie!?” He called out, but it was clear Xan hadn’t been home. He pulled his phone out and rang Xan again. “Xan please ring Daddy back as soon as you can.” Jay hung up and tapped his phone to his lip, thinking about what to do. He rushed out to his car and sat for a few moments. “Where are you sweetie?” He mumbled out loud.

With a deep breath, he started the engine and pulled out, deciding to follow Xan’s usual route to the therapists office. Moments after Jay pulled out of their road, Xan turned the corner from the other end. It was less than 15 minutes before Jay returned, by now he was very worried and panic was starting to set in. Jay’s eyes locked on to their front door which he could see was open. Pulling into the driveway he rushed back inside and could tell something was wrong from the silence and the discarded clothes in the hallway. “Sweetie!?” He yelled out.

He looked to the sofa and saw Bear was missing from his spot and his art room looked askew. There was a pot of paintbrushes spilled on the floor and his current painting had been completely destroyed. Seeing that one thing, Jay knew it was bad. It was something Xan did when things got too much, as if destroying his creativity was a signal things were truly broken.

Jay leapt up the stairs in almost a single jump and could immediately hear Xan’s cries coming from the bedroom. He found him curled in a ball on the floor at the foot of their bed. Laying next to him, he smothering Xan into a tight snuggle. “It’s okay little one, Daddy’s here.” Xan was distraught, he had ripped his shirt in his frustration and desperation to try and get it off. His daytime diaper had stood little chance against the rush of stress and pain he felt, which reduced his bladder control to near zero. He had leaked on his sprint home and being wet had made him want to get out of his trousers as soon as he could, but in doing so he had left a small wet trail following him upstairs.

“Daddy’s got you.” Jay said quietly, taking Xan slowly into the playroom to get him cleaned up. The weeping boy clung onto Jay tightly like a baby monkey clings to it’s mother. “Daddy needs to get you changed sweetie.” Jay said rubbing Xan’s back. “Can you lay down and cuddle Bear for me?”

Jay disposed of the sopping wet Tena and wiped Xan clean. He slipped an ABU simple with a stuffer under his rear, spread some cooling nappy rash cream on his cheeks and covered the whole area with powder. As Xan lay with his face buried into Bear’s soft fur, Jay taped his diaper closed and started to roll up Xan’s tshirt to hide the fact it was ripped from him. Bending down, he kissed his boys stomach. “Let’s get this off sweetie, do you want to wear Daddy’s comfy jumper?”

As Jay pulled his tshirt off he got a clear view of Xan’s tear soaked face and it broke his heart. Xan was hurting deeply, just having the event unearthed from his past, made the pain all to real again and he was struggling.

Xan nodded, needing every safe comfort Jay could provide, the newest of which was an old jumper Jay had found when cleaning one day. After washing it, it was far too tight for Jay but after Xan had put it on, he found a special love for it, because it was Jay’s.

“Alright up we go.” Jay announced, lifting Xan up into his arms. The jumper was in the top of Xan’s bedside draw as he always kept it close. Jay sat with Xan on his lap and popped the jumper on him, gently slipped his arms in. Jay knew talking would not help Xan right now, what the little needed was to be held and supported.

Jay managed to get Xan to lay on the bed with him, with Xan laying on his chest and his strong arms wrapped around him. He pressed a kiss to his head as he brushed his hair. “Shh shh shh. There’s a good boy.” He flicked on the TV, putting on some cartoons for some calming background noise. Pulling out his phone, he gave Dr Taylor a quick call to let her know he had found Xan, then set his phone aside.

An hour passed by and after Jay had dried Xan’s tears, the two drifted off to sleep. Xan’s emotions had exhausted him once again and as Jay’s worry and panic wore off he too was able to rest. When Jay woke he found Xan sat cross-legged next to him on the bed watching the cartoons he had left on, sucking his paci which he grabbed from the nightstand.

Jay half smiled as he reached out a hand to stroke Xan’s back. “Are you doing okay sweetie?” He asked, with a tired croak in his voice. Xan turned his head to face him and gave him a weak nod. Jay could see his eyes were still very red from the crying, but his demeanour was much calmer. Jay knew from past experience that Xan was starting his process of regression to help heal from his trauma. “Shall Daddy tie your hair up for you?”

Xan gave a brief tweak of a smile behind his paci and nodded, rubbing his tired eyes. Jay got up to grab the brush and Xan hopped off the bed after him, holding onto his shirt. He clung two hands to Jay’s shirt as he let him brush his long hair for him. “There, no more tangles.” Jay smiled as he tied Xan’s hair up with a hairband.

Jay lifted Xan up into his arms. “Sweetie why did run away today?” He asked, his curiosity getting the best of him. Xan shyly hid his face in the crook of Jay’s neck, staying silent behind his paci. Feeling him start to sniffle, Jay quickly changed tact. “Okay sweetie, it’s okay.” He started to rub his back. “Let’s go cuddle on the sofa, Daddy has lots of work to do.”

Xan was huddled in Jay’s lap, drinking his bottle of apple juice, with Bear and Kimchi close by as Jay busied himself on his laptop. Answering the many emails and requests he had received. Luckily for them both it was the weekend and Jay could spend the next few days looking after Xan. The little one was feeling very lost, paying little attention to the cartoons on TV or what Jay was doing. He was feeling overwhelmed and just stared into space. Jay looked at Xan from his laptop because of the sound of an empty bottle. “Sweetie, it’s all gone. Do you want some more?” He asked, gently taking it from Xan’s mouth. But he could see Xan was not doing very well, whatever had happened in therapy was serious, his eyes were welled up with tears as he looked into Jay’s.

“Baby boy.” Jay sighed, wrapping his arms around Xan. He pinched his eyes tightly closed as they started to overflow, Xan tried as hard as he could to stop himself from crying. Jay gently held Xan’s head against his strong chest as the little one’s floodgates opened and pressed soft kisses to the top of his head. The warm embrace made Xan feel safe and secure, but the burning memory was a fresh wound and it hurt deeply. “Oh Xan…” Jay sympathised, holding him tight. “Sweetie, what happened today? Daddy’s worried little one, you need to tell me.”

But Xan couldn’t say, he couldn’t even think about it without it feeling real. He cried for what seemed like an eternity and the sound ripped right through Jay. He took Xan upstairs and changed his saturated diaper. Pressing a kiss to the weeping boy’s head, Jay laid with him on the bed once more and just as before being so exhausted, he went right to sleep. Jay had to know, he had to find out what had cut Xan so painfully inside, he carefully slid out of bed and crept into the hallway to call Dr Taylor.

The phone call lasted for no more than a couple of minutes, but what he learned would hurt forever. Jay fell back against the wall as Dr Taylor gingerly disclosed what had happened. Hanging up the phone he clutched his head and slid to the floor as a tear rolled down his cheek. “Xan…” He whispered, trying to comprehend what his little one must be feeling. Peering around the door frame he saw Xan sweetly resting, his chest rising and falling with calm breaths.

Jay pulled himself to his feet and stumbled silently into the bathroom. Looking at himself in the mirror, he dried his tears and washed his face, so it was unnoticeable. His eyes lingered on Xan’s bath toys sitting neatly on the bath and he was reminded of just how innocent and pure his boy was. He started to get choked up and took a couple of minutes to compose himself, before he rushed back in Xan. He carefully laid next to the sleeping boy and pulled him into his chest, smelling his soft hair.

Jay knew Xan was strong but he couldn’t imagine going through something like that and still being the sweet and trusting person that he was. While Xan slept, Jay was lost in thought, mostly about how to help his little one heal and what to expect from the latest regression.

As Xan woke up, he rolled onto his back and rubbed his tired eyes. “Hi Mr sleepy.” Jay said, stroking Xan’s cheek. He could see the sadness still present in Xan’s eyes when he looked up at him. “I think you could do with a fresh diaper little one. What do you think Bear?” Jay asked, lifting Xan’s stuffed friend and nodding his head. With a little smile from Xan, he swept him up off the bed and took him to the changing mat.

“Me and Bear were talking, when you were asleep and he thought it would be fun if we made a big blanket fort and spent the night in it.” Jay said laying out his plan as he set about changing Xan. Taking a discreet peek at his face, he could tell Xan was intrigued. “Bear said you had so much fun last time we made one, that we should make another.” Xan was starting to get excited as he imagined the fort they would make.

With Xan in a thick fresh diaper, Jay helped him up. “It’s almost dinner time little one, will you eat some with Daddy?” Xan gave Jay a small smile and nodded, which made Jay very happy to see. He lifted Xan and pretended to fly him down to the kitchen. Bear was swinging around as they made their way downstairs and Xan was starting to sweetly giggle. With distractions in place, Xan’s mind was no longer focused on the sad events of the day, but instead on enjoying his time with his Daddy.

By the time they reached the foot of the stairs, Jay set Xan on his feet and the little one sped off towards the kitchen. When he reached the fridge, he held the handle and looked back waiting for Jay. The sight of his little one smiling back at him let Jay know, whatever had happened, Xan would make it through. He jogged over to his boy and wrapped his arms around him, kissing at his neck. Xan squealed with happiness, almost dropping his paci. “Alright sweetie, lets see what we can have to eat. If Daddy doesn’t eat soon, I might have to start snacking on little fingers!” Jay joked, lifting Xan’s hand and pretending to chomp. Xan’s happy squeals and giggles echoed through the house as the gloomy aura started to lift.

Jay rustled up some little bitesized foods that he thought would be simpler for Xan to eat. Mini sausage rolls, chicken nuggets, duck spring rolls and a mixed salad were on the menu tonight along with Xan’s mandatory bbq sauce for dipping.

With wide eyes, Xan looked over the different foods on offer and reached out to take a piece of chicken, looking over to silently ask Jay if it was okay. He smiled and nodded and the little one quickly dunked it in the sauce, before putting the whole nugget in his mouth. When they had finished, Jay hurried about getting the sheets, blankets and everything they needed from upstairs.

Xan looked up from the comfy beanbag he was sitting on under the window and watched Jay start to slide the heavy coffee table up against the bookshelf, out of the way. Next Jay pulled the sofas apart and pushed them up to the wall to make the sturdy walls of their fort. Xan’s big eyes followed Jay’s every move as he repositioned the furniture infront of him. Sliding off the beanbag, he set Bear and Kimchi in his place and crawled over gently tugging on Jay’s trouser leg.

“Hi sweetie.” Jay smiled, stroking Xan’s head. “Do you want to help?” With Xan at one side they stretched the sheet across the top of the sofas. Jay pinned his end in place, stretching it tight before jumping around to pin Xan’s end. “Thankyou.” He said softly kissing Xan.

Xan dropped down into the opening and pulled the first of many blankets inside. Jay had clipped an extra sheet on each end to act as a little door. When he was happy with the base blankets inside, he poked his head out and beckoned Jay over. “Wow, it’s starting to look good!” Jay said, pulling the pile of pillows closer, for Xan. With a mountain of pillows to lay and lean against, Xan was satisfied with their work and wiggled his way into Jay’s lap. “Here’s my cuddly boy.” Jay gushed, kissing the little one’s head. “How about we watch some Pooh Bear, hm?”

With a little readjustment of adding a stick to prop the opening up higher, they slouched back into the pillow mountain. Jay had his arms around Xan, who was rested back against his chest, with a bottle of juice as they watched the animals of the hundred acre wood on their adventures. With only a brief trip for a change and to grab some more drinks and snacks, they spent the night in their cosy little den in each others arms. With Jay’s guidance, Xan was swiftly on the road to recovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter will be the boys holiday to Paris  
> I can't wait to start writing it! ^_^


	18. Parisienne Walkways

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The boys head off to Paris for Xan's Christmas gift. His first time abroad ends up being the perfect trip for the both of them.

“Flight 323 to Paris will now begin boarding from gate 12…” A voice crackled over the tannoy.

Xan was filled with both anxiety and excitement as he looked up at Jay for confirmation. “That’s us sweetie.” He smiled. Xan nervously held onto Jay’s hand as they made their way to the desk at the entrance to the gate, looking around at the vast open airport lounge and the queue of people behind them. He was wearing his favourite jacket and was clutching his backpack filled to the brim with things he had deemed too important to go in their main luggage. Bear had been put in charge of keeping everything safe, like his camera, his ipad, sketchbook and pencil case. Kimchi was too big to fit in the backpack, but was lucky enough to be tucked under Xan’s arm for their journey.

Jay almost had a meltdown on his hands when he told Xan to pick just two friends to take with him. The little one didn’t want any that were left behind to be upset because of his decision, but after Jay explained that they would be extra happy for him to come home and tell them all his adventures, he agreed to take just Bear and Kimchi.

Even though it was still early and they had been at the airport for some time, Xan had shaken off his tiredness and was brimming with excitable energy. He was completely in awe of his new surroundings, it was all very new and he was so taken in that he didn’t hear the attendant ask for his ticket. Jay gently ushered him towards the smiling woman behind the desk. “Show the lady your ticket sweetie.” Xan looked around with wide inquisitive eyes and tentatively handed over his ticket.

“Thankyou, enjoy your flight.” The polite worker said, scanning Xan’s ticket and handing it back to the bewildered boy. Jay thanked her in place of his stunned companion and walked Xan down the corridor.

All the new sights and procedures were a lot for Xan to take in and process, but luckily he didn’t have to struggle alone, with Jay being there it helped take the edge off. On the plane, they were shown to their seats and now settled Xan’s excitement took over. “Wow, look! We get a TV! And oooo a menu!” Xan flitted between all that was available, examining everything within arms reach. Jay chuckled and smiled as he watched his excited boy exploring his temporary environment.

Jay managed to settle Xan down for the flight attendants to be able to do their announcements, but when they began to take off Xan started to get scared by the loud engines and the speed as they rushed down the runway. Jay held his hand and quickly turned on a movie they had on offer that Xan liked, to try to distract him. “Look Xan, here sweetie Zootopia, watch the movie sweetie.” Jay put in Xan’s earphones for him and rubbed his knee to comfort him.

Holding onto Kimchi, Xan’s attention focused solely on the movie and his anxieties soon fizzled away. Before he knew it the movie was finishing and an announcement told them they would soon be landing in Paris. Xan gasped and looked over Jay with a big grin on his face. “Yep, we made it already.” Jay nodded.

In no time Jay had managed to get Xan reigned in enough to get him to stand still by the baggage carousel. He bounced on his heels as he stared at all the bags rolling past, eagle eyed looking out for his and Jay’s, insisiting on pulled them off the carousel himself. “Okay we have both bags, but we should get you changed before we head to the hotel. We don’t want any leaks do we?” Jay said quietly. Xan let out a sweet giggle, too excited to be embarrassed and spun around, heading off infront to the disabled bathroom.

“Oof!” Xan puffed, putting down his heavy bag. “How long is it to the hotel? Will we go out straight away? Oh! Can I get a croissant? Ooo and maybe ice cream too?” Xan’s eyes gleamed as he practically bounced with excitement.

“Okay okay settle down.” Jay chuckled, helping his hyper excited boy lay down. “The hotel is about 25 minutes away, we will get our keys and put our stuff away. Then we can go explore what’s nearby and get you some yummy things” Jay explained as he started changing Xan’s diaper. Wiping his soft skin clean, Jay slid a fresh Tena under Xan’s rear and with a poof of powder, taped him up securely.

Xan leapt to his feet and wrapped his arms around Jay. “It’s going to be so fun!” He beamed. Jay led the way to the taxi rank, pulling his large suitcase along and carrying the small holdall that held Xan’s diapers. Following closely, Xan dragged his suitcase behind him and held tightly to Kimchi as he looked around at the huge open airport.

“Here sweetie.” Jay smiled, ushering him to the taxi. He lifted his suitcase into the boot and turned back to Xan. “Do you want to put your backpack in there too?” He asked, brushing Xan’s hair out of his face.

“Mmm… nu uh.” Xan thought, shaking his head. Instead he held his backpack in his lap, keeping it close as they drove on to the hotel. Xan gazed out of the window in wonder, amazed at how different everything was. “The streets look just like a movie.” Xan giggled, looking on in awe. When they unloaded their bags, Xan turned and waved to the taxi driver. “Merci beaucoup!” He called out, excited to use his limited French.

“Ooo look at you, we’ve been in France 5 minutes and you’ve picked up the language.” Jay smiled, wrapping his arm around him. He pressed a kiss to the top of Xan’s head and picked up his bags. “Shall we go see our room?” Jay asked.

With an excited smile, Xan nodded and held Jay’s hand as they made their way into the hotel foyer. Pulling their luggage on a wheeled rack, Jay went up to the desk. “Bonjour!” Xan cheeped excitedly, peeking over the desk.

Jay couldn’t help but chuckle. “Good morning, we have a reservation under Thompson…” As Jay spoke to the receptionist, Xan was again taken back by his stunning surroundings. Being Xan’s first time abroad and his Christmas present, Jay had spared no expense and booking a suite in a very nice hotel was only the start of what was to come. While Xan was busy looking up at the large mural on the wall, the receptionist handed Jay their key cards and an envelope containing the many different tickets he had organised. Gently patting Xan’s back, Jay gave him a smile. “Ready?”

Just then a bell boy appeared, ready to assist the couple. “Bonjour monsieur, puis-je prendre vos bagages?”

Xan paused for a second, translating in his head what the man was asking. “Oui merci.” He replied, smiling. He held Jay’s hand as they made their way up to the 6th floor in the lift. “This place is really fancy.” He whispered to Jay, making him smirk.

Walking down the immaculately clean hallway they came to room 603. “This is us.” Jay said feeling the excitement building as he pulled out the key card and swiped their door. ‘Beep, Click’. Opening up the door both boy’s eyes grew wide as they looked inside. “Woah.” They breathed in unison.

The smart contemporary room was teamed with dark oak furniture and white accents. The room had a strip light lining the headboard and very arty, modern light screens in each corner that shone brilliant white light. The large dark stained wooden bead was the centrepiece in the large room, the crisp white and green bedding was sprinkled with pink rose petals that made Xan’s heart flutter.

He turned to Jay and flung his arms around him. “I love you so much. This is amazing.” Xan said quietly. The bell boy had discreetly set the bags in the room and disappeared while the couple looked around in amazement. Xan unpacked in record time, throwing things onto the shelves and drawers. Finishing by sitting Bear and Kimchi neatly on the bed. “Done!” He cheeped, eyes gleaming at Jay.

Jay chuckled, surveying the untidy attempt. “I can see. Alright let’s get some lunch.” Xan gasped with a smile and took Jay’s hand.

Outside the hotel, the boys took a short walk down towards the Seine. “Wow! Look at the river!” Xan exclaimed, running over to the metal railing and gazing out over the water. Jay caught up moments later and stroked the small of Xan’s back, as the little one waved at a passing boat. “They waved back!” He squeaked, looking up at Jay. Pressing on, Jay led his little one across the Debilly footbridge to find a cafe for lunch. “Look! There’s the tower, are we going there?”

“Yep.” Jay smiled, swinging Xan’s hand. “There’s a little place where we can eat and look out at the tower, then I will take you up there and you can get some nice pictures.”

“Wow.” Xan said with a wide smile imprinted on his face. It was only a couple of minutes until they reached the cafe Jay had suggested. He had visited Paris once before a long time ago, but vaguely remembered certain little highlights that he hoped were still there, so he could show Xan. Jay swiftly ordered for them both as Xan was feeling a little anxious about trying his French when it was so busy. “It’s really pretty here.” Xan stated, looking down the long grassy area, at the lines of uniform well kept trees.

Tucking into a tasty toasted cheese and ham sandwich each, they relaxed as the world bustled around them. The sun shone down on the garden, brightening the greenery and giving the park a more angelic quality to the astounded little one. Jay sipped his coffee and sat back, watching Xan take in the stunning sights around them. Absent mindedly, he picked up his requested croissant and took a bite, quickly spinning round to look at Jay. “Mmm!” He squealed in delight, holding the very tasty treat out for Jay to try.

Knowing Xan would insist he try it, Jay leant forward and took a modest sized bite. “Oh wow!” Jay exclaimed, relishing the buttery, flaky pastry. “I think I’m going to get one.” He said, making Xan chuckle when he looked around and stood up to order one. Now both satisfied, they started to make their way across the grassy area towards the imposing tower. Xan switched into full photographer mode, holding his camera up high for shots, kneeling for others and every laying on the grass to get his perfect shot. Jay couldn’t help but smile, watching Xan happily snap away. “Sweetie, do you want me to take a picture of you infront of the tower?”

Xan looked up at Jay and smiled. “I have a better idea.” Xan turned around spotting a woman sat on a nearby bench. “Excusez-moi, pourriez-vous prendre notre photo?” He confidently asked. The tall, fashionably dressed woman agreed and took a few photos of the couple. “Merci beaucoup.” Xan bowed slightly, taking his camera back.

He looked at the photo and showed it to Jay. “Aww that’s such a nice picture sweetie.” Jay gushed, noting how perfect and happy they looked together. As Xan snapped more photos, they made their way to the tower.

“It’s really big!” He squeaked, leaning his head back and looking up at the intimidating tower. After he let Xan got over his wonderment of the huge structure, Jay took him up to the viewing platform. Xan tugged on Jay’s sleeve, so he would bend down. “”Jay, it’s really high.” He whispered feeling a little afraid.

Jay sympathetically smiled and wrapped his protective arm around his little one. “It’s alright baby, Daddy’s right here.” With Jay holding onto him, Xan felt instantly safer. “It’s a great view, do you what to try taking some photos?” Xan looked up at Jay and gave him a little nod. Standing about a foot from the metal railing, Xan started to take a few snaps of the breathtaking views, making sure Jay maintained his comforting touch. After a few more minutes, Xan’s fears dissipated and now he felt more confident, he held onto the railing and pulled himself up to peek over. Unable to hold in his smirk at Xan’s height challenge, Jay moved closely behind his little one and gave him a sweet cuddle.

“Isn’t it beautiful? Xan asked staring out into the distance.

Jay looked down at his boy, gently brushing his fingers through Xan’s long straight hair. “It sure is.”

When they left the tower, Jay took Xan across the river to the Palais de Tokyo. As he laid his eyes on the vast structure, Xan was in awe. After snapping away with his camera from every feasible angle, Jay suggested he tried sketching in his sketchbook which he had brought new specially for their trip. “Oh! Good idea!” Xan beamed a happy grin, remembering it was tucked in his backpack. Relaxing in the warm French air, Jay sat back against the brickwork, while Xan happily sketched away in his book.

As he watched his talented little one sketching the vast structure infront of them, Jay smiled feeling a flutter in his chest. ‘I’m the luckiest man in the world’ He said to himself, fondly taking in every inch of the boy sat infront of him. When his smiling face turned to look at him, Jay’s heart skipped. “I finished my sketch.” His sweet voice rang in Jay’s ears.

He held his arms out to Xan inviting him in for a cuddle. “Come beautiful.” He implored. Hoping to his feet, Xan leapt across the short distance between them and flew into Jay’s arms. Jay wrapped him in a protective cuddle, relishing his touch against him. With closed eyes, time seemed to stop, both in each others embrace. Jay inhaled his boy’s sweet scent, feeling more in love with Xan than ever before. He looked into his eyes and saw complete adoration shining back at him. Pressing a soft kiss to Xan’s lips, the boy blushed a crimson red. “I love you Xan.” Jay said in a soft voice, brushing his thumb over his soft cheek.

Xan fluttered his eyelashes, looking deep into Jay’s fiery eyes. “I love you more.” His voice cracking as he replied.

“Not possible.” Jay smiled. The cheesy line made them both crack up. “I know.” Jay said, knowing what Xan was going to say. “Do you need a change baby?” Jay asked, discreetly sticking his finger into the waistband of Xan’s diaper.

After finding Xan was rather wet, they heading to the bathrooms before they were due at their next stop. While Xan stood looking rather shy, Jay went to the help desk to get access to the disabled bathroom. “Thankyou very much.” After they were given a temporary key, he called Xan over and gently ushered him into the large stall. “Come on sweetie.” Xan’s shyness, meant Jay worked quickly, shedding his little one’s trousers, he hung them on the door and lifted Xan onto the raised area next to the sink. “Let’s get this changed hm?” Jay said with a bright smile that helped Xan feel at ease. The sagging yellow tinged diaper was swiftly removed and rolled up into a neat bundle. “All clean!” Jay cheerfully declared after wiping Xan over with the comforting scented baby wipes.

Jay powdered and taped Xan into a fresh plain white diaper, then helped him back into his trousers. “Where are we going next?” The little one asked in a quiet voice, trying to put his mind past feeling shy.

“We are off to a very beautiful place, there’s a little bit of walking but, I think you will get some really nice pictures and hopefully there will be lots of opportunities for you to sketch too.” Jay answered, trying not to give too much away.

A short walk later, they arrived at the Trocadéro Gardens, in the shadow of the Eiffel tower, famous for there many water jets and central fountain. “Woah!” Xan exclaimed, seeing the water shoot in sync before his eyes. First they visited the Homme Museum, which being a doctor, Jay found very interesting. He read every little plaque or piece of information in the museum of Mankind, whereas Xan spent his time taking little snaps of different exhibitions and of Jay studied them closely.

When they left, they went out to relax on the green for a while. Jay lounged back reading one of his new purchases on his kindle, while Xan was sat cross legged sketching the gardens. Around them, the fountains splashed and birds high in the air cheerfully chirped to one another. Finishing his chapter, Jay lowered his kindle and gazed around at the beautiful scenery, Xan included and thought how perfect everything was. The absence of many people around allowed him to hear Xan’s pencil scratching the white paper as he created another skilful sketch.

Minutes later, the smiling boy spun around and hugged Jay, who was back to his book. “Daddy? Do I have time to do another sketch?” He asked wantingly.

Jay smiled contently and brushed wisps of Xan’s hair from his face. “We can stay as long as you like.” Xan let out a happy little squeak and kissed him on the lips, not caring who was around. He flipped open his sketchbook to a crisp white page and quickly began to draw an outline of the tower above them. Looking upon his cute concentration face, Jay found it hard to look away, but after a minute or two Xan noticed him staring and hid shyly behind his book. “Sorry.” Jay chuckled, lifting up his kindle to get back to his reading.

With a few pages of his sketchbook filled with detailed sketches, Xan was eager to see what Jay had planned next. They held hands, swinging their arms together on their walk through the Parisienne streets. “How far is where we’re going next?” Xan asked feeling curious.

“Oh, not far.” Jay replied nonchalantly, giving nothing away. He knew Xan was going to love their next stop and it was one of the places he had planned as a necessity of their trip. Even though Xan had only studied art for a year or two in school, one classic artist he always admired and revered was Claude Monet.

Turning to the front of the museum, Xan’s face lit up. “Oh my god!” He beamed, turning to Jay. “I completely forgot his museum was here!” Xan said in a high pitched happy voice. Before Jay could respond, the excited boy pulled him through the entrance.

Around the museum Jay was merely tagging along, he could appreciate the pretty pictures but he was out of his element. Xan on the other hand was loving every second, admiring each painting and taking it all in. In this environment a wave of confidence washed over him, normally when he wondered something he would ask Jay or keep it to himself, but he boldly stepped up to one of the attendants and held a clear conversation about certain paintings in the gallery and some that he noticed were missing. Jay felt incredibly proud as it was a big step for Xan to hold a conversation with a stranger.

When all his questions were answered to his liking, Xan thanked the helpful worker and spun around with a wide grin to Jay. Bursting with pride, Jay put his arm around his little one and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. “You are such a smart boy.” Jay gushed as they held hands and made their way out.

His praise made Xan feel so thankful to have someone like Jay in his life and as they made their way back to their hotel, he was floating on a cloud of pure joy. Xan soon recognised the street with their hotel on and looked up at Jay. “Daddy? Where are we going now?”

“Well sweetie, I thought we could make a quick pitstop at our hotel, to get changed and then head out to find something yummy for dinner.” Jay explained. They made their way through the lobby smiling at the desk clerk and headed to the lift. Xan bounced forward to press it first, grinning as it lit up. Riding up to their floor, he leant against Jay, getting a cuddle while they waited. “Here we are.” Jay cheered, opening up the room door.

“Bear! Kimchi!” Xan yelled, dropping his bag down and diving onto the bed to greet his friends. “I missed you guys.” He said quietly, hugging them both tightly.

Jay let him snuggle for a few minutes while he got a change of clothes for them both and a fresh diaper for Xan. Laying out the diaper mat and all the supplies, he held his hand out to Xan. “Come on baby boy, let’s get you changed.” The little one wriggled off the bed with both friends firmly in his grip and rolled onto the mat. Smiling down at him, Jay pushed his boy’s paci between his lips before he shimmied his trousers off. It had been quite a few hours since Xan had been changed and the yellow tinged, drooping pad reflected that fact. Jay took his time, now that they were back in a comfortable setting, to clean, powder and re-diaper Xan.

They were both dressed in smarter clothes for their dinner together, Jay was in a light blue collared shirt, his dark blue blazer and chinos. And Xan wore his smart black trousers, long sleeved white tshirt and an olive jacket. With Xan putting on his eyeliner, he was ready to go. “Don’t you look amazing?” Jay beamed, holding his boy by the waist.

The two shared an intimate candlelit dinner together, at a romantic restaurant close by their hotel. Xan was trying his hardest to use his best table manners and not drop anything on his smart clothes. Jay of course noticed him concentrating when he had a fork full of food and gave him words of encouragement and reassurance throughout the meal. Xan did well, eating most of his dinner without any fuss and the two shared a chocolate brownie for dessert, although Jay ended up with the lions share.

“Thankyou for dinner Xan, you really didn’t need to pay.” Jay had his arm around Xan, keeping him close as they left the restaurant.

Xan looked up at him with a smile. “I know, I just wanted to treat you.”

Jay stopped and turned the boy to face him. “Well it was a perfect treat.” He leaned in and with his arms around him, kissed his soft rosy lips. “My beautiful boy.” After the kiss, Xan’s chest fluttered and his cheeks flushed pink as they made their way along the street. When Jay diverted them to a convenience shop, Xan looked a little confused. “I thought we could pick up a couple of drinks and snacks.” Jay explained to his puzzled companion.

With a bag full of sweet and savoury snacks and drinks for them both they headed back to the comfort of their hotel. The room had it’s own mini fridge that they could stock with their own food or drink. In the shop Jay had found Xan some apple juice which made the little one very happy and with two cartons safely in the fridge he wouldn’t run out anytime soon.

Jay sat with his shirt unbuttoned and his back against the headboard of the fancy bed, trying to get to grips with the room’s TV. Xan meanwhile, was in the bathroom prettying himself up to surprise his Daddy. He had put on a little light makeup, mainly to make himself feel more attractive as Jay loved him however he looked and then pulled the luxurious bath robe loosely around him. With it hanging off his shoulders, showing his silky smooth skin. “Jay.” His voice rippled.

Jay’s eyes nearly popped out of his head and a wide grin spread over his face. “Come.” Jay called him over. Xan let the bath robe fall to the floor, showing Jay the silky lingerie he had snuck into his luggage. “You are so beautiful.” Jay hummed, catching Xan as he leapt into his arms. Xan straddled Jay’s hips and gave him a sweet lingering kiss. Reaching over the edge of the bed, Xan’s lacy black briefs drifted to the floor.

…

“I didn’t hurt you did I baby?” Jay asked caressing his boys back.

“No, it was really good.” Xan purred, laying with his head on Jay’s chest as they relaxed. Jay pressed a kiss to the top of Xan’s head and brushed his fingers through his hair. “Mmmm.” Xan closed his eyes, enjoying the intimacy.

Jay stretched his arms above his head and brushed Xan’s hair, spotting his thumb creeping it’s way up to his mouth. “How about we go have a bath hm? Want to have a nice relaxing bath with Daddy?” Xan’s wide eyes looked up at Jay and he nodded with a sweet smile.

He filled the bath with warm bubbly water and went to get Xan, who was playing with Kimchi on the carpeted floor and watching the TV. “Sweetie, the bath’s ready.” He told his smiling boy and Xan held his arms up, wanting to be carried. Lifting his naked boy into his arms, he carried him into the bathroom, stopping by the door. “Do you want to try and pee before we get in?” Jay asked, trying to be cautious as Xan hadn’t been in a diaper in had been a while.

He sat Xan on the toilet and let him try, while he looked away, humming to himself and checked on the bath. “Good boy!” Jay praised, seeing Xan had managed to go. He climbed in the bath first, lounging back with his legs wide and invited Xan in with a smile.

Leaning back against Jay, Xan relaxed in the warm silky water. “Oooh it’s really relaxing.” He hummed, closing his eyes. The water melted away all their tension and soaked into their worn out bodies.

“Hey Siri? Play Xan’s playlist number 1.” Jay said, unable to hide his wide grin and the AI started playing Rooster by Alice In Chains.

Xan turned his head in confusion. “Hm?” He saw Jay had set his iPad on the unit by the sink to play music for him. With a huge smile, he turned in the bath. “Thanks!” He squeaked hugging Jay tightly.

“You’re most welcome sweetie.” Jay replied, stroking Xan’s damp hair.

The warmth flowed over them washing away the days activity and softening their skin. The shampoo’s white bubbly froth sitting on the top of the ripples as water rinsed down over both heads. Xan felt such a pure love for Jay that when he looked down at his petite hands, starting to wrinkle under the water, he wondered if he would ever be good enough.

“Jay?” Xan spoke softly. Looking up at Xan, Jay could tell he was feeling insecure, he had his arms close to his body covering his midsection, which was a sure sign. “I’m sorry I’m so much trouble. You shouldn’t have to deal with my problematic past or my issues with eating and I know there’s so much of me that isn’t good enough and I’m trying to change, I am. But I love you, with all my heart and I want to stay with you forever.” Xan’s voice started to crack and watery droplets filled his eyes.

Jay reached out, held Xan’s hands in his and gave him a sympathetic smile. “Sweetie, the only thing I would change is I’d take all your trouble and pain away. So I can make you as happy as you make me.”

After getting out, Jay dried himself and helped Xan. “I think I know how to make this night truly perfect.” He turned off his iPad and led Xan to the change mat. “Here beautiful.” Jay gently pushed the paci he brought with him between Xan’s lips, then carefully taped his freshly bathed boy into a cosy dragon PeekAbu. With Xan dressed in one of the onesies Jay had brought with them, he had one more surprise for his little one. Firstly he sat Xan on the bed with Bear and Kimchi and then went off to the fridge. Turning back moments later, he wiggled the bottle he had snuck in their luggage and had now filled with Xan’s favourite apple juice. “I know you said you didn’t need to bring it but I thought you might miss it after a while.”

Xan reached out his grabby hand as his eyes sparkled and Jay knew he had made the right choice. His paci dropped from his mouth onto the bed and he replaced it with his bottle, tasting the cool juice. Jay changed into his relaxing night time clothes and lounged back on the bed. “Come cuddle with Daddy.” He smiled, lifting Xan over into his lap.

The long day soon caught up with both little and big, lit by the quiet television flashing it’s colours around the room, they drifted off to a peaceful slumber. Xan was curled up in a fetal position and Jay wrapped his protective arm around him, holding him close.

…

On their four days in Paris, they hit all the major landmarks, the ruins of Notre Dame, Parc Monceau, the Pantheon, the Arc de Triumph (Which Xan was a little scared of because of the huge amount of traffic racing around the grand structure.) and of course the Louvre. Jay had also found different art galleries and museums around the city for Xan to enjoy, but found himself enjoying them just as much. One which they both particularly enjoying was the Louis Vuitton Foundation art museum. Xan was taken back by the architecture and the two sat in the large park together so he could sketch the impressive structure.

Xan took some fantastic pictures of their trip, both for inspiration and to show everyone back home. While Jay was happy to get a few of Xan smiling and posing infront of the places they went. They managed to pack in as much as possible on their 4 day trip and for their final activity Jay had a surprise planned.

“Okay sweetie, here’s the plan.” Jay said with a bright smile and his hands on his hips. “We can leave out bags here until our flight later tonight, but I have something planned for us to do in the meantime.”

Xan stood with Bear in his arms, looking up at Jay. “Where are we going?”

“You’ll see.” Holding his little one’s hand, they took a leisurely walk along the river. Xan had his backpack like always, but inside Bear had joined them for their surprise. Taking a walk together, in the quiet Parisienne streets was magical, whether they were chatting, joking around or walking in silence, just being together was enough.

“Woah! Are we going here?” Xan squeaked excitedly. With Jay’s nod of approval, they made their was into the Aquarium in the Trocadero Garden’s. Picking up the pace, the cheerful boy sped through the entrance.

“Good afternoon, I have a booking under Thompson.” Jay said speaking to the staff. Xan was expecting a normal walk around the aquarium, but Jay had booked him a special keeper for a day experience, to top off the perfect holiday.

“What!?” Xan squealed.

Jay chuckled, looking into his boys sparkling eyes. “Yep, we get to walk around with the keepers while they do feedings and talks and you can ask all the questions you want.” Xan could hardly contain himself, literally bouncing on the spot as Jay paid and got their passes. They put their jackets and backpack in the lockers provided and snapped a picture of the special shirts they were given for the day, Then with Bear joining them, they were ready to go. For the next few hours, Xan was like the Duracell Bunny, a bundle of pure energy. He helped feed and clean out some of the fish and even got to help out with the penguins.

The blond woman that led the pair had quite a task on her hands but managed to keep up with and answer Xan’s barrage of questions. Jay thanked her many times around their tour and was grateful she didn’t mention the fact Xan had Bear in his arms most of the time as it would make the happy boy revert to a shy subdued state and Jay wanted him to enjoy every second.

Through all his excitement, Xan did manage to get some fancy photos. All the tanks were filled with very beautiful lighting and plant life, which accented the fish swimming around. In one large tank Xan found something that he was scared of, a large moray eel, with it’s intimidating mouth full of razor sharp pointed teeth. “It’s alright.” Jay reassured him, gently stroking his shoulders.

Xan was floating of a cloud of happiness after leaving the aquarium. They made their way back to the hotel to fetch their luggage and were soon ready to head to the airport. “That was the best day everrr!” He sung, swinging Jays arm as they held hands.

“I’m so glad you had fun sweetie.” Jay beamed.

Xan followed Jay’s lead on their journey to the airport, feeling out of his element. He was nervous enough about travelling at home, let alone a foreign country. Sticking close through security and their waiting lounge, Xan’s anxiety levels were high. “Do you need a change before we fly little one?” Jay asked, patting Xan’s head. Seeing Xan start to nibble on his finger and bow his head shyly, Jay had his answer. He swiftly whisked him off to the family toilet, for their last diaper change in France. He knew Xan would start to feel little and be even more anxious about the flight in little mode, so he decided to get him talking. “Did you enjoy your first trip overseas?”

That simple question got Xan recalling his favourite holiday moments, working like a charm to distract him and keep his mind in adult mode while Jay made quick work of changing the soggy boy. Putting Xan in a simple white diaper, he powdered and taped him up securely. “That should last until we get home sweetie.”

The flight procedures were long and arduous, but afterwards they were soon in the air. Now Jay had hoped that Xan would come down from his high of the day and get a little sleep on the plane, to make bedtime back at home a little simpler. But the little one was still floating on a high from his amazing day, watching a movie on Jay’s iPad for the entire flight and even as they landed he was still a bundle of energy. They pulled their bags and made it through security without incident, then all that was left was to hail a taxi home, or so Xan thought.

Jay had gotten a phone call from Jenny before they got on the plane, not so much offering but telling them she was on her way to pick them up. Xan blissfully skipped through the parking lot, with a smile on his face and Jay in tow.

“Hm?” A loud whistle stopped him in his tracks and made his head swivel around. “Miss Jenny!!” He yelled, sprinting up to her and wrapping his arms around her.

“Hey Munchkin, how was it?” Jenny rubbed Xan’s back and waved to Jay as he came closer.

“It was so much fun! We did so much! We went up the tower and went to art galleries and we went for lots of fun walks and ate croissants, they were so tasty and we brought souvenirs too and had fancy food, I even spoke French to people and I took so many photos, I can show you soon annnddd I got to be a keeper at the aquarium for today!” While Xan excitedly recanted his holiday in record speed, Jenny gave Jay a hug and helped them put their luggage in the boot.

“My goodness, are you sure you only went for 4 days?” Jenny’s little joke made Xan giggle loudly as Jay belted him into the back seat. “Ready to go?”

“Yeah!” Xan cheered, lifting Bear into the air.

On the journey home, Xan told Jenny about everything he could remember about France and then passed the conversation baton to Jay. While Jay told Jenny about the aquarium in more detail, Xan’s energy levels neared empty and his head began to droop. “I think we have a sleepy little Munchkin.” Jenny said quietly, looking at the snoozing Xan sucking his thumb in her mirror. “Shall we wake him?”

“No it’s okay, I was hoping he’d sleep on the plane, but after that didn’t happen I knew he’d crash soon. He has had an enormously packed few days, I’m pretty sure he’ll sleep for quite a while.” Jay reached into the backseat, replacing Xan’s thumb with his paci and repositioning Bear so he didn’t fall. “Thanks for picking us up by the way.”

“That’s alright, I thought it would be much comfier than a taxi.”

“You’re so good to us.” Jay smiled, thankful to have a friend like Jenny. “Did Daisy not want to come?”

“Oh no, that young madam is grounded and she had better be in bed by now.” Jenny said with a stern hint in her tone.

“Should I ask?” Jay smirked. Jenny gave him a side glance frown. “Heh heh alright I’ll shush.” He chuckled. “Did you get my recommendation through?”

Jenny grinned to herself. “Well I didn’t want to steal Munchkin’s thunder, but…” She checked in her mirror to make sure Xan was still sleeping before continuing. “I am now a nursery teacher.” She said with a wide smile.

“Yay, I told you, you could do it!” Jay’s excitement raised his volume, stirring Xan. With a little grumble for the little one, Jay looked back silently cursing himself. When he settled back down, he let out a ‘phew’. The two friends continued chatted quietly for the next hour, until they finally reached the boys home. Jenny helped carry the suitcases inside, setting them down in the living room. “Do you want to stay for a drink?”

“No no, you should get him to bed and rest. I’ll pop by tomorrow for lunch.” She chuckled. “Plus I should check on my little troublemaker.”

She followed Jay out to the car, while he unbuckled Xan out of his seat. “Sweetie, we’re home.” He said in a soft voice. The little one peeked through squinted eyes and reached out to his Daddy. “Up we go baby boy. Say thankyou to Jenny.”

He lifted Xan into his arms, letting him lay his head on his shoulder and turned him to where she was standing. “T’anky’u.” He murmured quietly.

“You’re welcome sweetpea.” Jenny smiled, patting his back. “Have a good night guys. See you soon.” With a kiss to Jay’s cheek she took her leave and headed home.

Carrying Xan inside, Jay decided to forego the unpacking and take his tired boy straight upstairs. “I had a really good time Daddy, did you?” Xan said, stretching and rubbing his eyes as he laid on the change mat, stripped of his traveling clothes.

Jay took longer cleaning and changing Xan, now they were back in a comfortable safe place. “I’m so glad sweetie. It was perfect little one, I feel so refreshed already.” Jay gently cleaned Xan’s soft rear, before slipping a thick pride diaper under him. “Let’s get you ready for bed beautiful, I think we could both use a nice long sleep.” Taping Xan closed, Jay looked down at the exhausted boy with a smile and lifted him into his arms. The little one was so worn out he was almost dead weight, laying him on the familiar smelling covers, Xan curled up and fell straight to sleep. Jay couldn’t help but chuckle as he crawled into bed next to him, pulling the covers over them both it was the end of an incredible day.


	19. A Ghost From The Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Inspired by Xan, Daisy tries to improve her cooking and Jay meets someone from deep in Xan's past

In the early hours of the morning the sky was still dark and the dull green glow of Jay’s alarm clock was the only light in their cosy bedroom. But while Jay slept soundly, next to him Xan was having a rough night. Twisting and turning beads of sweat covered his light skin as his head thrashed from side to side on the pillow. “Nnnn no…” His quiet groans and whimpers went unheard as the nightmare tormented his sleep. Suddenly he bolted upright, gasping for breath. Xan’s heart pumped hard in his chest and his eyes popped achingly wide. “Just a dream… that’s all, just… a dream.” Xan whispered to himself, tears filling his eyes.

He silently slipped from under the covers, leaving a damp patch on his side of the bed. In the bathroom, Xan stripped off his wet tshirt and dropped it into washing hamper, then tying his hair back he ran the tap, he looked at himself in the mirror and watched a single tear roll down his cheek. Splashing his face with the cooling water, the freshness washed away the uneasy feeling from his troubling night and he let out a relaxing sigh.

Xan headed to his playroom to change his very wet diaper, the stress again playing havoc with his very weak bladder. Washing himself clean, he laid down and fumbled with the tapes of his fresh diaper. “I wish Jay was helping me…” Xan grumbled to himself, but he didn’t want to disturb Jay’s sleep, knowing how hard he works.

Now wide awake, Xan slipped into some comfy clothes and headed downstairs. He poured himself a drink and on his way to the TV, happily discovered the puppy plush that Jay had first brought him, sitting on the sofa and waiting for him. It made him smile as he dropped onto the bouncy pillows. “Puppy.” Xan smiled, holding the soft toy to his cheek.

After a few minutes of TV, Xan couldn’t find anything he was interested in, so decided to start on his new piece of work. “Aaahh.” He stretched, letting out a relaxing sigh and scanned over his new brief. “Let’s see then, hm… du, muh, duh du… okay.” Xan hummed as he read what he had to do, then moved over to his art shelves to see what he had in stock.

Minutes later Jay’s alarm began ringing, stirring him from a deep sleep. Opening up his eyes, Jay leaned over and turned off his alarm, then suddenly became aware of the empty bed. “Hm? Xan?” His tired voice quietly croaked. On his way to the bathroom, Jay poked his head in the playroom, looking out for Xan. After his morning wash, he headed downstairs for his much needed coffee and to continue his hunt for Xan.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, Jay saw the light was on in Xan’s artroom and poked his head around the door frame. “Are you alright sweetie? You’re up very early.” Jay spoke softly and wrapped his arms around Xan’s midsection.

Xan leaned into him and smiled. “Couldn’t sleep.” Putting his sketch down, Xan turned and cuddled Jay tight. “I didn’t want to wake you.”

“Sweetie, you can always wake me up, I don’t mind.” Jay beamed, brushing Xan’s hair with his fingers.

“Would you like me to make you breakfast?” Xan asked, wanting to treat his man.

“A breakfast from my favourite chef? How could I say no?” Jay chuckled, gently kissing his soft lips. Standing infront of his coffee machine, Jay watched it slowly pour into the waiting mug, while Xan looked through the fridge to find the ingredients he wanted. Sipping his coffee, Jay watched as Xan started on breakfast. “I’m just going to get dressed back in a flash.” With another kiss to Xan’s cheek, Jay headed upstairs.

The smell of Xan’s cooking followed Jay as he rushed to get himself ready. It was strangely different to get dressed for work, without needing to be quiet around his sleeping boy. “Xan it smells so good down here.” He called out reaching the bottom of the stairs again. Turning with a smile, Xan pursed his lips, silently asking for another kiss and making Jay chuckle. “What a lovely surprise, I’m getting this morning.”

Xan mixed the eggs with a little cheese, salt, pepper and some cubed ham pieces, then after toasting some bread, he served Jay his special breakfast. The almost orgasmic sounds coming from Jay as he ate his breakfast made Xan giggle and feel a proud sense of accomplishment. “I’m glad you’re enjoying it.” Xan chuckled.

“Sweetie, you are the best little chef ever! That was the perfect start to the day.” Jay gushed, reaching over the table to stroke his hand. Upon checking the watch Xan had gifted him, Jay saw it was time for work. “Oh! Daddy has to go to work now, can I get a cuddle before I go?”

With a bright smile on his face, Xan hopped up and wrapped his arms tightly around Jay’s stomach, laying his head against him. “Bye Daddy. Have a good day at work.”

Jay squeezed Xan back, lifting him off the floor and making him giggle. “Ooooh, thankyou sweetie.” With a last kiss goodbye, Jay picked up his backpack and turned to leave. “I’ll be back a little earlier today. Be good little one, love you.” Being in extra high spirits, Jay had a spring in his step as he headed to the hospital.

By mid-afternoon Jay was still in good spirits as he sat texting Jenny on his break, filling her on his fantastic morning and finalizing everything for her visit. Taking inspiration from Xan, Daisy had been trying to improve her cooking skills and was overjoyed when Jay suggested that she try it out with them. Daisy would be bringing her roasted beef and special potatoes and had asked Xan if he would do the vegetables for her. Partly because Xan was talented at everything culinary and partly so she could focus on her main dishes.

Jenny: I won’t be home til 6ish. I’ll freshen up, pick up madam and head over

Jay: Sounds good, I have a new bottle of wine for us to try too.

Jenny: Ooo lovely, I’ll make sure Daisy drives lol

Jay smirked reading Jenny’s reply and looked up to see Tina coming into the room. “Jay, we need you in room 5 please.” He swiftly followed her back to the patient in need, making small talk with his friend on the short walk. Luckily for Jay, it wasn’t anything serious and after a brief medication change, he headed to his office to fill in his paperwork.

Something was niggling at him though. “Hm… still no reply.” Xan hadn’t replied to his last message and a good half an hour had passed by. While it could be something as simple as him just being busy, Jay had that thought in the back of his mind that something could be wrong again. Thankfully however it was soon time to go home and hopefully put his fears to rest.

“Xan? Sweetie?” Jay called out, opening the front door and expecting Xan to run into his arms like he always did, but he didn’t appear. Dropping his backpack, the feeling of panic began building. Jay leapt into action, set on finding his boy. Happily these feelings soon evaporated on his first stop as he looked into Xan’s artroom. “Oh baby boy.” Jay chuckled and sighed, seeing Xan fast asleep at his desk, his paintbrush still in his hand and his weary head resting on folded arms. After his very early morning, Xan hadn’t been able to stay awake as long as he planned.

He smiled down at his sleepy boy, taking the paintbrush from him and dropping it into the jar of water on Xan’s desk. Taking a moment to look at his little ones new piece of work, Jay smiled with pride and lifted his sleeping boy into his arms, cuddling him tight. “Up we go sweetie.”

Xan stirred as he Jay held him. “Daddy?” He weakly whispered, nestling into the crook of his neck.

“Yeah baby, I’m back from work now, shall we go snuggle for a while? Hm?” Jay gently rocked Xan as he carried him out of his artroom and up the stairs. Xan laid curled up on the bed, while Jay changed out of his work clothes and into something a lot comfier. Looking at his sweet boy snuggled on the bed, Jay was sure he would need a diaper change before they headed to the cuddle chair.

When Jay laid Xan on his change mat, the little one crossed his arms over his eyes, blocking the bright light. Xan’s normal home clothes of shorts and tshirt, were easy for Jay to slip off and get to his soggy diaper. With a smile on his face, Jay quickly disposed of the Tena and slipped a thick Little Paws in it’s place. “Okay little one, almost finished.” Jay told Xan as he started to stir. He powdered and snugly taped his diaper closed, before lifting him up and settling in the cuddle chair. “We’ll just cuddle for a while baby, you have a little sleep.” Jay kissed Xan’s cheek, smelling the boys distinct strawberry scented shampoo as he rested on his shoulder.

Jay texted and flipped through his social media, while Xan rested. Being home earlier than usual, meant he had a lot more time with Xan and also had time to snuggle before the girls were due over. After some time, Xan’s eyes crept open, blinking innocently at Jay. “Hi.” His tired voice croaked.

Jay turned with a smile and brushed Xan’s long hair out of his face. “Hi baby, did you have a nice sleep?”

“Mmm… what time is it?” Xan asked, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes.

“Not quite 6 yet.” Jay replied, smiling at his cute sleepy boy.

Xan gave him a shy look, rubbing his arm. “Do we have time to… maybe… fool around?”

Jay grinned widely, before planting a soft kiss on Xan’s lips. “You’re so cute when you’re shy.” With his arousal rising, Xan blushed and let out a shy squeak. “Come with me.” Jay said, standing and leading him to the bedroom.

…

After showering Xan got himself dressed and headed downstairs to make a start on the vegetables for dinner, while Jay jumped in the shower. Soon after when Jay made his way to the kitchen, he found Xan chopping and preparing his share of the dinner. Snaking his hands around Xan’s stomach, he cuddled him from behind, pressing a kiss to the top of his boys head as he peered at his progress. “You’re such a talented boy.” His praise made Xan giggle, enjoying the feeling of Jay holding him. “Are you almost finished? Daddy wants to cuddle.” Jay asked, in a little role reversal, he was the one feeling needy.

Leaving the pan full and ready to cook, Xan spun around with a bright smile, that made Jay’s heart flutter. “Done now!” He cheered. Seconds later Jay got just what he wanted. He relaxed on the sofa with Xan straddling his lap as they snuggled for a while before the girls were due.

After the girls arrived, they put Daisy’s beef in the oven to finish and steamed the vegetables Xan had prepared and a short time later everyone was ready to eat.

When Daisy finished telling them about her fun day cooking, Jay noticed Xan was pushing his food around his plate. “Everything alright sweetie?” He whispered. Xan looked up at him with a little pout and motioned for Jay to come closer. After Xan whispered in his ear, Jay’s mouth wrinkled as he smirked. “Okay.” Being given the go ahead, Xan happily gasped and sped off upstairs.

“Is he okay?” Jenny mouthed, giving Jay a puzzled look.

Taking another bite of perfect braised beef, he nodded with a smile. “He wanted Bear. It helps his appetite if eats with him.” Jay explained.

Jenny sipped her wine and smiled. “That’s adorable.” Jenny put her knife and fork together on her empty plate and turned to her left. “Well Daze, that was flippin’ marvellous. Well done!” Jenny smiled, tipping her glass to her girl.

Daisy looked up and grinned. “It tur’e’ ou’ rea’’y goo’! I ‘asn’t su’e i’…”

The two adults tried not to laugh at her overstuffed mouth. “Finish your mouthful first please.” Jenny told her with a more serious tone.

Just then Xan returned and sat back at the table with Bear in his lap. Daisy finished her mouthful and tried again. “It turned out really good, I didn’t know if it was going to be good but I like it!” She turned to her returning friend with a smile. “Do you like it Xan?” Daisy asked, eager to get his opinion.

With Bear in his lap, Xan felt confident once more. “Mhmm! It’s really nice, you cooked the beef nice and slow, so it just falls apart. I knew you could cook!” Xan smiled sweetly, giving his honest opinion.

Daisy put on a massive grin. “Thanks Xan!”

The four quietened down, calming the atmosphere and allowing Xan to try eating a bit more of his modest dinner, they knew Xan struggled and were always willing to try to help him in any way they could. A new technique Xan’s therapist had found, to help him with his eating, was to have Bear sat with him during dinner. Something about his much loved friend being with him, eased some of the anxiety he felt. Jay had also spoken with Dr Taylor and she had suggested that as Xan was deep into his therapy, he should try to minimalise his role to do with Xan’s eating.

While Jay tried not to watch Xan too much, he found himself smiling as Xan tucked into his tasty dinner, managing almost all of it. He put his cutlery down and looked up to Jay nervously, for his approval. “You did so good sweetie.” Jay said with a proud smile.

“Can we have dessert?” Daisy asked excitedly, spinning around and looking at Jenny.

Jenny saw Xan’s fearful expression and quickly defused his tension. “Uh… I think we should all let our wonderful meal settle down first.” Jay gave her a thankful smile and started to clear the table.

“Jay? Can I choose a movie to watch?” Daisy called louder than needed. She really liked Jay’s entertainment centre and had been bugging Jenny for a smart TV like the boys had, taking any opportunity to play with it.

“Sure, nothing scary though okay?” Jay said looking back to the smiling girl. Daisy gave him a nod and headed off to browse the movies on offer.

Jenny set her wine glass on the table and stood. “I had better follow her.” Walking past Xan she gave him a wink and pat on top of his head, silently adding her own praise. Xan felt elated, looking at Jay with a bright smile printed on his face.

“Hey missy-moo, find anything yet?” Jenny dropped onto the large L-shaped sofa next to Daisy and wrapped her arm around her.

With her eyes still fixed on the large flatscreen she leaned into Jenny’s touch. “Mmm not yet.” After a few moments she turned to face her. “Can we get onnneeeee?”

Jenny chuckled at her whines and cocked her head. “What did we say?”

“That if I could save up and not spend it on toys, we could get one.” Daisy replied with a sulky pout.

Jenny smiled and reached her hand out, stroking Daisy’s cheek. “Don’t pout Daze. You’ve been doing really well and I know you’re trying so… how about when Mummy gets paid this month, I will give you the rest.”

Before Jenny had finished speaking Daisy dropped the remote and flung her arms around Jenny. “Really!? Thankyou!!”

Back in the kitchen, Xan sat ontop the table with Bear in his lap, while Jay rinsed the plates and Daisy’s oven dish, so she could take it home. “Okay… ready to watch with the girls?” He asked Xan as he dried his hands.

“Can we take them a slice of cake?” Xan asked, knowing Daisy would enjoy the sweet treat.

Jay smiled. “What a good idea! You are such a thoughtful boy.” With a kiss to Xan’s cheek, he cut two slices of the fresh Victoria sponge, placing each on a small plate. “Can you carry one for me? I’ll bring the other and Bear for you.” Jay asked, stroking Xan’s head. With a little nod and a smile, Xan hopped off the table and carefully carried the plate into Daisy.

“Wow! Thanks Xan! It looks so yummy.” Daisy bellowed delighted with his offering. She gently took the plate from Xan and in one swift movement took a modest sized bite, remembering her manners. While Xan grinned watching Daisy, Jay handed Jenny her own slice and got a polite thankyou in response. “Isn’t it good?!” She asked Jenny with a wide smile. “I picked Spiderman to watch, is that okay Jay?”

“Oh yeah, sounds good to me.” Jay replied, sitting in his favourite spot on their sofa. While Daisy played the film, Xan bounced across the room and sat next to him. Jay swooped Bear and landed him in Xan’s lap, eliciting a sweet giggle.

As they all watched Spiderman: Homecoming, the girls snuggled up together and Jay lounged in his spot, stroking Xan’s back. Xan however sat cross legged, leaning forward, completely captivated by the movie. Jay looked over at the girls and Jenny mouthed ‘I think he’s enjoying it’ with a kind smile on her face. He hadn’t seen many superhero movies before, but Xan was pleasantly surprised by Daisy’s choice.

When the credits began to roll, Xan turned around to Jay and the others. “That was really good!” He cheeped excitedly. “Can we watch another one like that? You don’t have to go yet, right?” Xan’s eyes almost begged him friends to stay.

Before Jenny could reply, Daisy piped up. “Yeah! Let’s watch Thor, it’s really good I think you’ll like it.”

Jenny looked over at Jay a little unsure if it was okay to stay longer, but Jay just smiled. “Let’s have another glass of wine.” He suggested, patting Jenny’s arm. While Daisy found the movie, Jay got a round of drinks for everyone, first putting two glasses of wine down, then a sippy cup of juice for both Daisy and Xan.

Watching intently as Thor tried to retrieve his beloved Mjolnir, Xan’s eyelids were starting to feel heavy. Try as he might, Xan was losing the fight to stay awake and as he laid with his head in Jay’s lap, his eyes closed. “Uh uh uh, not yet sweetie.” Jay said lifting Xan upright, he didn’t want him falling asleep too early, otherwise it would almost certainly lead to another poor nights sleep. Sitting Xan in his lap to keep him upright, Jay was on hand to keep him awake.

After the films credits began to roll, the girls gathered up their things and got ready to leave. “That wine was really nice, might be my new favourite actually.” Jenny said, reading the label.

“I knew you would approve.” Jay smiled, holding onto Xan’s shoulders.

Jenny could see the little one was fighting hard to stay awake and she gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m glad you enjoyed the movies munchkin.” Jenny said, gently patting his head. Xan looked up with his very tired eyes and mouth slightly open. “Jay take this boy to bed, he needs a nice long sleep.” She ordered jokingly, leaving her hand on Xan’s soft hair.

“Yes ma'am.” He chuckled. Lifting Xan into his arms, he supported him under his rear and felt him nuzzle into his neck. “This was fun. Daisy, you’ve got a bright future, I can’t wait for you to cook for us again.”

Daisy put her finger to her lip. “Hm I don’t know, maybe I should retire with a perfect record.” She said, making Jenny laugh, but Daisy could tell she didn’t agree. “Hey one good meal is still a record.”

Then a quiet voice came from up on Jay’s shoulder. “Please cook for us again.” Xan said sweetly, sounding very tired.

Daisy and Jenny let out a joint ‘Awww’ at Xan’s cute request. “Damn it Xan… fine fine, I’ll keep cooking.” Daisy relented with a smirk on her face.

Jenny stretched her arms upward. “I think I’m about ready for bed. So we’ll take our leave, if you don’t mind.” She said with a smile.

With the girls heading home, it was finally time for Xan to go to bed. Jay carried his sleepy boy up the stairs, with Bear too and headed to the playroom for Xan’s nighttime change. With Jay’s help he had managed to stay awake until 10pm, but as he lay on the change mat letting Jay slip a fresh Cushies on him, he lost his fight. “All don… Oh sweetie, you were tired, weren’t you?” Jay chuckled, lifting the sleeping boy into his arms.

Laying Xan down softly in the bed, he pulled the plush covers over him and gently tucked him in. He was already fast asleep, not even stirring when Jay pressed a kiss to his forehead. Throwing off his clothes, Jay slipped into his night wear and as the wine caught up with him, he soon fell asleep.

…

When Jay awoke, he happily found Xan sprawled out next to him, in a starfish position on his stomach. He made a quick attempt to move Xan’s long hair from his face, before leaving him to sleep. Breezing through his morning routine, he stood at the bedroom door, smiling at Xan as he threw his backpack over his shoulder. “Sleep tight sweetie.” He whispered.

The rain outside tapped rhythmically on the window as Xan stirred. Opening up his eyes, he stretched his body out, letting out a high pitched groan and smacked his dry lips. After getting changed, he grabbed his phone to message Jay.

X: Hi Daddy! I slept great last night, I was really comfy. I hope you’re having a good day, maybe we could go out for dinner tonight my treat xxx

Reading Xan’s message put a wide smile on Jay’s face, which came at the perfect time after the hectic day he had been having. Three new patients had arrived needing treatment and being short staffed, they were rushed off their feet. Even his friend Tina who thrived on being busy was feeling the strain. “It’s hard to believe it’s only half 11.” She said, writing on the chart in her hands.

“I know, but hopefully after everyone is fully transferred, it’ll ease up.” Jay smiled, trying to stay optimistic.

With a pat on his shoulder, Tina tilted her head. “Keep thinking that. Oh and if I get more than 30 seconds with you, I’d love to know how you and your little cutie are doing. But right now, I’m needed in room 2 again.”

As she headed off, alarms began to sound from room 3 and Jay rushed in to see what was happening. “Her levels are dropping again?!” He said in disbelief. For the next couple of hours he sat in with his patient trying to figure out the best way to treat her. When she was stable, Jay sat looking at her with his head resting on his fist, something about her was familiar. She kind of looked like Xan, her hair was similar, straight, black and long, her skin was the same subtle shade as Xan’s and even her facial structure had striking similarities. Coming back from room 2, Tina poked her head in on Jay to check how the patient was doing. Jay beckoned her over and asked. “Look at her for me, do you see what I see?”

Looking a little puzzled, Tina entered the room and looked down at the woman in the bed. “Hm, a female, 40’s, dark hair… I don’t know, what am I looking for?” She asked, shaking her head.

Jay was trying to work things out in his head, but was almost sure of it. “Tell me she doesn’t look like Xan.”

Tina’s eyes opened wide as she scanned over the woman a second time, before reading her chart. “Oh… the surname is different though.”

“I know, but she could have married or any number of things.” Jay rationalised, standing beside Tina.

“I thought Xan was in care?” Tina said looking up at Jay with a bewildered look.

“He was.”

“Oh shit… but hey we shouldn’t jump to conclusions right? Just because she looks a bit like him and is the right kind of age, it might be nothing. Right? I mean I look a bit like this lady who lives next door but we just have the same haircut I think, I mean it’s quite popular so...” Tina always began to ramble when she got nervous.

Jay rubbed his chin, thinking how to proceed. “It would say in her medical records if she has given birth wouldn’t it?” But a beep from his watch meant Jay had to leave to head off to his next patient, so Tina offered to look up the records and speak to him on their break later in the afternoon. “Thankyou Tina.” He pulled his phone out on his walk to message Xan, needing to touch base and check he was okay.

Back at home, blissfully unaware of the situation developing at the hospital, Xan had begun painting his next commission and with Iron Maiden playing, he was in high spirits. A little while later, he had made a good start and was ready for a break and a change. Leaving his art to dry, he bounded up the stairs, humming a tune as he did. “Hey Bear!” Xan called out happily, seeing his friend sat ontop of the drawers in his playroom. Lifting his friend into his arms, he gave him a big squeeze. His eyes were drawn to red paci that was sat behind Bear and in that instant his desire grew.

As he laid back with the paci now between his lips, he swiftly stripped off his wet Tena and slipped the comfy Peek Abu under his rear. With a cloud of powder around him, he sung to himself. “One tape, two tape, three tape, four!” Xan giggled to himself and crawled over to his draw full of onesies, rummaging through. “This one!” He cheered, pulling off his tshirt and replaced it with the rainbow paw printed onesie he had picked.

Seconds later the floor was covered in hundreds of pieces of lego, while Xan built a super sized zoo/rocket launch site. Humming along to the radio, he clicked the little coloured bricks together and bounced happily on his cushioned bum, when his phone buzzed, playing the happy anime shine sound. “Hm?” Xan turned his head towards his discarded shorts and crawled towards them. “Daddy!” He cheeped, excited to hear from his favourite person.

X: Hi Daddy! Yeah! I did lots of work an now me n Bear are playing legos and we’re building a big zoo an rocket so theanimals can each have a turn to fly! xxx

Jay smiled at his reply, feeling relieved Xan was having fun and a little surprised to hear he was feeling so little. A twinge of longing hit him deep inside, wanting to hold Xan and watch his carefree boy playing so innocently.

J: That sounds like lots of fun Sweetie! Maybe Daddy can play tonight too?

“Jay!” Tina called out, waving him over. “Come and look at this, what was Xan’s date of birth?” She had found the woman’s records did in fact reveal she had given birth almost 26 years ago. Jay read the screen in complete shock, the dates lined up, this was it, the woman in the bed was Xan’s birth mother.

Feeling unsure, he looked to Tina for guidance. “Do I tell him?” Jay’s voice cracked a little as he whispered. Having never faced such a dilemma before, Jay was torn, on one hand he felt compelled to tell Xan everything, but he also wanted to protect him. There must have been a reason she hadn’t tried to contact Xan in his lifetime or vice-versa. After sitting down with Tina, Jay was still undecided on what to do, but what he really wanted, was to speak to the woman and see what kind of person she was.

He hovered around her room for the remainder of his shift, checking to see if she would wake up before his shift ended. But as it ticked over to 7pm, it was evident that he would not get to speak to her today, leaving everything up in the air and so many questions unanswered.

Arriving home, he opened the front door still working things over in his head, but stepping over the threshold, he pushing those problems aside, just in time to see Xan barrelling down the stairs towards him. “Hi Sweetie!” The door closed behind him as Xan flung his arms around him. “Ooooh, it sounded like you’ve had a fun day.” Jay buried his face into Xan’s fluffy hair, smelling his comforting scent.

“Yep! It’s been a good day.” Xan smiled. “Do you want to come see my lego’s?”

“More than anything.” Jay replied, stroking Xan’s back. He could tell Xan wasn’t in full little mode anymore, most likely psyching himself up for their outing, but he still pulled Jay along, excited to show him his creation. “Wow, you’ve been busy!” He sat with a smile printed on his face, watching Xan point out and explain all the different parts of his revolutionary zoo/rocket tour hybrid.

“… and then they can take it in turns, riding the rocket, that you have to help build, around the house and even high up to space!” Xan explained, pointing up to the sky. “If you want to, we can start building after we come back from the restaurant.” He asked, twirling his foot.

“Sounds like fun.” Jay chuckled, ruffling Xan’s hair. “Shall we get ready Sweetie? Where are we going?” He asked, intrigued with what Xan had planned.

Xan smiled and nodded. “I was thinking Japanese?” Xan said slowly, unsure if Jay agreed.

Jay grabbed Xan in a cuddle and kissed his cheek. “Mmm sounds good to me. Let’s put you in a fresh diaper first.” Feeling the need to be close to Xan, he laid him down on his back. Undoing his onesie, he discarded Xan’s wet Peek Abu and replaced it with a comfy and more discreet Tena, ready for their dinner. He scooped Xan up and flew him to the bed, making him giggle sweetly. Jay put on a smart light blue shirt with an open collar and his slim tan coloured chinos, before adjusting his most prized possession, the necklace Xan gave him on his 30th birthday. “How do I look?” Jay asked, spinning around to face Xan.

“Daddy, you always look great.” He smiled, buttoning his lilac shirt.

“Aw well aren’t you sweet.” Jay gushed. “Are you ready?”

“Mmm almost.” Xan replied, hopping off to apply his makeup in the bathroom. Jay stood, leaning on the doorframe watching Xan skilfully brush on the cosmetics that made him feel more confident. Adding his final touch of a light lip gloss, Xan checked himself in the mirror. “What do you think?” He asked Jay.

Placing his hands on Xan’s hips, Jay moved close. “You look beautiful Xan.” Making his boy blush in his arms.

At the restaurant Xan had booked, they sat and ordered drinks, before studing the menu intently, to see what was on offer. Xan brought his cuddly friend Kimchi, who was sat between them in their booth, hidden just enough so he wasn’t in full view, but Xan could still see and stroke him. “I think I’ll have the chilli prawn ramen, that sounds yummy.” He grinned, but looking up, he noticed Jay wasn’t paying attention. “Jay?”

“Hm?”

“Are you okay? You seem kind of out of it.” Xan asked, feeling concerned.

Jay reached over and stroked Xan’s hand. “I’m sorry Sweetie, I just have something on my mind at work. But I’m here, I’m here.” Reassuring Xan he was okay, Jay ordered their food and happily listened to Xan as he chatted about everything from his new work, to the movies he had found for them to watch.

But as they ate and shared their food together, the niggling thought in the back of Jay’s mind pushed it’s way forward once more. Bringing himself back to the present he saw Xan staring at him once again. “Huh?”

“Jay you’re really distracted tonight, what’s going on?” Xan was worried again, but Jay had decided he needed to know. After Xan paid, Jay took him out to the bench in the quiet grassy area opposite the restaurant. He sat gazing up at Jay quizzically, holding Kimchi tightly in his lap.

“Okay.” Jay began, letting out a sigh. “Something strange happened at work today and I didn’t really know what I should do. But after thinking hard, I feel you have a right to know.” Jay swallowed the lump in his throat and gently rubbed Xan’s knee. “A patient was transferred to my department today, who I think is… your birth mother.”

“Woah…” Xan sat in shock for a few short minutes, unsure of what he was feeling. “I don’t know what I’m supposed to do.” He said, looking up at Jay.

“Well Sweetie, you don’t need to do anything. But I just though you had a right to know.” Jay smiled, trying to reassure him.

After hugging Xan, Jay abruptly stood up. “Where are you going?” He asked.

With his hand out to Xan, Jay beamed a warm smile. “We’ve got a rocket ship to build.” Watching Xan’s smile return, Jay walked hand in hand with his boy and drove home. At home, Jay once again scooped him into his arms and carried him upstairs. Laughing and silly noises filled the room as Jay got his little one changed into a thick comfy diaper and his Daddy’s boy onesie. “I love you Xan.” Jay said, looking at his boy laying on the change mat before him.

Reaching his arms out, he grinned as Jay lifted him up. “I love you too Daddy.” After an extended snuggly cuddle, Xan crawled over to his lego’s and motioned him over. “Come build Daddy.” Feeling a deep warmth for Xan, Jay scooted over behind Xan and hugged him. Together they constructed a tall multi coloured rocket, that had a wide body necessary to fit all the different sized animals, so everyone was able to ride. Xan also requested fins on three sides at the bottom and a ‘super cool’ point on the top.

Jay was relieved Xan wasn’t sad about his news, but was a little puzzled that Xan didn’t seem to react much at all. “Wow Sweetie, that is an amazing rocket! Who gets the first ride?” He asked nuzzling his little one. Sucking his paci, Xan reached over and pulled a little notepad on which he had previously written in crayon, his order of animals. “You are such a cutie.” Jay chuckled, pressing a kiss to Xan’s temple.

…

The next day while sitting at his desk, Xan was trying to make progress on his art, but his mind wandered back to Jay’s revelation. A growing part of him wanted to know more, if she was in fact his mother, why did she give him up? Why did she never try to see him? Where had she been all these years? “Ugh…” He groaned, setting his paintbrush down and pulling out his phone. Hesitating for a moment he tapped the green phone next to Jay’s name.

“Hey Sweetie! This is a nice surprise, is everything okay?”

“Er… I guess, I was just thinking… about the er, well about your patient.” Xan paused and sucked in a breath. “Does she even know I exist?”

Jay felt his pain as it echoed through his voice. “Xan… don’t feel sad. If you like I could try speaking to her for you?”

Xan wiped a tear from his eye and raised his head.“You could? W-w-what can you ask her? Can you tell me what she’s like? Does she look like me? What’s her name? Did she…”

Jay cut him off, in an attempt to calm him. “Okay okay, slow down Sweetie, she’s very sick right now. But I will try to talk to her this afternoon.” He could feel his protective urge building again. “Xan you have to listen to me for a moment. Baby I know this is a big deal okay? But you have to realise that she might not want to talk to me…. Or you. We don’t know what kind of person she is, so I want you to be prepared.”

For a moment Xan was silent, thinking over what Jay had said. “Alright. But if she is okay… do you think… I would be able to meet her?”

…

Later in the afternoon, Xan was able to get back to his painting and was feeling much more relaxed after getting that off his chest. Jay on the other hand was psyching himself up to speak to the woman, named Jule, who was at the centre of all this. Entering the room, he first checked her chart and noticed she had all the signs of an intravenous drug user, the track marks on her arms were in various stages of healing, she had hepatitis C and an infection that was being tested. “I’m Dr Thompson, how are you feeling?”

Twirling something in her hand, Jule sniffed and flicked her eyes from the window to Jay and back again. “I’ve felt better.”

After doing everything he needed and with his heart thumping in his chest, Jay eased himself down into the chair. “Actually there was something I wanted to talk to you about. I think I know… your son.”

Rolling her head, Jule glanced at Jay through squinted eyes. “Sorry, haven’t got any kids.”

Jay cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “In your records, it says you gave birth 26 years ago and gave the baby up for adoption…” He said softly, looking into her eyes.

With her arms by her side, Jule’s glassy eyes opened a little wider. “What is this?” She said, immediately going on the defensive.

Jay explained briefly everything about how he recognised her and found the dates lined up, then simply sat and listened as she spoke. At 15, she had given birth and sent the child away to give it a better chance at life than she could provide. Jule had soon fallen into drugs at a young age and drifted from place to place without a plan. At many different points in her life she claimed to have thought of Xan and wondered how and what he was doing, but due to her circumstances and her shame, she hadn’t tried to contact him. With her drugs taking centre point of her life for so many years, her body was beginning to struggle. Her nails and hair were brittle and her body was adorned with sores from where she hadn’t taken care of herself.

After their discussion Jay was actually pleasantly surprised by Jule, she was still quite a cold woman, but she was very truthful with him. “I know it’s quite a big ask and you have every right to refuse, but he did ask if he could possibly meet you…”

Jule turned her face to the side and gazed out of the window once more, a look of worry covering her face, a look Jay had seen Xan pull before. “I guess I owe him that much.” She said, feeling a little unsure.

…

Xan stretched his arms out, having just finished a solid couple of hours painting, when he saw the lights of Jay’s SUV flash past the window. Letting out a little happy gasp, he bolted for the front door and opened it wide. “Hi Daddy!” He squeaked happily.

Jay lifted Xan up and spun him around, giving him a cuddle. “Oooh hi Sweetie.” Setting Xan back on his feet, he kissed the top of his head and slipped off his shoes. “How was your day?” Xan happily told Jay about his day, following him upstairs as he got changed. With Jay now in his much comfier clothes, he turned to see Xan sprawled out on the bed. His shirt was riding up, showing off his light skin and revealing the crinkly white waistband of his diaper that poked out of his trousers. “Do you need a change little one?”

Xan rubbed his eye with one hand and nodded slowly. “Can we have a movie night?” He asked, walking slowly with Jay to the playroom.

Looking through the draws, Jay flipped through the diapers and pulled out a comfy little paws. “I think that sounds like a great idea.” Jay smiled at his little one and as he started to change him, he could tell Xan was dying to know about Jule. “So, I spoke to her today.” Jay said, sticking the diapers last tape down.

Xan sat up, with his eyes widening. “You did?”

“Yeah, how about I tell you everything while we cook up some dinner?” Jay smiled, stroking his cheek. After dressing Xan in a comfy simple baby blue onesie, they headed to the kitchen, where Jay assisted Xan in cooking a simple stir fry and explained everything Jule had told him about her.

Xan stopped stirring and thought for a moment, still clutching the wooden spatula in his hand. “She said I could meet her?” He asked quietly, with his anxiety building.

Jay could tell he was getting nervous and wrapped his comforting arms around him. “Only if you want to Sweetie and there’s no rush.” Stroking Xan’s chest, he decided to change the subject. “Oh I think dinner’s ready. Let’s eat it in the front room and get started on our first movie.” He made them both a drink, a bottle of juice for Xan and coffee for himself and helped Xan dish up the mouthwatering dish.

They settled on the comfy sofa, with their dinner on their laps and started to watch the first film of the evening. Xan had picked a whole host of movies over the past few days and chose to start with a Studio Ghibli classic, Spirited Away. “Oh I think I’ve seen part of this!” Jay said with his mouthful as the story started to unfold. Xan took one look at Jay nearly spilling his mouthful and let out a belly laugh, nearly dropping his own dinner in the process.

After Spirited Away, Xan had lined up Call Me By Your Name for them to watch. With dinner out of the way and plates set aside, Xan repositioned himself, snuggling up close to Jay. Before the end of the movie, Jay had refreshed their drinks and Xan now lay with his head in Jay’s lap, enjoying the relaxing motion of Jay gently stroking his long hair. As the credits started rolling and with Xan nursing on his almost empty bottle, it was time for the two to turn in. Flicking off the TV, Jay stood, lifting Xan into his arms. “Oooh, what a sleepy boy I’ve got.” He smirked and holding Xan under his rear he could feel Xan’s diaper was very full. “Let’s get you a fresh diaper little one.” Jay said softly, kissing Xan’s cheek.

…

The next day seemed to drag for Xan on the cold wet Thursday afternoon, but it wasn’t the weather bringing the mood down, Xan was anxious. After many hours of deliberation, he and Jay had planned for him to finally meet his mother. With Jay due at 5pm, Xan was trying his hardest not to sit watching the minutes tick by, but nothing he tried was able to take his mind off the (meeting).

Jay on the other hand had been with another patient all day, in a totally different part of the hospital, fighting to keep them well. He had been so focused on working, he hadn’t been paying attention to the time. “Shit! Shit!” He cursed under breath, taking a brief glimpse at his watch. After finally handing off care to the other team in place, he rushed back to his department to grab his keys. Leaving a wind flowing behind him, he flew through the ward, straight to his office. “Okay, keys… ah! Keys. Wallet… phone…” Listing his items as he rammed them in his pockets, he turned on his heel and headed out down the ward from where he had just come. But as he passed room 3, he noticed the bed. It was empty. He screeched to a halt, his trainers echoing throughout the hall. With a look of confusion, he made his way to the nurses station. “Hey, where’s the woman in room 3?”

A young student nurse’s head shot up from behind the computer screen and flicked through the paperwork, stacked on her right side. “Uh, let’s see… room 3… She had Sepsis that worsened so we had to transfer her to intensive care.” She replied in a professional voice. “Did you need the paperwork, Dr Thompson?”

“No that’s alright, thankyou Marie.” Jay rushed as fast as it was safe too through the hospital. Reaching the clerical desk, he asked about the patient in a mild panic, with sweat forming a thin shining veil on his forehead.

“I’m sorry Dr Thompson, but she passed away at 3:47pm.” The older Nurse could see the blank state of shock on Jay’s face. “Did you know her?” She asked, putting a comforting hand on his shoulder.

Looking up at her with a tear twinkling in his eye, Jay was thinking of Xan. “Er, sort of… Sorry I have to go.” His mind soon flooded with images of Xan and how excited he was to meet his birth mother. Jay wandered to his car in a daze and falling into the driving seat, his emotions got the better of him. “Oh Xan…” Watery droplets fell from his eyes, feeling in some way that he had let his boy down. “Oh I’m so sorry… Shit.” Jay hit the steering wheel in frustration and wiped his tears away. Trying to compose himself, he took a deep breath and while looking in his mirror, wiped his face with his hands masking his tears.

He took a slow drive, straight home and while dreading the conversation that was to come, he knew it needed to be done and done now. Parking in the driveway, he could see Xan peeking out of the window, eagerly awaiting his arrival and with a lump in his throat, he turned off the engine. “Hi! I’m almost ready, I just need to grab my phone.” Xan chirped in his chipper voice.

Jay cleared his throat and took ahold of Xan’s hand. “Sweetie, I er… Let’s um… sit for a minute.” While Xan sat up straight, Jay, unable to get comfortable, shifted his position. Seeing Xan’s happy face looking at him, made it all the more difficult. “Sweetie.” Jay began, stroking his small hand, he fought back the tears. “There’s no easy way to say this… You see, your mother was very sick and I’m afraid the infection she had was just too much for her… and she sadly p…” Jay swallowed hard, before quickly continuing. “Passed away.” He saw Xan’s happy smile drop and that was enough to break the dam and send salty tears running down his cheeks. “Baby boy, I’m so so sorry.”

Xan took a breath and wiped a tear from his eye, before reaching up and wiping Jay’s tears away. “It’s okay.” He smiled at Jay and wiped another tear from his man’s cheek. “She had all these years to try and meet but didn’t. It just wasn’t meant to be.”

Xan leaned forward and Jay enveloped him in a tight cuddle. Taking a few deep breaths he composed himself, holding Xan close. “My strong boy.” Jay whispered, lifting Xan into his lap and keeping his arms around him. They sat together in each others arms for some time before Jay relaxed. “I’m sorry Sweetie. I know how much you wanted to meet her and you deserved to know wh-”

Xan cut him off, pressing and finger to his lips. “You are all I ever need Daddy.” He smiled, pressing his soft lips to Jay’s.

**Author's Note:**

> I missed these two, so I will periodically return to writing about them ^_^  
> Im working on about 3 completely different storys currently so, I will update when I can.
> 
> This chapter was based on my own dentist experience and how I wish I had someone there with me
> 
> If anyone had any ideas or things they would like to see, email me xandir888@yahoo . com or send me a message on here


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